jumping the bandwagon

sheesh it's been a long time since i've updated here! as a little background music for the rest of this update, go to this site: the incredible boxman! lol. that's so funny. :) anyway, digging into the meat of things, to mix up a few idioms. tiffany and co. wat's so great about them? i don't kno! it seems that lots of girls are crazy about the stuff and are ecstatic about getting that little blue box. but really, when looking thru their site i don't find much that i really like. esp not from the elsa peretti collection, which is wat most girls on campus are wearing. most notably from the silver open heart or teardrop set. i don't find either of those particularly beautiful. i do like, however, the small tag pendent but for $725 i think i'd rather buy an ipod or two. the only affordable thing i'd want from tiffany's is the stencil heart pendent necklace. but even then, it's nothing that i find exquisitly unique and just have to have. conclusion? tiffany's: hope for or hype full? i think hype. ...boy is reepal a lucky guy to have me as a girlfriend... lol. :)

it's just a game!

reepal is obsessed wit tekken 5. which is fine. but because of this, he's missing school, not doing his hw, failing tests, skipping sleep, wasting money, and not talking to me! outrage! naw. seriously tho... it just bothers me that when i call at 10pm (like i do every single night) he doesn't pick up. or he tells me he's gonna call me back in a mintue then doesn't call for the next hour. he could've called earlier to let me kno that he wasn't gonna be in, how hard is that? it's not that i'm sitting around waiting for him. but to be expecting something and then to be disappointed... and now i find out that he's maybe not gonna do his java project which is due romrow! i mean, i kno that tekken is important to you, but you've been playing every night this last half week, you played almost all this afternoon (and while i was being nice wit saying that we could go if you wanted, i feel like i shouldn't have gone at all. i could've done something productive and it would've made no difference to you anyway. okay. i kno... that's mean. i'm glad i went. and i kno that you're glad i went. but it was so long and boring... i feel like... i was being unselfish in saying we could go and staying thru class witout reminding you and not complaining super much when you were playing. then you go and play on for an uber long three hours. and i kno you'd not want to leave during a win streak. and i didn't want you to lose either, which is why i kept kicking you everytime you got hit wit a combo or lost a round, but still... we were there for a long time), and it'll still be there romrow! for one night you could've just stayed in and done your damn hw. instead you had to go and play that stupid game after you just played for three hours in the afternoon. god. i hope reepal gets his ducks in a row...

guilty as sin

i've been very selfish lately. i'm going home this weekend. and i needn't go to the dreaded hellhole more commonly known as the library cause my rents are going to vegas. so i was looking forward to spending most of the weekend wit reep. but if you've been keeping up wit his website then you kno that tekken 5 is officially out. this weekend, three seperate places close to san diego will have it. but we do not yet kno if any place up here will also have it. (do you kno already where this is going?) therefore, reepal will be going down to san deigo to play. will he stay overnight? it's possible. ... yeah... i was, understandably so, quite sad. i asked reepal to promise me that he would not stay the night in sd. alas, he could not make such a promise. i kept bugging him and got progressively upset (not hysterically so, just... obviously so). and he said quietly: 'baby, you kno i try for you' ...i'm such a bitch... :(

"i've got to be honest i think you know" "i've been unable to put you down" / "i'm still learning things i ought to know by now" / "i need something more to show somehow" "but I hope i can find the words to say: you're a god and i am not and i just thought i'd let you kno"

god hates shrimp

went to thing tonight to discuss the bible and wat it says about homosexuality. i won't bore you wit the details, but kno this: it was held in the other gay and lesbian house and was headed by a gay pastor. yep. learned some interesting stuff tonight (did you kno that in judaism there is no hell?) and am glad i went. came home and was talking to (...should i name him, oh hell, why not?) james about classes next quarter. to let you kno, he is very christian. very. becuase i was still thinking about earlier i asked him wat he thought of homosexuality. 'homos are bad' um... okay. but he thinks this way because he believes that being gay is a choice. so wat if it isn't a choice? wat if they are made that way? 'then i guess it would okay...' yay! there is hope for him yet! tell him that i am planning to take a class on athieism. he tells me that this is trash. that i needn't fill up mind wit this trash. ... this coming from the christ boy who's taking a toaist buddhism class... am supremely pissed off tho. cannot believe that he could be so contradictory. he is, however, taking this buddhism class cause the teacher is easy. but that hardly matters, now does it? if he thinks that athieism is such trash, i'd also quite naturally assume that he thinks other relgions (besides his own) are close. and wtf gave him the authority to deem something as trash? can he prove that his religion is not? he has no more proof than me! and yet he deems my beliefs as trash. bastard... and you kno wat, james? as much as you believe that god hates fags, and as many believe that god hates shrimp, i am damn sure that of those, god hates intolerant, quick-to-judge, insensitive assholes like you. oh. and also, god hates godhatesfags.

creative vomit

mood is annoyed. stupid moods this journal provides only has 16 moods. =\  but really. if you're too stupid or lazy to turn in a poem for your creative lit class, find one at: one hundred million peoms. i'm annoyed cause i put a lot of effort into my stuff and to find one like this, premade... you can come up wit something pretty damned good if you just change a few words here and there. but is that art? i don't object too much to magnetic poetry. you put individual words together. but this... whole lines... it just... minimizes and diminishes real creative art. :(

threadless

i love beautiful things. i love cool looking things. i love graphics. and i love clothes. threadless tshirts has some pretty cool ones. reep said tho that i like all the bloody ones. =\ oh well. they're having a sale. go get one!

el norte

are you super angry or fed up that bush is gonna be president again? well, if so, then go marry a canadian! they are so sympathetic to our plight that they are willing to marry americans to take us away from this country ruled by the idiotic bush! ...anyone gonna take up this offer? (better not be you, reepal!!!)

still waters

asked reepal tonight: 'if we got married, is there anything you'd regret?' he replied that if he thought he'd regret anything we'd not get married. that's fair. wat i really meant, tho, was would he maybe feel bad that he hadn't dated more? he got quiet. for me: reep is my first real relationship. and so i feel like maybe there would have been more to experience. don't get me wrong, i don't want to date other people to see if there is someone better. i just... wonder if things can be done differently. new people do new things, you kno? ...well i dunno. reep and i both started snowboarding together, and went to a concert, and a wrestling match, and, well, any number of things. but i dunno. i feel like. i would wonder, you kno? if maybe i would have learned something new wit someone else. how to cook. or how to fight better. or learn about dinosaurs. or discover a new passion for macrame. ...i dunno. i feel that each relationship is a chance to grow. it's a time to make yourslef into a better person. to make mistakes and learn from them. and yet... this is my first. and while i have made many and learned from all my mistakes, is there still more to learn? could i still perfect myself? of course. i'm perfectly happy, tho, as is. things are really good right now. reep is incredible. seriously just... unbelievable. and i wouldn't trade that for the world. nor would i ever want to. nor would i want to want to. but anyway. i'm getting carried away here. marriage? ...who brought that up?

'to see you when i wake up is a gift i didn't think could be real' / 'to know that you feel the same as i do is a three-fold utopian dream' / '...i smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine' 'you have only... gone... but already i am wasting away' / 'you do something to me that i can't explain' / 'i know i'll see you again whether far or soon but i need you to know, that i care and i miss you'

a day in the life of...

as lovable kermie always says, "it aint easy being green." these days it seems that shrek would agree. but it's not just ogres and frogs having a hard time, it's pigs too. and boy are they getting it rough... and since misery loves company: burned up fire-fighters and bitten up cops. it's just too bad that superdog wasn't around to help out that cop dog tho. but maybe he was too busy trying to find his louis lane...

solitary confinement

romrow is a holiday. i was hoping to get to see reep after work. but then they called and said he needn't go in. so i was really happy there for a second. but his dad wants to take the car in for servicing. so they were gonna rent a car for reep to go to work then take in their corolla. but now... and altho it's better if reep doens't come to irvine, i was hoping he'd come anyway. but he already told his dad about not needing to work. and it is better this way. i can't help that i'm selfish tho... man... was really looking forward to seeing him. esp as how i'm not going home this weekend. and yuko is leaving romrow for home. so i'll be all alone. :( and he went out tonight so i didn't even get to talk to him! sheesh...

'a hundred days had made me older since the last time that i saw your pretty face' / 'but all these miles that separate, they’ve disappeared now when i’m dreaming of your face' / 'i’m here without you baby but you’re still on my lonely mind' 'i think about you baby and i dream about you all the time' / 'a thousand lies has made me colder and i don’t think i can look at this the same... but i hope it gets better as we go'

hodgepodge

in somewhat scary news, the earth's magnetic field is fading! if you watched that movie 'the core' then you kno just how scary this can be! ...sure... in stupid news, a man throws himself to the lions! wat's so stupid about that? the zoo people then shot at the lions to make them stop eating the man! he obviously wanted to die, they should've just shot him. in worldly news, the brits think we're stupid! but that's not really news. i knew that too. i mean, come on... college educated people favor kerry over bush. also unsurprisingly, more women than men voted for kerry. keeping in mind the former fact and assuming that college educated means smarter, then one can see that women are smarter. another interesting thing, men voted for bush more than women voted for kerry. thus further proving that men are stupid, cause more men than women are college educated. (link for gender voting stats) and oddly enough. more democrats crossed parties to vote for bush than republicans crossed to vote for kerry. proving wat? that americans are getting stupider! argh... in less argrevating news: the super tacky are new getting getting the okay from clothing manufacturers. ...wat is the world coming to?

momma mia

obviously there are support sites for recovering anorexics or bulimics. but it seems that there are also pro eating disorder sites. ... they are called pro ana and pro mia sites. they are quite easy to find. this one is a pro ana site who's creator is now recovering (thank god): fagile innocence. she has a lot on this site. and you can see that she's really smart and creative and has a lot going for her, and yet... it's really really sad... :'(

mixed signals..

reep says that it seems like i'm always arguing wit him. but can i help it if he's always wrong? lol. seriously tho. i don't argue if i think he's right. wat would be the point? and so i guess it does come down to that i think he's wrong a lot... :( but should i just shut up and let him think the wrong thing? i do feel that i drop a lot of things. like... i won't say anithing. but sometimes i don't. and i guess that bothers him? i don't kno. i'd want someone to voice their opinions to me. esp if they thought i was wrong. that way we can learn from each other and grow. but i guess maybe it seems a bit too often. i dunno... and he was saying about an earlier incident that he was being nice to me. but i don't remember thinking that he was being nice. in fact, i was thinking just the opposite. he said then that i should be thankful that he was being nice. that put me off a bit and i responded that maybe he ought to reevaluate his definition of being nice. he said 'no'. ... mind you, i did not argue wit him this time altho i was seriously disagreeing. anyway. that makes me sad tho: that we think we're being nice but not only do they not noticice but that they think we're being the opposite.i guess that's the way it is often tho. you think you looks stellar. others think you look like shit. that's why people pile on the perfume too. :( it's a sad sad world.

'you think it's crazy to think there's nothing to hide' / 'there's a million suggestions, wit a million intentions' / 'you leave us here with nothing' /'if we only knew the truth about wat really goes on, and wat you say behind closed doors more than just a lie or two' / 'if we only knew the truth about it, maybe we could work our way around it' / 'if we only knew the truth about wat really goes on, maybe all the things i do would make sense just for once'

shackled

found this article online today: love in translation. pretty interesting stuff. esp the stuff on chile. mainly tho. i love the word play. and altho my chinese isn't very good i can't think of anything funny like that for us. ...actually. i don't really kno wat the individual words for marriage means... so maybe it actually means something like 'end of fun' who knows?

divided we stand

went to the bookstore today to get ellison's invisible man. pretty good book so far (besides the prolouge). so i went to the literature section of the bookstore and was unable to find either the book or anything else by him. which was odd... so i went to the comp and looked him up. guess wat section he's in? 'african american literature' ...that's kind of ironic. many of the authors in this category wrote about prejudice, discrimination and segregation. and yet they are once again segregated. maybe tho, some would want this? to be highlighted, so that the customer may more easily see and be left to ponder on their experiences? but really. i would think that most would object to their seperation. wat is it really for anyway?

obliquely askance

...i am feeling... irrelevant. al has been coming up a lot lately. reep ran into her bro at school and they talked. he then saw someone that looked like her at his school today. i asked him if it were her, would he have talked to her. he said yes. eugene (from jaws hs db) told me that i should be thankful that at least he is truthful. but should i be thankful for wat is to be expected? he also said that he misses her. should i be thankful for this too? that he is truthful? or should i feel hurt (as i do) that it is true at all? reep doesn't understand why. he's bad at that. thinking like others. putting himself in their shoes. ting says that he's naive (but i don't think that's wat she meant). we're all at a loss of words tonight. ting too is hurting: "My heart breaks right now, it feels like its been torn in two not because someone broke it, but because it's hard watching people, people who mean so much to me, go through this and  feel so helpless." she at least can find solace in god. and i? eugene suggested that i take a break for an hour and do something that i love. but i can't. i haven't my car. my heart too, breaks right now. ...eugene says i should ask reep until i get a straight answer. why does he miss her? why does she mean so much to him? why can't he let her go? he thinks that reep knows the answer but won't tell me because it would be too hard. ...i thought i was to be thankful that he was truthful? reep hasd told me many times that if we were to break up we'd not be friends. he says it's because he loves me so much. he also tells me that he wants to be her friend because he used to be. but was i not your friend too? and longer before. longer during. and deeper throughout? i wonder sometimes if this is worth it. al won't go away. and unfortunatly, i can't call up lacuna and erase her. and quite significantly, reep won't/can't let her go. this is all very distressing, disapointing, and depressing. he keeps telling me that he loves me. does he think that loving makes it better? cause no. it only makes it worse. ting asked if this is the 'camel that broke the needle's back'. and no, it won't be. it will be, however, another dent in this battered heat of mine. however, this subject of reep and al this will be that camel (crazy ting, mixing two idioms together...). i'm quite sure of it. i've always wanted very badly for that not to be it. i always wanted to think of myself as stronger and better than that. but i guess i'm not. you kno my biggest regret in life thus far? asking reepal out. my god. everything would have been so much better if that hadn't happened. it's too late tho. i can't take it back. ...i'm very unsettled tonight. my heart is... heavy feeling. and yet. it floats in my chest. its odd contrast forcing me to pay attention. .

'i'm so paranoid; i'm all incased and i can't escape' / 'nobody's perfect but you just can't see' 'my life's a circus that you don't believe' / 'cause if you want you can have everything that i've got' 'cause if you want you can take it all away from me' / 'you're saying something but not coming clean' / 'she's living in her dreams'

eternal sunshine

i watched eternal sunshine of the spotless mind this weekend. it's a good movie. for those of you who haven't seen it, you should. but anyway. kate's character erases her memory of jim's chracter. he finds out and in revenge erases his memory of her. but during the erasing he starts to remember why he loved her and wants to stop the process. alas, it's too late... was wondering if i'd want to erase my memory of anything. if reep and i broke up, would i erase him? no. but would i erase al? and i think so. even tho there's that saying that goes something like, cheat me once shame on you; cheat me twice shame on me. but then essentially  i'm already shamed on, no? but really. do i think it would happen again? no, i don't. so why do i stress so much then? cause i can't get it out of my mind. but wat if i could? i would. i really would. and it's not to say that all my problems would be cured. and it's not like our relationship would then become perfect. but if i could just get rid of this one thing... this one all-invasive and omnipotent thing... things would be a hell of a lot better. not just for us, but for me. course, i wouldn't go easy. i've never been one to. i'd probably make reep forget something too. i don't kno wat tho. mexico? danny? eh. you kno wat? actually, i think i'd be okay if he forgot nothing. yeah. i'd be okay wit that... wat about you? would you forget?

'you seem the only one' / 'but if love is really love, it can never fail; but fail it does' 'i don’t mind most of the time. but you push me so far inside' 'it’s like i’ve come undone. and i’ve only just become inflatable for you' / 'you’re so pretty... pretty when you’re faithful, when you’re faithful' / 'when i believe in you, the soul can rest'

kaleidoscope

so i don't kno why i haven't posted this yet but in case you were wondering about my living situation and the kaleidoscope house here's a link to us. i'm part of the agent house (in fact, my name plate is neo!!!) and our ha [house advisor] hasn't really done much for our half of the site but enjoy!