still waters

asked reepal tonight: 'if we got married, is there anything you'd regret?' he replied that if he thought he'd regret anything we'd not get married. that's fair. wat i really meant, tho, was would he maybe feel bad that he hadn't dated more? he got quiet. for me: reep is my first real relationship. and so i feel like maybe there would have been more to experience. don't get me wrong, i don't want to date other people to see if there is someone better. i just... wonder if things can be done differently. new people do new things, you kno? ...well i dunno. reep and i both started snowboarding together, and went to a concert, and a wrestling match, and, well, any number of things. but i dunno. i feel like. i would wonder, you kno? if maybe i would have learned something new wit someone else. how to cook. or how to fight better. or learn about dinosaurs. or discover a new passion for macrame. ...i dunno. i feel that each relationship is a chance to grow. it's a time to make yourslef into a better person. to make mistakes and learn from them. and yet... this is my first. and while i have made many and learned from all my mistakes, is there still more to learn? could i still perfect myself? of course. i'm perfectly happy, tho, as is. things are really good right now. reep is incredible. seriously just... unbelievable. and i wouldn't trade that for the world. nor would i ever want to. nor would i want to want to. but anyway. i'm getting carried away here. marriage? ...who brought that up?

'to see you when i wake up is a gift i didn't think could be real' / 'to know that you feel the same as i do is a three-fold utopian dream' / '...i smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine' 'you have only... gone... but already i am wasting away' / 'you do something to me that i can't explain' / 'i know i'll see you again whether far or soon but i need you to know, that i care and i miss you'