we finally fought, lol. it wasn't much of a fight tho, honestly. firstly, we didn't disagree. secondly, he fucked up and he knew it and, more importantly, he took ownership of it. i had said before that I was curious what our first fight would reveal about us, and from this, I learned that we're going to be okay. granted, we didn't fight fight so I guess it's premature to think that we're compatible in this way, but still.
I had lunch with mike yesterday and we talked about how different j's and my family are. it'll be quite the culture shock should he ever get to really interact with mine. I will likely never randomly bring him over; I'll have to call my parents and give them some warning. my family is just so much more formal than his is. and of my childhood, I think my parents are actually middle of the road. he's never dated an Asian Asian before (his last ex was Asian but was adopted by non-Asians) and, well, you know my history. it'll be weird should any of this have to come up later. tho i am encouraged that he's pretty culinarily adventurous. that'll make things easier for sure.
Thursday, November 16, 2017
Wednesday, November 15, 2017
gun culture
What Explains U.S. Mass Shootings? International Comparisons Suggest an Answer
interesting article with some info that was new to me, especially the "the difference is culture" section. the thing is, all the statistics, studies, *proof*, that gun control works doesn't matter because the anti-gun control people aren't seeing the debate in a rational way. they see it thru another lens entirely, so they really have no use for your logic. gun control advocates should find out the actual real deep down reason their opposition doesn't want regulation. only then will there be progress.
interesting article with some info that was new to me, especially the "the difference is culture" section. the thing is, all the statistics, studies, *proof*, that gun control works doesn't matter because the anti-gun control people aren't seeing the debate in a rational way. they see it thru another lens entirely, so they really have no use for your logic. gun control advocates should find out the actual real deep down reason their opposition doesn't want regulation. only then will there be progress.
Monday, November 13, 2017
petition
got a change.org email asking me to sign a petition to ban anatomically correct child dolls.
Right now, teachers, coaches, babysitters, and neighbors, in every town in America, can purchase lifelike, anatomically correct dolls designed to simulate sex with a child. And it’s perfectly legal.
These sick dolls are being imported into the United States and other countries. British police have seized more than 100 already in the UK, and authorities have found that the people buying them usually have child pornography too.
Sign this petition to ban the sale and distribution of child sex dolls!
These child sex dolls can normalize a pedophile’s behaviors, emboldening them to harm children, as is often the case with those who view child pornography.
According to the CDC, 1 in 5 children are sexually abused. One child is too many. Our elected officials need to protect children. That’s why Congressman Dan Donovan from New York is introducing legislation that will ban the distribution and sale of dolls that encourage child abuse.
Show your support for this legislation by signing this petition, and help protect America’s children!
not sure how I feel about this. I mean, obviously I'm against any kind of sexual conduct towards the underage. but if these people are having sex with dolls, will it deter them from having sex with actual kids or is it more of a gateway thing? cause if most of them use it as an outlet, rather than a stimulus, then we should not ban these dolls. gross as they are, they would be deterring crime.
the email itself is really weird too, why does it say that "teachers, coaches, babysitters, and neighbors" can buy these? I can't think of a reason why these people would need such a doll, but I dunno. I think the petition would have sat better with me had it said that perverts can buy these dolls.
Right now, teachers, coaches, babysitters, and neighbors, in every town in America, can purchase lifelike, anatomically correct dolls designed to simulate sex with a child. And it’s perfectly legal.
These sick dolls are being imported into the United States and other countries. British police have seized more than 100 already in the UK, and authorities have found that the people buying them usually have child pornography too.
Sign this petition to ban the sale and distribution of child sex dolls!
These child sex dolls can normalize a pedophile’s behaviors, emboldening them to harm children, as is often the case with those who view child pornography.
According to the CDC, 1 in 5 children are sexually abused. One child is too many. Our elected officials need to protect children. That’s why Congressman Dan Donovan from New York is introducing legislation that will ban the distribution and sale of dolls that encourage child abuse.
Show your support for this legislation by signing this petition, and help protect America’s children!
not sure how I feel about this. I mean, obviously I'm against any kind of sexual conduct towards the underage. but if these people are having sex with dolls, will it deter them from having sex with actual kids or is it more of a gateway thing? cause if most of them use it as an outlet, rather than a stimulus, then we should not ban these dolls. gross as they are, they would be deterring crime.
the email itself is really weird too, why does it say that "teachers, coaches, babysitters, and neighbors" can buy these? I can't think of a reason why these people would need such a doll, but I dunno. I think the petition would have sat better with me had it said that perverts can buy these dolls.
Saturday, November 11, 2017
still me
I gotta admit, for a little bit I thought everyone had been right all along, that it really was about being with the "right" person. then I found my head again, haha.
a couple weeks ago he asked where I saw us in a year. I carefully responded with "well, you'll still be in school and I'll almost definitely still be working at algalita. ...where do you see us?" he agreed that nothing much would change but that he would like to live together, "sooner or later." I thought about it for a week and told him that while it wasn't something I didn't want, it likely wouldn't be something I would initiate. there would need to be another catalyst, like me finally getting fed up with my roommate(s), or our apartment burning down, or him finding us the perfect place. turns out, he basically already knew this so, whew! more importantly, he seems okay with it too. I'm honestly really glad that he's comfortable with pushing me. I've known for a long time I needed a partner like that, and I feel pretty lucky that not only will he push me as needed but that he already knows this is something I need.
it's probably because I'm afraid of commitment and that I have no lifetime "relationship goals" that i am super comfortable with stagnation in my relationships. j had said that he worries that I'll one day, like a decade or two later, want out. obviously, this isn't an unfounded fear. but I hate that I did that and I have the intention to never do it again. (yup, not no intention to do it again, but an active intention *not* to) I told him that I want to have some kind of plan with him. not necessarily marriage or anything so serious, but a plan of any sort. I don't care if we take the longest scenic route to get there, but I do want to head in at least the vaguest direction of where we think we might want to end up possibly someday. Barcelona, he said. I think that's a good plan as any. here's hoping that we, and Spain itself, can hold it together thru march.
a couple weeks ago he asked where I saw us in a year. I carefully responded with "well, you'll still be in school and I'll almost definitely still be working at algalita. ...where do you see us?" he agreed that nothing much would change but that he would like to live together, "sooner or later." I thought about it for a week and told him that while it wasn't something I didn't want, it likely wouldn't be something I would initiate. there would need to be another catalyst, like me finally getting fed up with my roommate(s), or our apartment burning down, or him finding us the perfect place. turns out, he basically already knew this so, whew! more importantly, he seems okay with it too. I'm honestly really glad that he's comfortable with pushing me. I've known for a long time I needed a partner like that, and I feel pretty lucky that not only will he push me as needed but that he already knows this is something I need.
it's probably because I'm afraid of commitment and that I have no lifetime "relationship goals" that i am super comfortable with stagnation in my relationships. j had said that he worries that I'll one day, like a decade or two later, want out. obviously, this isn't an unfounded fear. but I hate that I did that and I have the intention to never do it again. (yup, not no intention to do it again, but an active intention *not* to) I told him that I want to have some kind of plan with him. not necessarily marriage or anything so serious, but a plan of any sort. I don't care if we take the longest scenic route to get there, but I do want to head in at least the vaguest direction of where we think we might want to end up possibly someday. Barcelona, he said. I think that's a good plan as any. here's hoping that we, and Spain itself, can hold it together thru march.
Wednesday, November 8, 2017
why him or her?
Why You Want Who You Want
"...four neural systems that underlie our major constellations of personality traits—the dopamine, serotonin, testosterone, and estrogen/oxytocin systems.
"Fisher created a 56-question survey to measure how many traits in each of these four systems a person expresses—in other words, which neural systems dominate your personality. More than 14 million people have taken the survey through Chemistry.com and Match.com. Fisher, who may be best known for imaging the brains of people in love, also used fMRI scanners to confirm that particpants' reported traits matched expected neural activity patterns.
"She found that people with dopamine-dominant personalities (curious, creative, adventurous types) tend to be drawn to fellow dopamine-influenced adventurers. Serotonin-dominant people (traditional, conscientious, and rule-following) are also drawn to people like themselves. On the other hand, testosterone-dominant people (analytical, skeptical, and tough-minded) and estrogen-dominant individuals (nurturing, contextual, imaginative) are drawn to each other, essentially to their behavioral opposites.
"We all have all four systems, and everyone has a different ratio..."
Which systems do you identify more with?
I lean toward dopamine dominant. and I'm pretty definitely testosterone dominant, lol. j is, as he "should" be, dopamine dominant, tho I'm uncertain how much he leans to either testosterone or estrogen. but certainly he's more estrogen dominant than I am!
Monday, November 6, 2017
the feels
I've started reading fiction again and i actually rather dislike it. it's fake and it feels manipulative. maybe it's cause I'm reading Jhumpa Lahiri (Unaccustomed Earth) who doesn't write about happy things, but still, i feel like I'm being used somehow.
I'm reading j's suggestion of Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist next. hopefully I'll feel better about fiction after.
I'm reading j's suggestion of Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist next. hopefully I'll feel better about fiction after.
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