year ends always seem to bring about all sorts of reflections on the past year. i didn't have a fantastic 2013 so here's to hoping that 2014 is better. i don't have any specific resolutions except to work much harder, don't waste as much time, be less petty, and accept criticism better.
the things i did do pretty well in 2013: volunteer more, try to be a better person/friend, be less petty, give more, be more environmentally conscious. altho i feel like i did do a pretty good job of these things in 2013 i certainly intend to improve on them even more in the next year.
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
recork
for 2014 i'm collecting wine corks for recork which uses recycles them into cool things like shoes and furniture. i'm starting my drive a little early this year since i wanted to include the holiday season, when lots of people are drinking anyway.
i'm especially lucky this year because after i put up the usual announcements on fb, a few people actually shared the post. sharon from pinks, marina from space, and ting are all collecting for me too!
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Thursday, December 19, 2013
hawaii - thoughts
Monday, December 16, 2013
hawaii - recap
i went to hawaii for a week with g. it was kind of a random "last minute" trip. basically i took over her husband's ticket. there was quite a bit of drama on my end before we left but i didn't want to mention anything to her since she's going thru a hard time right now. i also figured that once we were there, things would be different. they were not so much. lol.
day 1 - arrived mid-day. from our driver we learned about a bunch of local places eat. all on one street, conveniently located reasonably close to our hotel! annie also got our driver to take us to a lunch spot before she went to make another pick-up. that afternoon we walked up the main drag of waikiki.
day 2 - circle island tour! was introduced to a lot of beautiful places. also hit up a lot of the usual tourist spots: dole pineapple farm, chinaman's hat, north shore, macadamia nut farm... no pearl harbor however. which was actually fine since neither g nor i really wanted to go there anyway. ha! that night we went to first friday in china town, which is like an art walk.
day 3 - we went surfing (something we both really wanted to do)! well, "surfing". the waves were no more than a foot high, the instructors pushed us out and told us when to stand. but who cares, it was awesome! we also paddled in an oc6 for like half an hour too and actually surfed the wave. amazing stuff! i didn't know oc's did that. at night we saw two parades: the pearl harbor memorial parade and the christmas parade for honolulu city lights.
day 4 - we hiked diamond head (something g really wanted to do) which is a short though kind of difficult hike that gives you views of honolulu on one side. after getting back we hung out at the beach a little in the afternoon.
day 5 - snorkeling at hanauma bay (something i really wanted to do), which was awesome! the coral there is actually really high (or the water really low) so at some points you're less than a foot away from the coral right below you. it's kind of scary actually. i did much better at snorkeling this time. i still got scared and definitely freaked out some in the beginning, but i really started to get the hang of it later. i think that it isn't open open water really helped. also the ground didn't drop off as steeply as it did in catalina. this was my highlight from the trip.
day 6 - on our last day we decided to rent a car (tho it was quite expensive) and do our own circle island tour. we wanted to hit up north shore and eat at the garlic trucks, matsumoto's shaved ice, and watch the pipeline surfing competition. we also wanted to do another hike if we had the time (we did not). that night we went back to duke's to have our last meal. one of the guys we met the night before had been texting annie during the day and eventually drove us to tantalus, which was very pretty at night and must've been beautiful during the day. it was pretty cold and kind of rainy tho so that also put a damper on the view.
day 7 - flew back. the flight was super ugh. sitting right next to us was a group of 7: a couple, their three young children, and a set of grandparents. during the first 4 hours of the 5+ hour flight at least one kid was crying in every five minute interval. i had to sleep thru most of it altho i wasn't tired because i couldn't stand it anymore. thank god for ear plugs and my nearly superhuman sleeping powers. i actually started to wonder about choking the kids out. i mean, some regular kids do it to themselves. hold their breath so long they pass out. they don't seem to suffer any long term effects so it should be safe, right? ugh. and before you say anything about how i hate kids anyway, no. these were bad parents. i have examples but whatever. ack!!
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| we pretty much ate our way round the island, lol. |
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| view from diamond head |
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| hanauma bay |
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| pupukea beach |
Friday, December 13, 2013
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
amazon quotes
david grann - the lost city of z: a tale of deadly obsession in the amazon
"There were the Prudent, who said: 'This is an extraordinarily foolish thing to do.' There were the Wise, who said: 'This is an extraordinarily foolish thing to do; but at least you will know better next time.' There were the Very Wise, who said: 'This is an extraordinarily foolish thing to do, but not nearly as foolish as it sounds.' There were the Romantic, who appeared to believe that if everyone did this sort of thing all the time the world's troubles would soon be over. There were the Envious, who thanked God they were not coming; and there were the other sort, who said with varying degrees if insincerity that they would give anything to come. There were the Correct, who asked me if I knew any of the people at the Embassy. There were the Practical, who spoke at length of inoculations and calibres... There were the Apprehensive, who asked me if I had made my will. There were the Men Who Had Done A Certain Amount of That Sort of Thing In Their Time, You Know, and these imparted to me elaborate stratagems for getting the better of ants and told me that monkeys made excellent eating, and so for that matter did lizards, and parrots; they all tasted rather like chicken." (p79)
"But it wasn't the big predators that he and his companions fretted about most. It was the ceaseless pests. The sauba ants that could reduce men’s clothes and rucksacks to threads in a single night. The ticks that attached like leeches (another scourge) and the red hairy chiggers that consumed human tissue. The cyanide-squirting millipedes. The parasitic worms that caused blindness. The berne flies that drove their ovipostors through clothing and deposited larval eggs that hatched and burrowed under the skin. The almost invisible biting flies called piums that left the explorers’ bodies covered in lesions. Then there were the 'kissing bugs,' which bite their victim on the lips, transferring a protozoan called Typanasoma cruzi; twenty years later, the person, thinking he had escaped the jungle unharmed, would begin to die of heart or brain swelling. Nothing, though, was more hazardous that the mosquitoes. They transmitted everything from malaria to “bone-crusher” fever to elephantiasis to yellow fever. '[Mosquitoes] constitute the chief single reason why Amazonia is a frontier still to be won,' Willard Price wrote in his 1952 book The Amazing Amazon." (p94)
"A snake-bite which bleeds in nonpoisonous. Two punctures, plus a bluish and bloodless patch, is a sign of poison." (227)
"There were the Prudent, who said: 'This is an extraordinarily foolish thing to do.' There were the Wise, who said: 'This is an extraordinarily foolish thing to do; but at least you will know better next time.' There were the Very Wise, who said: 'This is an extraordinarily foolish thing to do, but not nearly as foolish as it sounds.' There were the Romantic, who appeared to believe that if everyone did this sort of thing all the time the world's troubles would soon be over. There were the Envious, who thanked God they were not coming; and there were the other sort, who said with varying degrees if insincerity that they would give anything to come. There were the Correct, who asked me if I knew any of the people at the Embassy. There were the Practical, who spoke at length of inoculations and calibres... There were the Apprehensive, who asked me if I had made my will. There were the Men Who Had Done A Certain Amount of That Sort of Thing In Their Time, You Know, and these imparted to me elaborate stratagems for getting the better of ants and told me that monkeys made excellent eating, and so for that matter did lizards, and parrots; they all tasted rather like chicken." (p79)
"But it wasn't the big predators that he and his companions fretted about most. It was the ceaseless pests. The sauba ants that could reduce men’s clothes and rucksacks to threads in a single night. The ticks that attached like leeches (another scourge) and the red hairy chiggers that consumed human tissue. The cyanide-squirting millipedes. The parasitic worms that caused blindness. The berne flies that drove their ovipostors through clothing and deposited larval eggs that hatched and burrowed under the skin. The almost invisible biting flies called piums that left the explorers’ bodies covered in lesions. Then there were the 'kissing bugs,' which bite their victim on the lips, transferring a protozoan called Typanasoma cruzi; twenty years later, the person, thinking he had escaped the jungle unharmed, would begin to die of heart or brain swelling. Nothing, though, was more hazardous that the mosquitoes. They transmitted everything from malaria to “bone-crusher” fever to elephantiasis to yellow fever. '[Mosquitoes] constitute the chief single reason why Amazonia is a frontier still to be won,' Willard Price wrote in his 1952 book The Amazing Amazon." (p94)
"A snake-bite which bleeds in nonpoisonous. Two punctures, plus a bluish and bloodless patch, is a sign of poison." (227)
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Sunday, December 1, 2013
initiative
got the following from ting:
(a) 10% do it themselves on their own initiative
(b) 25% will do it if asked
(c) 30% will do it after asking a few times and seeing that it works/in action
(d) 25% do it when you hound them
(e) 10% will never do it
i think these numbers are pretty good. of course, i think people's categories change depending on what you're talking about. i'm generally a and b. but when it comes to things i think are stupid, things i don't want to do anyway, or things that are coming from people i don't really like, i'm a d.
it's pretty crazy though, how many people are d's for a lot of things they should probably be higher in the alphabet for!
(a) 10% do it themselves on their own initiative
(b) 25% will do it if asked
(c) 30% will do it after asking a few times and seeing that it works/in action
(d) 25% do it when you hound them
(e) 10% will never do it
i think these numbers are pretty good. of course, i think people's categories change depending on what you're talking about. i'm generally a and b. but when it comes to things i think are stupid, things i don't want to do anyway, or things that are coming from people i don't really like, i'm a d.
it's pretty crazy though, how many people are d's for a lot of things they should probably be higher in the alphabet for!
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Monday, November 25, 2013
china quotations
vicki constantine croke - the lady and the panda: the true adventures of the first american explorer to bring back china's most exotic animal
"if god lets shanghai endure, / he owes an apology to soddom and gomorrah." - a christian evangelist in the early 1920s
chiang kai-shek said that "the japanese were a disease of the skin, but communists--who had targeted the enemies of the suffering masses, the landlords and tax collectors--were a disease of the heart.
Friday, November 22, 2013
connecting
apparently i can get people to share things with me. i'm not sure why this is. a friend told me: "i think u connect well. and i think u have a way of making everyone feel very comfortable." but it's so weird. someone else i was talking to the other day said that "well, you do know me a bit better than most". i was surprised as hell because we literally only talk like two or three times a year for only a couple minutes, at both lb tournies and at ti. the only reason we were talking this time was because he tried to donate for haiyan disaster relief. but he said that "our conversations are on a separate tier, i think. content-wise."
i wish i knew what it was about me that makes people comfortable enough to want to share with me because i think this is actually a great "gift" and i'd like to use it more (for nefarious reasons of course, mwahahah! ...no). i don't feel like i'm a particularly good listener, or that i give good advice. and i always forget to follow up with people about their problems! :( a long time ago i read in reader's digest that the author was tired of trying to vent to someone only to have them commiserate by one-upping her. so when i remember to, i try not to do that. other than that? i try not to judge people. i don't feel like i'm terribly judgey anyway, so this is a natural one for me. i honestly believe that it's okay that people approach things differently. i try not to give advice on what i would do in your situation, but what i think you might be happiest doing. i think it helps too that i'm a constant over-sharer myself. maybe people are so weirded out my lack of boundaries that they get confused and over share also? hahah, maybe this is the one. :)
i wish i knew what it was about me that makes people comfortable enough to want to share with me because i think this is actually a great "gift" and i'd like to use it more (for nefarious reasons of course, mwahahah! ...no). i don't feel like i'm a particularly good listener, or that i give good advice. and i always forget to follow up with people about their problems! :( a long time ago i read in reader's digest that the author was tired of trying to vent to someone only to have them commiserate by one-upping her. so when i remember to, i try not to do that. other than that? i try not to judge people. i don't feel like i'm terribly judgey anyway, so this is a natural one for me. i honestly believe that it's okay that people approach things differently. i try not to give advice on what i would do in your situation, but what i think you might be happiest doing. i think it helps too that i'm a constant over-sharer myself. maybe people are so weirded out my lack of boundaries that they get confused and over share also? hahah, maybe this is the one. :)
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Sunday, November 17, 2013
haiyan paddlethon
Thursday, November 14, 2013
cali quotes
simon winchester - a crack in the edge of the world: america and the great california earthquake of 1906
the city of stockton, ca is "named for the commodore robert stockton, who, in 1846, captured the mexican military outpost of los angeles and four days later formally annexed the mexican province of alta california in the name of the united states. stockton is, essentially, the founder of american california."
"how tightly san fransisco appeared to cling on to its hillsides: one could imagine knuckles whitened, sinew straining, teeth gritted."
"the west i like best. the people are stronger, fresher, saner than the rest. they are ready to be taught. the surroundings of nature have instilled in them a love of the beautiful, which needs development and direction. the east i found a feeble reflex of europe; in fact, i may say that i was in america for a month before i saw an american. - oscar wilde, quoted in the st. louis daily globe, february 26, 1992"
the city of stockton, ca is "named for the commodore robert stockton, who, in 1846, captured the mexican military outpost of los angeles and four days later formally annexed the mexican province of alta california in the name of the united states. stockton is, essentially, the founder of american california."
"how tightly san fransisco appeared to cling on to its hillsides: one could imagine knuckles whitened, sinew straining, teeth gritted."
"the west i like best. the people are stronger, fresher, saner than the rest. they are ready to be taught. the surroundings of nature have instilled in them a love of the beautiful, which needs development and direction. the east i found a feeble reflex of europe; in fact, i may say that i was in america for a month before i saw an american. - oscar wilde, quoted in the st. louis daily globe, february 26, 1992"
Monday, November 11, 2013
Saturday, November 9, 2013
quotations
the other day i was reading thru my posts tagged "quotations" and i was surprised at how many good ones i'd completely forgotten about! i also stopped posting them on this site and will start up again. :)
from alan richman - fork it over: the intrepid adventures of a professional eater
"you should not look for the spots of the sun but the light that it gives."
"nobody is more close-minded than me when it comes to vegetarian cuisine, regardless of whether it's vegan, macrobiotic, or vegetarian... i find vegetarian restaurants both smug and culinary unsuccessful. still, i have always been inclined to allow vegetarians to go about their business without interference from me. but i don't feel quite the same about vegans. what infuriates me about them is their self-righteousness, their insistence that we miscreants give up our enjoyment of food and eat what the eat."
omg, the last one. t keeps telling me i'm a picky eater. and yeah, i'm the first one to admit it. but isn't she also? she doesn't eat a few things she doesn't like (goat cheese, blue cheese, lamb) but she doesn't eat tons of things because they're "unhealthy", like cow milk, especially not whole milk. it's just so annoying because i'm not pretentious about my dietary habits but she totally is. ugh! you're not better than me just because you eat healthy. we just value different things. oh, right, and i'm not an ass.
from alan richman - fork it over: the intrepid adventures of a professional eater
"you should not look for the spots of the sun but the light that it gives."
"nobody is more close-minded than me when it comes to vegetarian cuisine, regardless of whether it's vegan, macrobiotic, or vegetarian... i find vegetarian restaurants both smug and culinary unsuccessful. still, i have always been inclined to allow vegetarians to go about their business without interference from me. but i don't feel quite the same about vegans. what infuriates me about them is their self-righteousness, their insistence that we miscreants give up our enjoyment of food and eat what the eat."
omg, the last one. t keeps telling me i'm a picky eater. and yeah, i'm the first one to admit it. but isn't she also? she doesn't eat a few things she doesn't like (goat cheese, blue cheese, lamb) but she doesn't eat tons of things because they're "unhealthy", like cow milk, especially not whole milk. it's just so annoying because i'm not pretentious about my dietary habits but she totally is. ugh! you're not better than me just because you eat healthy. we just value different things. oh, right, and i'm not an ass.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
potter's wheel
crossing "use a potter's wheel" off my bucket list!
earlier this year we got a groupon for a two hour class to clay on first, a pottery studio in long beach. i went on sat oct 26th with t and some of her friends. it was both harder and easier than i thought it would be. turns out using a potter's wheel takes a lot of arm strength to do correctly and quickly.
we each got four lumps of clay with which to make four things. the instructor walked us thru the first one and was there to help with the rest. i wish we had more time tho since we really only had enough time to make 2.5 correctly. we all ended up rushing the last two. i came away with one misshapen thing, one complete bust, a cup, and a squat little vase thing. you can buy your creations for $5 a piece and they'll fire and glaze them for you in the color you choose. i bought my vase thing and i'll update this post with pictures later. i do kind of wish i'd bought my cup as well, but it was pretty easy to make so i'd probably be able to recreate it next time (if there is a next time).
overall i had fun and i'm really glad that it lived up to my expectations. :) if i have the chance to do it again i probably will.
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| some of our creations. tallish cup in the upper left corner is mine |
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
u.s. and china
i'm reading a book right now about the great famine in china. and it got me to thinking about the differences between the american and chinese zeitgeist. the chinese govt (as it stands) could never shut down because the chinese are into collectivism whereas americans believe very strongly in individualism and therefore a govt shutdown is seen as a viable choice.
even outside of our political systems, our cultures tends towards these philosophies (and thus we "chose" our form of government).
there is no shame in lack of cooporation in america. if you know the other guy is wrong, you should stand your ground no matter what. forget that you may not have facts to back you up [creationism] or that this really isn't a right or wrong situation anyway [gay marriage], or none of your business [abortion], you shouldn't give in to the other side when you know you're right.
the chinese, on the other hand, don't really believe in that. they tend not to challenge the opposition [you have to respect your elders]. you shouldn't try to convince the other person that they're wrong. you should just agree with them and then do your own thing [probably why bribery, corruption, and cheating are bigger problems there than here].
on a kind of separate topic. i never realized how much the chinese culture changed because of the great famine (and i assume the cultural revolution, etc). i know very little about chinese history. it's mostly what we learned in school (so, basically, nothing) and a few random things i picked up. this book, while not a total surprise, has certainly educated me about china and maybe why it is the way it is today. it's a good read, tho definitely hard to stomach at times (the author writes that 45million people died within the four years of the famine). i want to eventually read more about the cultural revolution and communist takeover in china. it's interesting to me, not only because i'm chinese and go to china every once in a while, but also because china seems like such a weird place sometimes. with the occasional news articles about the country, it's hard not to think of them as barbaric at times (milk scandal, smog, heartlessness, pollution...) [not to say that america is any better. we have really ridiculous and crazy shit going on here too], which is a bit hard for me to understand considering all the amazing wonderful civilized things from before.
infographics are by yang liu and in a series titled east vs west
even outside of our political systems, our cultures tends towards these philosophies (and thus we "chose" our form of government).
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| lifestyle: independent vs dependent |
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| the boss |
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| problem solving |
infographics are by yang liu and in a series titled east vs west
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
what's mine?
rip recently "confessed" to me something that he's been holding in for years: something happened to a friend of his. i'm not going to reveal it here, cause, well, it aint none of our business. i don't really care that he kept quiet about it for so long.* it happened to his friend and has nothing at all to do with him, and certainly not with me. but rip feels that his friend's stories are his. things that happen to your friends happen to you. and i definitely agree with him. but not completely. marriage, unmarriage, children, unchilden, cheating, jail, funny and scary stories generally become my stories once my friend tells me about them. but a few things, you probably shouldn't share with your significant other.
occasionally a friend will tell you something deeply personal. and it's because they trust you. they're trusting you with their shame or trauma or soul, not just their story. and it doesn't become your story. and even if it did, it's certainly not your story to share. it's just something you keep in your heart to help you understand your friend, and to maybe help them later if it somehow comes up.
at some point your friends understand, tho it's unspoken, that you will tell your significant other most of the things they tell you. but... everything? i'm uncomfortable with that. i'm telling my bestie something because i've known her for years and we love each other unconditionally and as much as she may be judging me, she will always have my back. her husband? not so much. not to say that i haven't told my married girlfriends things anyway. i would just hope she doesn't tell her significant other everything. but i also trust her judgement enough to not question what she does or does not disclose to him. so long as he doesn't throw things back in my face or tell other people my secrets. ..but i'm getting off topic a bit now.
anyway. what about you? do you tell your significant other everything? why or why not?
* the only reason it does kind of bother me he didn't tell me so many years ago is his reason for not telling me. cause i totally disagree. he thought it would make me feel differently about him. which i'm nearly positive it wouldn't have.
occasionally a friend will tell you something deeply personal. and it's because they trust you. they're trusting you with their shame or trauma or soul, not just their story. and it doesn't become your story. and even if it did, it's certainly not your story to share. it's just something you keep in your heart to help you understand your friend, and to maybe help them later if it somehow comes up.
at some point your friends understand, tho it's unspoken, that you will tell your significant other most of the things they tell you. but... everything? i'm uncomfortable with that. i'm telling my bestie something because i've known her for years and we love each other unconditionally and as much as she may be judging me, she will always have my back. her husband? not so much. not to say that i haven't told my married girlfriends things anyway. i would just hope she doesn't tell her significant other everything. but i also trust her judgement enough to not question what she does or does not disclose to him. so long as he doesn't throw things back in my face or tell other people my secrets. ..but i'm getting off topic a bit now.
anyway. what about you? do you tell your significant other everything? why or why not?
* the only reason it does kind of bother me he didn't tell me so many years ago is his reason for not telling me. cause i totally disagree. he thought it would make me feel differently about him. which i'm nearly positive it wouldn't have.
Friday, October 18, 2013
Monday, October 14, 2013
cheating
a female friend and i were talking about cheating in relationships and both of us agree that if our significant others were to do it, we might be able to forgive them and continue the relationship. but apptly our boyfriends disagree; if either my friend or i were to cheat, the boyfriends would likely just end the relationship. i realize that two people of each sex is not a huge sample group (i don't even know if you can call it a sample group. i think any group is three people or more?). but i did think the differences were interesting. i asked rip about it and he came up with a pretty good explanation:
women get hit on more than men. generally, a lot more. so they also have more opportunity to cheat (tho i think that depends on how you define opportunity. rip travels a lot more than me, with his friends who don't know me, for non-work related reasons, to places he's familiar with. which i think is the best opportunity right there. but anyway). so if a woman cheats, it shows that she's susceptible to doing it again, since it comes up much more often for her anyway. which is why a man don't trust a woman who's had a one-time indiscretion.
my friend and i think that people mess up. and sometimes that's all it is. you get stupid, or you get clumsy. that's not to say that a significant other should get a free pass to fuck up every once in a while, or even once at all. but i'd certainly be more interested in finding out why it happened than he would be.
women get hit on more than men. generally, a lot more. so they also have more opportunity to cheat (tho i think that depends on how you define opportunity. rip travels a lot more than me, with his friends who don't know me, for non-work related reasons, to places he's familiar with. which i think is the best opportunity right there. but anyway). so if a woman cheats, it shows that she's susceptible to doing it again, since it comes up much more often for her anyway. which is why a man don't trust a woman who's had a one-time indiscretion.
my friend and i think that people mess up. and sometimes that's all it is. you get stupid, or you get clumsy. that's not to say that a significant other should get a free pass to fuck up every once in a while, or even once at all. but i'd certainly be more interested in finding out why it happened than he would be.
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Sunday, October 6, 2013
gambling on ethics
last excerpt from julian baggini - the pig that wants to be eaten
Mette looked into the eyes of the her estranged husband, but could find no flicker of remorse.
"you tell me you want us back," she said to him, "but how can we do that when you won't even admit that you did the wrong thing when you left me and the children?"
"because in my heart i don't think i did wrong, and i don't want to lie to you," explained Paul. "i left because i needed to get away to follow my muse. i went in the name of art. don't you remember when we used to talk about Gauguin and how he had to do the same? you always said he had done a hard thing, but not a wrong one."
"but you are no Gauguin," signed Mette. "that's why you're back. you admit you failed."
"did Gauguin know he would succeed when he left his wife? no one can know such a thing. if he was in the right, then so was i."
"no," said Mette. "his gamble paid off, and so he turned out to be right. yours didn't, and so you turned out to be wrong."
"his gamble?" replied Paul. "are you saying luck can make the difference between right and wrong?"
Mette thought for a few moments. "yes, i suppose i am."
paul is right here. just cause gauguin became an artistic success doesn't mean that he wasn't a bad husband too. that's not to say that you shouldn't follow your dreams, because one isn't necessarily more important than the other. that's part of the trade off with public figures. most political elite and revolutionaries aren't the best spouses and parents; you only have so much time, after all. which is fine. it just depends on what your priorities are. being a success certainly makes the bitter pill of abandonment easier for your discarded family to swallow. but in no way does that make what you did right.
Mette looked into the eyes of the her estranged husband, but could find no flicker of remorse.
"you tell me you want us back," she said to him, "but how can we do that when you won't even admit that you did the wrong thing when you left me and the children?"
"because in my heart i don't think i did wrong, and i don't want to lie to you," explained Paul. "i left because i needed to get away to follow my muse. i went in the name of art. don't you remember when we used to talk about Gauguin and how he had to do the same? you always said he had done a hard thing, but not a wrong one."
"but you are no Gauguin," signed Mette. "that's why you're back. you admit you failed."
"did Gauguin know he would succeed when he left his wife? no one can know such a thing. if he was in the right, then so was i."
"no," said Mette. "his gamble paid off, and so he turned out to be right. yours didn't, and so you turned out to be wrong."
"his gamble?" replied Paul. "are you saying luck can make the difference between right and wrong?"
Mette thought for a few moments. "yes, i suppose i am."
paul is right here. just cause gauguin became an artistic success doesn't mean that he wasn't a bad husband too. that's not to say that you shouldn't follow your dreams, because one isn't necessarily more important than the other. that's part of the trade off with public figures. most political elite and revolutionaries aren't the best spouses and parents; you only have so much time, after all. which is fine. it just depends on what your priorities are. being a success certainly makes the bitter pill of abandonment easier for your discarded family to swallow. but in no way does that make what you did right.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Friday, September 27, 2013
morally superior
i read this article and the comments and it reminded me of this story from julian baggini - the pig that wants to be eaten.
Schuyler and Tryne both sheltered Jews from the Nazis during the occupation of the Netherlands. they did so, however, for quite difference reasons.it's hard to say, no? in either case, good is being done. but for some reason we rate motive so highly. i volunteer a lot. mostly because i think it's fun, i have the time, someone has to do good so why not me, and i think it's the right thing to do. but does that make me better than someone who only volunteers to get credit somehow: from school or from god? no. it probably doesn't.
Tryne was a woman whose acts of kindness were purely spontaneous. suffering and need spoke to her heart and she responded without thinking. friends admired her generosity of spirit, but sometimes reminded her that the road to hell was paved with good intentions. "you may feel moved to give money to a beggar," they would say, "but what if he then spends it all on drugs?" Tryne was unmoved by such worries. in the face of human need, all you can do is offer a hand, surely?
Schuyler, in contrast, was known a as a cold woman. the truth was that she didn't really like many people, even though she didn't hate them either. when she helped others, she did so because she had thought about their plight and her duties, and concluded that helping was the right thing to do. she felt no warm glow from her good deeds, only a sense that she had chosen correctly.
who of Schuyler and Tryne lived the more moral life?
Monday, September 23, 2013
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
anna karenina
i watched anna karenina recently because i couldn't get thru the book. it's forever long and everyone has a million names (as the russians do) but i'd always wanted to read it since it's a classic and i've never read a russian book before (i know... not even crime and punishment!)
in any case. the movie is worth a watch. it's shot really interestingly. some of it's like a play; there's a stage sometimes. some of the movements (the dance scene especially) is very choreographed, like a ballet. it's really interesting.
but, the point of this post, actually, is that some people is crazy. i dunno what it is about love, but it turns some people into raving lunatics. a lot of people grow out of it (i certainly did) but some people do not. i guess i'm just curious about why people act crazy. like, what do they think they're accomplishing? guilting people into things, stalking people, berating them, being paranoid... this does not keep people in love with you. in fact, it will eventually drive them away from you. it's tough being in love with someone who is all about the drama. a normal person will indulge you for a while, but no brand of crazy is so awesome that they'll stick around forever. ...unless there's something wrong with them as well.
in any case. the movie is worth a watch. it's shot really interestingly. some of it's like a play; there's a stage sometimes. some of the movements (the dance scene especially) is very choreographed, like a ballet. it's really interesting.
but, the point of this post, actually, is that some people is crazy. i dunno what it is about love, but it turns some people into raving lunatics. a lot of people grow out of it (i certainly did) but some people do not. i guess i'm just curious about why people act crazy. like, what do they think they're accomplishing? guilting people into things, stalking people, berating them, being paranoid... this does not keep people in love with you. in fact, it will eventually drive them away from you. it's tough being in love with someone who is all about the drama. a normal person will indulge you for a while, but no brand of crazy is so awesome that they'll stick around forever. ...unless there's something wrong with them as well.
Saturday, September 14, 2013
milky way over crater lake
june 19th's astronomy picture of the day!
if you follow the link and hover over the photo, it'll show you the constellations.
Monday, September 9, 2013
oink!
the following reminds me of the lab-grown meat from earlier this year. julian baggini - the pig that wants to be eaten
i don't have a problem with lab grown meat. it's a little weird. but i can get over it. what i cannot get over is a talking pig. even if i could somehow convince myself that it's no smarter or more developed than regular meat pigs, i wouldn't really believe it when it tells me it wants to be eaten. ...well, no. i'd believe it. but i'd think it was, like, brainwashed into thinking it. it's bred to want to be eaten. which is weird and unethical somehow. like taking away someone's freedom of choice. no one wants to be killed and eaten unless something is wrong with you. ...right?
mentally vegetated chicken? i'm somehow fine with eating that. probably because it doesn't think. which is weird cause all current animals do think and somehow i'm okay with eating them. ...so long as they're not talking. ...i am full of contradictions...
after 40 years of vegetarianism, max berger was about to sit down to feast on pork sausages, crispy bacon and pan-fried chicken breast. max has always missed the taste of meat, but his principles were stronger than his culinary cravings. but now he was able to eat meat with a clear conscience.as much as i love meat, i have some problems with eating it. most of the meat we eat comes from industries which are really not good for the environment and treat the animals very cruelly. but would i give up meat for these reasons? no. and honestly, it's just cause i like the taste too much. i do think that humans should eat meat as our bodies are made to do so, but i'd much prefer that that meat come to us in nicer ways.
the sausages and bacon and come from a pig called priscilla he had met the week before. the pig had been genetically engineered to be able to speak and, more importantly, to want to be eaten. ending up on a human's table was priscilla's lifetime ambition and she woke up on the day of her slaugher with a keen sense of anitcipation. she had told all this to max just before rushing off to the comfortable and humane slaughterhouse. having herd her story, max thought it would be disrepsectful not to eat her.
the chicken had come from a genetically modified bird which had been 'decerebrated.' in other words, it lived the life of a vegetable, with no awareness of self, environment, pain or pleasure. killing it was therefore nomore barbarous than uprooting a carrot.
yet as the plate was placed before him, max felt a twinge of nausea. was this just a reflex reaction, caused by a lifetime of vegetarianism? or was it the physical sign of a justifiable psychic distress? collecting himself, he picked up his knife and fork...
i don't have a problem with lab grown meat. it's a little weird. but i can get over it. what i cannot get over is a talking pig. even if i could somehow convince myself that it's no smarter or more developed than regular meat pigs, i wouldn't really believe it when it tells me it wants to be eaten. ...well, no. i'd believe it. but i'd think it was, like, brainwashed into thinking it. it's bred to want to be eaten. which is weird and unethical somehow. like taking away someone's freedom of choice. no one wants to be killed and eaten unless something is wrong with you. ...right?
mentally vegetated chicken? i'm somehow fine with eating that. probably because it doesn't think. which is weird cause all current animals do think and somehow i'm okay with eating them. ...so long as they're not talking. ...i am full of contradictions...
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
four planet sunset
i actually gasped when i saw this photo. it's just too beautiful!
Saturday, August 31, 2013
-mia
like 35 years ago, when my parents we dating, my dad went to the hospital for something or another. the dr takes some blood and comes back with a very serious face and tells my dad that they're going to have to keep him overnight because he apparently has leukemia.
my dad had to go home to drop off the car and by the time he came back he had already missed dinner service, which sucked cause my dad didn't eat dinner on his own. the next morning the hospital didn't get him breakfast because the night before he came in after they had taken orders for breakfast.
the blood specialist comes in and tells my dad that, haha, there seems to be a mistake. he doesn't have deadly leukemia, he has much less serious anemia! which, after talking to my dad about his life style, is probably because he doesn't eat a balanced diet. so anyway, he can go home.
my dad calls his friend to come pick him up. the friend says that he can come on his lunch break, around 1pm. my dad waits around and of course doesn't get served lunch because of course he should have been home by then. (he's missed three meals in a row by now!!) my dad keep waiting and waiting until it's after 2pm, wondering where this friend is. he can't get a hold of his friend so he calls his landlord (he hadn't lived in la for so long and didn't have so many friends with cars) who came to pick him up around 3pm.
when he goes downstairs to be picked up, the receptionist is like "i thought you left with your friend hours ago!" um... no, cause apparently someone else told the friend my dad has already been picked up!
the hospital eventually closed. btw. thank god. i'm not sure from what, but it's clear they were not being managed very well. my dad was in the hospital for about 24 hours and didn't get a single meal! and the whole reason they kept him was because they misdiagnosed him too! ...ridiculous!
my dad had to go home to drop off the car and by the time he came back he had already missed dinner service, which sucked cause my dad didn't eat dinner on his own. the next morning the hospital didn't get him breakfast because the night before he came in after they had taken orders for breakfast.
the blood specialist comes in and tells my dad that, haha, there seems to be a mistake. he doesn't have deadly leukemia, he has much less serious anemia! which, after talking to my dad about his life style, is probably because he doesn't eat a balanced diet. so anyway, he can go home.
my dad calls his friend to come pick him up. the friend says that he can come on his lunch break, around 1pm. my dad waits around and of course doesn't get served lunch because of course he should have been home by then. (he's missed three meals in a row by now!!) my dad keep waiting and waiting until it's after 2pm, wondering where this friend is. he can't get a hold of his friend so he calls his landlord (he hadn't lived in la for so long and didn't have so many friends with cars) who came to pick him up around 3pm.
when he goes downstairs to be picked up, the receptionist is like "i thought you left with your friend hours ago!" um... no, cause apparently someone else told the friend my dad has already been picked up!
the hospital eventually closed. btw. thank god. i'm not sure from what, but it's clear they were not being managed very well. my dad was in the hospital for about 24 hours and didn't get a single meal! and the whole reason they kept him was because they misdiagnosed him too! ...ridiculous!
Monday, August 26, 2013
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
lb 2013
long beach this year was really good. last year i didn't have such a good time because i was working too much and because of some drama with rip. but this year it was totally different. i barely volunteered at all since we already had so many marshaling volunteers. and even better, since they had mostly paddled before, they were all great! in addition to not working, i only paddled with socow and called a couple races for boston sci, so i had a lot more free time this race. i even managed to take a nap on saturday!
of course, i didn't hang out at the tent all weekend. in addition to the usual stuff, gary let me start a race! i was pretty nervous, of course, since i'd read a lot of bad reviews of our starter from baby LB. but it was an elementary school race so it was only 4 boats, i knew all the steers, and it was a 250m without the start blocks. so i got all the boats lined up pretty quickly, and i did the thing: "paddlers are you ready, attention please, go!" and no one moved. no one. not even a little bit. lol. gary and i looked at each other. "i don't think they heard you." hahaha, then he did it himself and it went fine. :) i later talked to a steer from the race and he said they did hear me but since they were elementary school kids they just weren't ready to go yet. lol. maybe i should've called the all women's cancer survivor's race.
boston sci did terribly. of course. i think we place last in all our races? maybe 2nd to last in one or two, lol., oh well. socow did not do well in our first race, but it was seeding to div III and IV so we were up against some very legit year-round teams (including lard red!). in our 2nd race our steer miscounted lanes and we ended up colliding with electric dragons before she called a check. we placed last. didn't even beat the pinks. sheesh. in our finals race, since the team was pretty upset with her (she'd actually messed up in our first race too, tho nothing that cost us time), i switched steers and went with herrick, a festival team steer. but i've always liked him and thought he did a good job at testing a couple weeks ago. he did excellently. everyone really liked him. and, more importantly, we placed 2nd! 2nd in the lowest division, mix IV C, but it meant that we won medals. haha!
i had to stay for the award ceremony since i was presenting the icdbf trophies and since socow won our first medals in like give years some of the team also decided to stay behind since it was was supposed to be no more than a two hour wait. supposed to be. ...and so of course it ended up taking something like four fucking hours or something like that. they ended up rerunning a race, which took forever. and for some crazy reason they stopped using both sets of boats so things ended up taking even longer. i got on the chase boats taping the start blocks (even got on the catamaran this time!), and nosed around starting too. probably should've went to marshaling to try to hustle things along or at least find out what the delay was about (starting and chase boats had no idea what was happening. our walkies were either not working, or were not being responded to).
awards were... not so bad. haha, i breezed thru mine, which was easy since i only handed out six. but we stayed nearly thru the end because mary announced the regular awards in "reverse" order so div 4c was announced last! gah!!
that night we went to korean bbq, of course. (at some point over the weekend our team chant became "bar be que! bar be que! bar be que!") where we were presented our medals. after we had boba. it was pretty great since everyone went to both!
anyway, so yeah. this year was great! it was like before i got too involved with the other stuff and stopped having fun. i know mike wants me to be a race official (which i think i'm going to do for the la race again), but i really like not running around so much. i got to hang with the team, which was really great. the only thing that would've made this year better is if rip was around, but he was in the carribean for a tourney. as i told him before, i'm sad i didn't go with him, but since i would've regretted something either way, i picked the one i knew i could live with. there were of course a few hiccups but i think the overall feeling from everyone is that this was our best tourney yet.
anyway, so yeah. this year was great! it was like before i got too involved with the other stuff and stopped having fun. i know mike wants me to be a race official (which i think i'm going to do for the la race again), but i really like not running around so much. i got to hang with the team, which was really great. the only thing that would've made this year better is if rip was around, but he was in the carribean for a tourney. as i told him before, i'm sad i didn't go with him, but since i would've regretted something either way, i picked the one i knew i could live with. there were of course a few hiccups but i think the overall feeling from everyone is that this was our best tourney yet.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
type cast
assuming there is an answer, is it good or bad to have a "type"?
having a type means that you know what you want. you're attracted to a type of person and don't want to waste your time dating others. that's good, no? except, at worst, it might also say that you're narrow minded. i think i'd just worry that i'd miss someone really great for me because they don't fulfill all the requirements on my "checklist". but i am the kind of person who thinks that new experiences are good, and that getting out of your comfort zone is generally a good thing.
not having a type means that you'll constantly be getting close to new people who maybe don't have much in common with you. it gives you the opportunity to learn new things, or, at the very least, find out about how different people are from you. but not having a type can also mean that you don't know what you like. because maybe you don't know who you are. you can see this is those girlfriends (or boyfriends) who, with every new boyfriend (or girlfriend) picks up a new hobby or lifestyle: bowling, watching tennis, fishing. it's cool if your significant other introduces you to something that sparks a genuine interest. but it's a little strange when immediately after that breakup you're googling tattoo removal and deleting all your punk mp3s.
having a type means that you know what you want. you're attracted to a type of person and don't want to waste your time dating others. that's good, no? except, at worst, it might also say that you're narrow minded. i think i'd just worry that i'd miss someone really great for me because they don't fulfill all the requirements on my "checklist". but i am the kind of person who thinks that new experiences are good, and that getting out of your comfort zone is generally a good thing.
not having a type means that you'll constantly be getting close to new people who maybe don't have much in common with you. it gives you the opportunity to learn new things, or, at the very least, find out about how different people are from you. but not having a type can also mean that you don't know what you like. because maybe you don't know who you are. you can see this is those girlfriends (or boyfriends) who, with every new boyfriend (or girlfriend) picks up a new hobby or lifestyle: bowling, watching tennis, fishing. it's cool if your significant other introduces you to something that sparks a genuine interest. but it's a little strange when immediately after that breakup you're googling tattoo removal and deleting all your punk mp3s.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Friday, August 2, 2013
avoiding ghosts
how to avoid a haunted house:
- don't have kids.
- if you have kids, and a daughter, don't let her have long hair.
- if you a kid that sleepwalks, get rid of that kid immediately.
- don't buy your kids scary looking toys, especially creepy looking dolls.
- if your kid finds a toy, get rid of the toy. to be safe, maybe the kid too.
- don't ever play creepy games with kids involving looking into mirrors.
- to prevent your kid from playing creepy games involving looking into mirrors, get rid of the kid (or mirrors, I guess)
- only get rid of your kids in a humane manner (absolutely no drowning!). and the father should probably do it, not the mother.
- hire a priest immediately if your kid has an imaginary friend. that friend is not imaginary. it's a fucking ghost.
- bring your dog to your prospective house before buying it. if your dog has a bad reaction, don't buy it; it's haunted. don't have a dog? borrow one. hell, borrow a couple anyway, in case that first dog is a dummy.
- don't get a house that doesn't have neighbors nearby. unless those neighbors are scary looking, or have kids with creepy dolls. then they're probably murderers.
- if you wake up with unexplained bruises, call a priest.
- don't investigate scary noises, especially if you're alone. and don't ever look under your bed.
- if you have the urge to turn around to see what's behind you, don't turn slow. turn fast and maybe scare that ghost first.
- inexplicable static on the tv/radio? clocks stop the same time each day for no reason? yup, you're screwed.
- get a flashlight, idiot, it's the 21st century. matches are like beacons for ghosts anyway. but be sure to constantly check your batteries.
- don't take baths. especially if it's an old standalone bathtub.
- avoid houses with wallpaper, hardwood floors, curtains, a cellar, and without modern heating.
- discover a boarded up room or cellar after moving in? gtfo!!
- after moving in, if you find anything left behind in the house, first get a priest to do a cleansing, then burn that shit.
- wd40 everything. ghosts are attracted to squeaky hinges.
- don't buy an old house (duh). a condo is probably your safest bet. apartments are occasionally haunted too. especially if they're old or it's in a high tower.
- do some freaking homework before you buy a house. someone killed themselves in there? don't buy it. (unless your dog says it's okay. but if your dog changes its mind, move immediately)
if you want to be extra careful:
- don't get a house with a lake behind it.
- if there's a big dead tree with sturdy branches in the yard, that's a sure fire sign that someone was hanged there. and yes, they're still pissed about it.
- don't have old things like antiques or heirlooms. get all your shit from ikea or target.
- don't live back east or in the midwest. what was the last ghost movie set somewhere tropical? besides, houses back east tend to be 1. old and 2. have cellars, curtains, hardwood floors, wallpaper and no modern heating. in other words, they're freaking ghost magnets.
- don't be white. being japanese probably doesn't help either.
- don't be female.
- can't say this enough, but don't have kids.
*disclaimer about kids. having one doesn't guarantee a haunting. but the more kids you have (unless they're identical twins) seems to prevent hauntings. and the older they get, the less likely anyone is to get possessed. unless they're a teenager, then you're right back in the danger zone cause teens like to play creepy games, often with mirrors. but usually that "ghost" ends up being a serial killer who only kills teens and their stupid friends. so if it's too late and you already have a teenager, start scheduling a lot of vacations away from it.
- don't have kids.
- if you have kids, and a daughter, don't let her have long hair.
- if you a kid that sleepwalks, get rid of that kid immediately.
- don't buy your kids scary looking toys, especially creepy looking dolls.
- if your kid finds a toy, get rid of the toy. to be safe, maybe the kid too.
- don't ever play creepy games with kids involving looking into mirrors.
- to prevent your kid from playing creepy games involving looking into mirrors, get rid of the kid (or mirrors, I guess)
- only get rid of your kids in a humane manner (absolutely no drowning!). and the father should probably do it, not the mother.
- hire a priest immediately if your kid has an imaginary friend. that friend is not imaginary. it's a fucking ghost.
- bring your dog to your prospective house before buying it. if your dog has a bad reaction, don't buy it; it's haunted. don't have a dog? borrow one. hell, borrow a couple anyway, in case that first dog is a dummy.
- don't get a house that doesn't have neighbors nearby. unless those neighbors are scary looking, or have kids with creepy dolls. then they're probably murderers.
- if you wake up with unexplained bruises, call a priest.
- don't investigate scary noises, especially if you're alone. and don't ever look under your bed.
- if you have the urge to turn around to see what's behind you, don't turn slow. turn fast and maybe scare that ghost first.
- inexplicable static on the tv/radio? clocks stop the same time each day for no reason? yup, you're screwed.
- get a flashlight, idiot, it's the 21st century. matches are like beacons for ghosts anyway. but be sure to constantly check your batteries.
- don't take baths. especially if it's an old standalone bathtub.
- avoid houses with wallpaper, hardwood floors, curtains, a cellar, and without modern heating.
- discover a boarded up room or cellar after moving in? gtfo!!
- after moving in, if you find anything left behind in the house, first get a priest to do a cleansing, then burn that shit.
- wd40 everything. ghosts are attracted to squeaky hinges.
- don't buy an old house (duh). a condo is probably your safest bet. apartments are occasionally haunted too. especially if they're old or it's in a high tower.
- do some freaking homework before you buy a house. someone killed themselves in there? don't buy it. (unless your dog says it's okay. but if your dog changes its mind, move immediately)
if you want to be extra careful:
- don't get a house with a lake behind it.
- if there's a big dead tree with sturdy branches in the yard, that's a sure fire sign that someone was hanged there. and yes, they're still pissed about it.
- don't have old things like antiques or heirlooms. get all your shit from ikea or target.
- don't live back east or in the midwest. what was the last ghost movie set somewhere tropical? besides, houses back east tend to be 1. old and 2. have cellars, curtains, hardwood floors, wallpaper and no modern heating. in other words, they're freaking ghost magnets.
- don't be white. being japanese probably doesn't help either.
- don't be female.
- can't say this enough, but don't have kids.
*disclaimer about kids. having one doesn't guarantee a haunting. but the more kids you have (unless they're identical twins) seems to prevent hauntings. and the older they get, the less likely anyone is to get possessed. unless they're a teenager, then you're right back in the danger zone cause teens like to play creepy games, often with mirrors. but usually that "ghost" ends up being a serial killer who only kills teens and their stupid friends. so if it's too late and you already have a teenager, start scheduling a lot of vacations away from it.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Saturday, July 27, 2013
dunzo pt4
more than anything, the thing that most bothers me about captain R is that he doesn't take responsibility for things. he hands off the blame to others when he's the one who should know better. not only is he captain, he's the only space captain that goes to the captains' meetings. so that right there means you're in charge and therefore responsible for getting things done properly and on time.
lately i've gotten a couple emails from him either blaming me for not giving enough advance notice, or blaming certifier A for not covering his responsibilities. i had fucking had it. i'd talked about this stuff at every captains meeting, i'd emailed schedules and updated and detailed spreadsheets, tweeted, fb'ed... below is a clip of the email i sent:
"I will accept emailed paperwork until midnight tonight but I will not accept this type of irresponsible behavior again. The tournament is a few days away and I do not have time for this, which is exactly why I set the deadline for completion of requirements (sans CPR) for year-round steering certification nearly two months ago. You have missed multiple deadlines with nary a sorry. Instead from your emails it seems that perhaps your leadership should review what their own responsibilities are."
i got that apology. and i also finally got that fucking paperwork. it's so crazy to think that all it took was an angry email for them to finally get their shit in line. i don't know what certifier A is going to do next year. she had talked about quitting. a lot of the vets have either already done it, or are seriously considering quitting. it makes me sad, honestly, it really does. i do really like the team, and nearly everyone on it. i just can't stand the way it's being run. i know that no matter what team i join there will be drama. but hopefully it'll be the dumb crap of who's sleeping with whom. none of this blaming innocents when you fail to do your job.
the only questions now are 1. do i keep my jersey? and 2. do i go to year-end banquet to say goodbye.
lately i've gotten a couple emails from him either blaming me for not giving enough advance notice, or blaming certifier A for not covering his responsibilities. i had fucking had it. i'd talked about this stuff at every captains meeting, i'd emailed schedules and updated and detailed spreadsheets, tweeted, fb'ed... below is a clip of the email i sent:
"I will accept emailed paperwork until midnight tonight but I will not accept this type of irresponsible behavior again. The tournament is a few days away and I do not have time for this, which is exactly why I set the deadline for completion of requirements (sans CPR) for year-round steering certification nearly two months ago. You have missed multiple deadlines with nary a sorry. Instead from your emails it seems that perhaps your leadership should review what their own responsibilities are."
i got that apology. and i also finally got that fucking paperwork. it's so crazy to think that all it took was an angry email for them to finally get their shit in line. i don't know what certifier A is going to do next year. she had talked about quitting. a lot of the vets have either already done it, or are seriously considering quitting. it makes me sad, honestly, it really does. i do really like the team, and nearly everyone on it. i just can't stand the way it's being run. i know that no matter what team i join there will be drama. but hopefully it'll be the dumb crap of who's sleeping with whom. none of this blaming innocents when you fail to do your job.
the only questions now are 1. do i keep my jersey? and 2. do i go to year-end banquet to say goodbye.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
ruby sparks
i recently watched ruby sparks. it's about calvin, "a novelist struggling with writer's block finds romance in a most
unusual way: by creating a female character he thinks will love him,
then willing her into existence." he writes about her on his typewriter and one morning, when he wakes up, she's there and she's real.
while initially freaked the fuck out, he ends up falling in love with her. i mean, he modeled her after the perfect woman, so why wouldn't he? but since she really is "a real person" of course they start to have the problems that all real relationships do. she eventually asks for some space.
after telling his brother ruby's "creation story" he says that he's no longer going to write about her. the brother asks why? after all, he can do anything: make her hotter, or less annoying. calvin says no.
but after ruby asks for some space he rethinks the situation. he's miserable, and she isn't at all. in fact, she's flourishing. so he sits down at his typewriter and makes her miserable. she immediately calls him and wants him back and and she is a freaking weirdo. she can't stand to be alone, not even for a little bit. he unwrites that and makes her "effervescently happy". she becomes weirder still. it's like she's a little kid. a little kid on e. it's exhausting."she wasn't happy. so I made her happy... and now she's like this all the time." and now he's in a bit of a pickle. the brother asks why he doesn't just write "and ruby went back to normal." calvin says that before he started writing about her again, she was probably just about to break up with him.
i wonder what i would do. if i could change rip, would i? i probably would. little things mostly. like so he wouldn't ever chew with his mouth open again. but would i mess with the "big" things? the things that actually have to do with the essence of him? ...to be honest, i don't know. there are things, serious things, that we just don't agree on. and it would be so nice and easy to just make him. haha. but that would be unethical. ...but would i care? would you?
while initially freaked the fuck out, he ends up falling in love with her. i mean, he modeled her after the perfect woman, so why wouldn't he? but since she really is "a real person" of course they start to have the problems that all real relationships do. she eventually asks for some space.
after telling his brother ruby's "creation story" he says that he's no longer going to write about her. the brother asks why? after all, he can do anything: make her hotter, or less annoying. calvin says no.
but after ruby asks for some space he rethinks the situation. he's miserable, and she isn't at all. in fact, she's flourishing. so he sits down at his typewriter and makes her miserable. she immediately calls him and wants him back and and she is a freaking weirdo. she can't stand to be alone, not even for a little bit. he unwrites that and makes her "effervescently happy". she becomes weirder still. it's like she's a little kid. a little kid on e. it's exhausting."she wasn't happy. so I made her happy... and now she's like this all the time." and now he's in a bit of a pickle. the brother asks why he doesn't just write "and ruby went back to normal." calvin says that before he started writing about her again, she was probably just about to break up with him.
i wonder what i would do. if i could change rip, would i? i probably would. little things mostly. like so he wouldn't ever chew with his mouth open again. but would i mess with the "big" things? the things that actually have to do with the essence of him? ...to be honest, i don't know. there are things, serious things, that we just don't agree on. and it would be so nice and easy to just make him. haha. but that would be unethical. ...but would i care? would you?
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Thursday, July 18, 2013
china 9 - vancouver (6/20)
my last morning in china i didn't do anything. i ran some errands, packed, showered, and went to the airport. i was almost home! ...sorta. hahah. i had an 8 hour layover in vancouver before actually getting home. originally i had a four hour layover but i do like vancouver so much that i decided to schedule a longer one so i could actually leave the airport and see the city.
my flight was without note, except for the lady next to me. she was the most annoying person i've flown next to. incredibly nosy and completely unaware of personal space. she watched movies over my shoulder (tho she had her own working screen), put up our dividing arm rest without asking me first, kept talking to me tho i was giving her every indication that i didn't want to talk to her, bleh. at some point i "forgot" i knew chinese. i did, however, get a free cup o noodles from a flight attendant. :) it made me really happy cause on my flight to beijing i also got a cup o noodles. the whole plane did actually. i think it was their way of making up for the flight delay? whatever. i love cup o noodles!
it rained the whole time i was in vancouver. bah. but at least it wasn't a heavy rain. i went to macleod's books for a bit and on the way there i found an alley filled with really great street art. macleod's was smaller than i thought i'd be. but i found a couple great books anyway. i wasn't expecting for everything to go so quickly (customs, the metro, the walk, the bookstore) so i had a bit more time that i had expected to have. before i'd left for china i'd had the vague notion of meeting up with some space people since a number of them were getting in early for alcan. but i'd never gotten in touch with anyone (i've been shutting myself out because i feel guilty about switching teams next year). also, i didn't have fb in china and that's how most of the teammates talk to each other.
since i was close i went to canada place and the convention center to walk around and to see the olympic cauldron from the 2010 winter games. it was cool cause i'd seen some olympic stuff in beijing too (tho not the cauldron). i hadn't been to either place since their olympics. eventually i went and had an early dinner at fatburger which makes me laugh cause i've always wanted to eat there but never have and finally do in canada tho it's a chain that started in southern california! i probably should have eaten at taco time cause i see them all the time in canada, but i can't really bring myself to cause we must have better mexican good down here in socal, no?
anyway, i eventually get back to yvr and get on home. and that was it. trip over. i've come to realize that these china trips are like summer camp. you go somewhere, meet new people, live and eat and go on "field trips" with them and after a week or so it ends.
final thoughts? china is not the place for me. much as i think it's an amazing place to visit, i could not live there. of all the things to dislike about the place: the spitting, the toilets, the unsanitary-ness, traffic, noise, lack of credit cad friendliness; there's so much more to love. but the thing that got to me was the beijing metro. at all hours of the day there are people trying to get somewhere. it's an actual river of people. i kept thinking of it like sperm. sperm swimming and rushing and i hate that god awful crush of people. esp cause there's less racial diversity there so most everyone looks alike with their black hair; it's even worse. a person could get lost there. reminds me of a line from amy tan's the joy luck club: "and he proceeded to pour a riverful of the salty black stuff on the platter, right before my mother's horrified eyes."
vancouver - still love it. i thought i might hold against it our extended layover from the first half of the trip. but, no, of course not. in some way i love vancouver even more now that i stumbled on the graffiti filled alleyway and found that i could use my credit card anywhere. anywhere. from the metro to the bookstore to the restaurants, i love it.
last last thoughts? i'm looking forward to next year. whether it be in china, singapore, taiwan, or wherever. i'll be happy to be there. :)
my flight was without note, except for the lady next to me. she was the most annoying person i've flown next to. incredibly nosy and completely unaware of personal space. she watched movies over my shoulder (tho she had her own working screen), put up our dividing arm rest without asking me first, kept talking to me tho i was giving her every indication that i didn't want to talk to her, bleh. at some point i "forgot" i knew chinese. i did, however, get a free cup o noodles from a flight attendant. :) it made me really happy cause on my flight to beijing i also got a cup o noodles. the whole plane did actually. i think it was their way of making up for the flight delay? whatever. i love cup o noodles!
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| macleod's. obviously. god, i love me a firetrap of a bookstore! |
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| love this piece! it's so northwest tribal art. fantastic! |
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| digital orca by douglas coupland |
last last thoughts? i'm looking forward to next year. whether it be in china, singapore, taiwan, or wherever. i'll be happy to be there. :)
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