avoiding ghosts

how to avoid a haunted house:

- don't have kids.
- if you have kids, and a daughter, don't let her have long hair.
- if you a kid that sleepwalks, get rid of that kid immediately.
- don't buy your kids scary looking toys, especially creepy looking dolls. 
- if your kid finds a toy, get rid of the toy. to be safe, maybe the kid too.
- don't ever play creepy games with kids involving looking into mirrors.
- to prevent your kid from playing creepy games involving looking into mirrors, get rid of the kid (or mirrors, I guess)
- only get rid of your kids in a humane manner (absolutely no drowning!). and the father should probably do it, not the mother.
- hire a priest immediately if your kid has an imaginary friend. that friend is not imaginary. it's a fucking ghost.
- bring your dog to your prospective house before buying it. if your dog has a bad reaction, don't buy it; it's haunted. don't have a dog? borrow one. hell, borrow a couple anyway, in case that first dog is a dummy.
- don't get a house that doesn't have neighbors nearby. unless those neighbors are scary looking, or have kids with creepy dolls. then they're probably murderers.
- if you wake up with unexplained bruises, call a priest.
- don't investigate scary noises, especially if you're alone. and don't ever look under your bed.
- if you have the urge to turn around to see what's behind you, don't turn slow. turn fast and maybe scare that ghost first.
- inexplicable static on the tv/radio? clocks stop the same time each day for no reason? yup, you're screwed.
- get a flashlight, idiot, it's the 21st century. matches are like beacons for ghosts anyway. but be sure to constantly check your batteries.
- don't take baths. especially if it's an old standalone bathtub.
- avoid houses with wallpaper, hardwood floors, curtains, a cellar, and without modern heating.
- discover a boarded up room or cellar after moving in? gtfo!!
- after moving in, if you find anything left behind in the house, first get a priest to do a cleansing, then burn that shit.
- wd40 everything. ghosts are attracted to squeaky hinges.
- don't buy an old house (duh). a condo is probably your safest bet. apartments are occasionally haunted too. especially if they're old or it's in a high tower.
- do some freaking homework before you buy a house. someone killed themselves in there? don't buy it. (unless your dog says it's okay. but if your dog changes its mind, move immediately)

if you want to be extra careful:
- don't get a house with a lake behind it.
- if there's a big dead tree with sturdy branches in the yard, that's a sure fire sign that someone was hanged there. and yes, they're still pissed about it.
- don't have old things like antiques or heirlooms. get all your shit from ikea or target.
- don't live back east or in the midwest. what was the last ghost movie set somewhere tropical? besides, houses back east tend to be 1. old and 2. have cellars, curtains, hardwood floors, wallpaper and no modern heating. in other words, they're freaking ghost magnets.
- don't be white. being japanese probably doesn't help either.
- don't be female.
- can't say this enough, but don't have kids.

*disclaimer about kids. having one doesn't guarantee a haunting. but the more kids you have (unless they're identical twins) seems to prevent hauntings. and the older they get, the less likely anyone is to get possessed. unless they're a teenager, then you're right back in the danger zone cause teens like to play creepy games, often with mirrors. but usually that "ghost" ends up being a serial killer who only kills teens and their stupid friends. so if it's too late and you already have a teenager, start scheduling a lot of vacations away from it.

emergency kit

taken from ready america.

When preparing for a possible emergency situation, it's best to think first about the basics of survival: fresh water, food, clean air and warmth.

Recommended Items to Include in a Basic Emergency Supply Kit:

• Water, one gallon of water per person per day for at least three days, for drinking and sanitation
• Food, at least a three-day supply of non-perishable food
• Battery-powered or hand crank radio and a NOAA Weather Radio with tone alert and extra batteries for both
• Flashlight and extra batteries
• First aid kit
• Whistle to signal for help
• Dust mask, to help filter contaminated air and plastic sheeting and duct tape to shelter-in-place
• Moist towelettes, garbage bags and plastic ties for personal sanitation
• Wrench or pliers to turn off utilities
• Can opener for food (if kit contains canned food)
• Local maps
• Cell phone with chargers

Additional Items to Consider Adding to an Emergency Supply Kit:

• Prescription medications and glasses
• Infant formula and diapers
• Pet food and extra water for your pet
• Important family documents such as copies of insurance policies, identification and bank account records in a waterproof, portable container
• Cash or traveler's checks and change
• Emergency reference material such as a first aid book or information from www.ready.gov
• Sleeping bag or warm blanket for each person. Consider additional bedding if you live in a cold-weather climate.
• Complete change of clothing including a long sleeved shirt, long pants and sturdy shoes. Consider additional clothing if you live in a cold-weather climate.
• Household chlorine bleach and medicine dropper – When diluted nine parts water to one part bleach, bleach can be used as a disinfectant. Or in an emergency, you can use it to treat water by using 16 drops of regular household liquid bleach per gallon of water. Do not use scented, color safe or bleaches with added cleaners.
• Fire Extinguisher
• Matches in a waterproof container
• Feminine supplies and personal hygiene items
• Mess kits, paper cups, plates and plastic utensils, paper towels
• Paper and pencil
• Books, games, puzzles or other activities for children    

sample / warehouse sale tips

i've only been to a few sample / warehouse sales, but i learned really quickly that to be an effective shopper, you need to prepare!

1. give yourself a few hours. seriously, i've never been to a sample sale (a good one anyway) that didn't take less than 3 hours. also give yourself extra time to find parking.

2. make sure to check payment types. most places take credit cards (visa and mastercard, anyway) but you never know... also, there seems to be a weird tax rule in california. there is no tax for a sample sale, but there is tax for a warehouse sale.

3. go with someone! a lot of warehouses don't provide mirrors, and if they do, there are only a couple. also one of you can shop while the other stakes out a place in line.

4. what to wear:
       - comfortable shoes that you can easily slip on and off
       - a tight, form-fitting top, so when you try on shirts and tops you won't be bulky underneath
       - either leggings, tights, or a short, loose skirt. you can try on pants on top of leggings or tights, though i prefer a flowy skirt with a loose waistband because it's even easier. a skirt won't interfere with the fit of the pants, and there won't be any friction (hello static!) when trying to take them off.
       - a cross-body purse. you'll be grabbing a bunch of merchandise to try on later and a shoulder purse will just get in the way.

5. decide on your budget before you start shopping. people will cull through their catch while waiting in line, and if that line is really long you'll be tempted to grab a few more things to make the wait "worthwhile." and yes, you can sell your extra stuff on ebay, but will you really?

6. if you get hungry / thirsty easily, bring something. you might be there for hours!

7. don't forget to bring something to do while waiting in line.

drive tips

a friend of mind is organizing a food drive and asked me to help. and while looking up donation drop-off locations, i came across this tip sheet on how to effectively organize a successful food drive. this is the third drive i've helped organize so i've edited / added a few things so if you do a small drive of any kind (food, shoes, clothes...), hopefully this list will help. (i haven't done any large community drives so this tip sheet is missing a lot of info for that. but these basics should still hold.)

Before the drive

Do research – not every food bank (or whatever) is the same, i.e. they don’t all need the same stuff.

Contact the organization for tips and other information – your contact person may give you different information than what’s on their website. For instance, when I emailed soles4souls, my contact said that shoes in any condition were okay, but their website specified “gently used shoes.”

Determine the start date and duration of your drive – a shorter length is generally better, otherwise people will keep holding off on donations.

Set a goal – this will help you decide how much to publicize and how long to run it.

Get containers – a lot of organizations will provide them for you.

Consider a theme – example: Valentine's day - Give from the Heart

"Market" through your work, church, sports team... – This way you already have a good pool of people and you can have get in on the weekly announcements or emails already being sent out.

But if you go through your work, church, sports team... make sure you ask the higher ups for permission first! – It's unlikely your boss will say no to a food drive, but it's possible your company is already working on one. Even if there are no conflicts of interest, it's good to get your superiors involved. Besides, they can network to other departments as well.


During the drive

Have informative promotional materials – Make it clear which charity you'll be contributing to, include a list of most wanted items, provide a website or flier so people can learn more about the issue. Also encourage financial contributions for those who don't have material goods to donate.

Place your donation boxes and promotional materials in high traffic areas and provide info (the charity's, the drive info [cut-off date], your contact info).

After the drive

Remember to send out a thank you (email, poster, flier), which should include final results and how to help in the future.

Encourage other to help package everything up - A lot of people would like to see your project through, so let them.

Let your charity know how much you collected and when you are dropping it off or shipping it in so that they will be expecting you.