last week was basically the best week reep and i have had in a long time. and no this feeling isn't just one sided, he said pretty much the same thing last night. but then yesterday i screwed things up. yeah, good job stephanie. i just... shit. i love him so much and yet i can't seem to stop f*cking things up wit him. that's not normal is it? anyway, right now things are sorta... up in the air? he asked earlier if this is how i want our relationship to be. obviously no. but it's not that easy is it? it's not just a simple renovation our relationship calls for. we'd have to start over. from the foundation even. ...shite. ...do you kno that whenever i make a wish regarding our relatoinship on a star i wish that 'everything works out for the best' or that 'we're both happy'. it's not 'i wish that reepal and i would get over this fight' or 'i wish reepal and i would make up'. last night one of my roomates asked if i was happy. and i replied that i was, until that night, cause the week before had been something close to perfect. and she asked if i had noticed that i always quantify my happiness. this month, last week, right now... when will i unequivically just be able to say yes?
'it's the same thing again' 'it's a feeling i’ve had many times before: i struggle and sweat when i'm wide awake' / 'my fault is it? now well, that's news to me' / 'and you blast off in another rant' 'i've not opened my mouth; can you read my mind so easily?' / 'curled and joyless we try once again'
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