i recently watched the documentary "Do I Sound Gay?"
i won't get too much into the premise other than that a guy, who is gay, worries that he sounds too gay. he does a bunch of interviews and visits two speech coaches.
apparently gay "sounds" like either, but apparently it's speaking with a lisp, increased nasality, enunciation, a wider pitch range, breathy voice, certain lengthened vowel sounds, and adding like an "s" sound to some non-s sounds. gay speech is also stereotyped as resembling women's speech, maybe because young gay boys hang out more with women (because straight guys make fun of them, beat them up, etc.)
so i'm curious. what about gay guys who grew up around men only? or straight guys who grew up surrounded only by women (one guy in the documentary did, and he has a very high pitched voice. i don't think his speech had the other stereotyped traits, but from pitch alone, he certainly sounded female)? and do gay russian or chinese or bolivian guys also "sound gay" the same way americans do? can people identify sexual orientation people speaking foreign languages? probably not, because we're not particularly good at correctly identifying sexual orientation from speech alone, even when it's all in english.
but i'm also curious about lesbians and everyone on the spectrum. do lesbians speak differently as well? and if there really is a "gay" characteristic of speech, how to bisexuals or asexuals, etc sound?
interesting blog post that addresses some of my questions. https://joeclark.org/soundinggay.html
Sunday, June 16, 2019
Tuesday, April 30, 2019
more towels!
new count!
26 bed sheets, 7 pillow cases, 10 pillows, 11 blankets
15 small towels, 24 medium towels, 35 big towels
a dog toy, and a big bed, bath rug
3 cans cat food, hair brush, half bottle stain and odor remover
big thanks to ting who asked coworkers, and to tiffany who's family is doing some major spring cleaning. the two of them have collected the majority of the donations. :)
26 bed sheets, 7 pillow cases, 10 pillows, 11 blankets
15 small towels, 24 medium towels, 35 big towels
a dog toy, and a big bed, bath rug
3 cans cat food, hair brush, half bottle stain and odor remover
 |
| this is all from tiffany's family!!! spring cleaning is no joke! |
Saturday, April 20, 2019
scars
i thought i had gotten out of my previous relationship almost completely unscathed. honestly, i still pretty much think it. but it's hard to end a 16 year relationship without holding onto some baggage. tho i only recently realized how bad it is.
i don't like to talk about feelings, particularly what's bothering me. i think i've always been that way. asian repression, maybe. but during the course of my last relationship, that habit got a lot worse. (no need to talk about why.) but now, when something bothers me, it still takes me weeks to bring it up. but the worst part is that i have to do it in the dark, and with my eyes closed, preferably laying down. it takes several minutes to come out, and i cry, and i shake, and it's weird how difficult it is.
i think i'm getting better tho. j is incredibly patient with me and gives me positive reinforcement after, which i need. i hope i continue to grow in this aspect. i hate that my presentation sometimes makes the issue much larger than it is.
i don't like to talk about feelings, particularly what's bothering me. i think i've always been that way. asian repression, maybe. but during the course of my last relationship, that habit got a lot worse. (no need to talk about why.) but now, when something bothers me, it still takes me weeks to bring it up. but the worst part is that i have to do it in the dark, and with my eyes closed, preferably laying down. it takes several minutes to come out, and i cry, and i shake, and it's weird how difficult it is.
i think i'm getting better tho. j is incredibly patient with me and gives me positive reinforcement after, which i need. i hope i continue to grow in this aspect. i hate that my presentation sometimes makes the issue much larger than it is.
Sunday, March 31, 2019
scared
Guys ask why women are so pissed off. Even guys with wives and daughters. Jackson Katz, a prominent social researcher, illustrates why. He's done it with hundreds of audiences:
"I draw a line down the middle of a chalkboard, sketching a male symbol on one side and a female symbol on the other.
Then I ask just the men: What steps do you guys take, on a daily basis, to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted? At first there is a kind of awkward silence as the men try to figure out if they've been asked a trick question. The silence gives way to a smattering of nervous laughter. Occasionally, a young a guy will raise his hand and say, 'I stay out of prison.' This is typically followed by another moment of laughter, before someone finally raises his hand and soberly states, 'Nothing. I don't think about it.'
Then I ask the women the same question. What steps do you take on a daily basis to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted? Women throughout the audience immediately start raising their hands. As the men sit in stunned silence, the women recount safety precautions they take as part of their daily routine. Hold my keys as a potential weapon. Look in the back seat of the car before getting in. Carry a cell phone. Don't go jogging at night. Lock all the windows when I sleep, even on hot summer nights. Be careful not to drink too much. Don't put my drink down and come back to it; make sure I see it being poured. Own a big dog. Carry Mace or pepper spray. Have an unlisted phone number. Have a man's voice on my answering machine. Park in well-lit areas. Don't use parking garages. Don't get on elevators with only one man, or with a group of men. Vary my route home from work. Watch what I wear. Don't use highway rest areas. Use a home alarm system. Don't wear headphones when jogging. Avoid forests or wooded areas, even in the daytime. Don't take a first-floor apartment. Go out in groups. Own a firearm. Meet men on first dates in public places. Make sure to have a car or cab fare. Don't make eye contact with men on the street. Make assertive eye contact with men on the street.”
― Jackson Katz, The Macho Paradox: Why Some Men Hurt Women and How All Men Can Help (The first man to minor in women's studies at the University of Massachusetts-Amherst, holds a master's degree from the Harvard Graduate School of Education, and a Ph.D. in cultural studies and education from UCLA.)
i read this and related to the women, but, strangely, also very much to the men. honestly, i don't normally think about my physical safety, even when i travel alone.
from the above list, i only do two. 1. hold my keys in between my fingers to use as a weapon and 2. meet men on first dates in public places. the 1st i haven't done in years. I honestly don't remember the last time I did it. as for the 2. well, i don't date anymore. but when i used to i would put dating profile time, "real" name, phone number, and meeting place into my gcal so if i went missing, my friends could look up who i last went on a date with.
these lists make me wonder if 1. there's something wrong with me or 2. people (in this case, specifically women) aren't too scared. i too have been sexually assaulted. i suppose that it wasn't a violent thing by a stranger means i don't have an increased fear of random men. but i don't seem to have much of a fear of them at all?
i remember once saying to r that i don't know the last time i was scared of a person. i'm scared of all kinds of stuff, bugs especially. i also startle easily, and am not particularly brave, yet, most people seem harmless to me. i wonder why that is, and if i'll end up regretting not having that fear.
"I draw a line down the middle of a chalkboard, sketching a male symbol on one side and a female symbol on the other.
Then I ask just the men: What steps do you guys take, on a daily basis, to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted? At first there is a kind of awkward silence as the men try to figure out if they've been asked a trick question. The silence gives way to a smattering of nervous laughter. Occasionally, a young a guy will raise his hand and say, 'I stay out of prison.' This is typically followed by another moment of laughter, before someone finally raises his hand and soberly states, 'Nothing. I don't think about it.'
Then I ask the women the same question. What steps do you take on a daily basis to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted? Women throughout the audience immediately start raising their hands. As the men sit in stunned silence, the women recount safety precautions they take as part of their daily routine. Hold my keys as a potential weapon. Look in the back seat of the car before getting in. Carry a cell phone. Don't go jogging at night. Lock all the windows when I sleep, even on hot summer nights. Be careful not to drink too much. Don't put my drink down and come back to it; make sure I see it being poured. Own a big dog. Carry Mace or pepper spray. Have an unlisted phone number. Have a man's voice on my answering machine. Park in well-lit areas. Don't use parking garages. Don't get on elevators with only one man, or with a group of men. Vary my route home from work. Watch what I wear. Don't use highway rest areas. Use a home alarm system. Don't wear headphones when jogging. Avoid forests or wooded areas, even in the daytime. Don't take a first-floor apartment. Go out in groups. Own a firearm. Meet men on first dates in public places. Make sure to have a car or cab fare. Don't make eye contact with men on the street. Make assertive eye contact with men on the street.”
― Jackson Katz, The Macho Paradox: Why Some Men Hurt Women and How All Men Can Help (The first man to minor in women's studies at the University of Massachusetts-Amherst, holds a master's degree from the Harvard Graduate School of Education, and a Ph.D. in cultural studies and education from UCLA.)
i read this and related to the women, but, strangely, also very much to the men. honestly, i don't normally think about my physical safety, even when i travel alone.
from the above list, i only do two. 1. hold my keys in between my fingers to use as a weapon and 2. meet men on first dates in public places. the 1st i haven't done in years. I honestly don't remember the last time I did it. as for the 2. well, i don't date anymore. but when i used to i would put dating profile time, "real" name, phone number, and meeting place into my gcal so if i went missing, my friends could look up who i last went on a date with.
these lists make me wonder if 1. there's something wrong with me or 2. people (in this case, specifically women) aren't too scared. i too have been sexually assaulted. i suppose that it wasn't a violent thing by a stranger means i don't have an increased fear of random men. but i don't seem to have much of a fear of them at all?
i remember once saying to r that i don't know the last time i was scared of a person. i'm scared of all kinds of stuff, bugs especially. i also startle easily, and am not particularly brave, yet, most people seem harmless to me. i wonder why that is, and if i'll end up regretting not having that fear.
Wednesday, March 6, 2019
lorena
we watched the lorena bobbitt documentary on prime and it was... thought provoking. i'm not going to go too much into it because i don't have super strong opinions about it but:
- you come away from the documentary thinking that john is a real dumbass and most likely a real piece of shit person too. there are multiple allegations of abuse from several different women, a couple of which are really horrific. he completely denies everything and implies that the newer women are accusing him because he has a bad rep already. his testimony changes between trials, he's tried to capitalize off his mutilation (selling punny merch, porn, penis enlargement surgery, working at the bunny ranch...), and he writes these long creepy letters / fb messages / texts to lorena still. like, what the fuck. he's not a sympathetic character.
- you feel the opposite about lorena. her soft spoken-ness makes you want to believe her. and up thru today, she still works with domestic abuse groups. it's not like she's a perfect person without missteps, but you are made to feel that she's a good person. ...of course, the documentary is titled Lorena so it would likely either it would idolize or villainize her.
- women and men really did respond to the incident differently. men seemed to focus on the act of mutilation, while women were more interested in motive of it.
- i liked that they focused on domestic abuse. this trial is just ONE story from comes from millions of untold stories. that being said, i do wish they had kept it more gender neutral. PLENTY of women abuse their partners; not just men hurting women.
- you come away from the documentary thinking that john is a real dumbass and most likely a real piece of shit person too. there are multiple allegations of abuse from several different women, a couple of which are really horrific. he completely denies everything and implies that the newer women are accusing him because he has a bad rep already. his testimony changes between trials, he's tried to capitalize off his mutilation (selling punny merch, porn, penis enlargement surgery, working at the bunny ranch...), and he writes these long creepy letters / fb messages / texts to lorena still. like, what the fuck. he's not a sympathetic character.
- you feel the opposite about lorena. her soft spoken-ness makes you want to believe her. and up thru today, she still works with domestic abuse groups. it's not like she's a perfect person without missteps, but you are made to feel that she's a good person. ...of course, the documentary is titled Lorena so it would likely either it would idolize or villainize her.
- women and men really did respond to the incident differently. men seemed to focus on the act of mutilation, while women were more interested in motive of it.
- i liked that they focused on domestic abuse. this trial is just ONE story from comes from millions of untold stories. that being said, i do wish they had kept it more gender neutral. PLENTY of women abuse their partners; not just men hurting women.
Thursday, February 7, 2019
blackface
from my skimm this morning:
1. is there / should there be a statute of limitations?
2. does age matter? someone wearing blackface as a child is different than as a college student or a fully formed adult.
3. is there an alternative to forcing someone out of office? can we make this a "teachable moment" rather than a public flogging? I mean, we can do the shaming thing too, but can we add another "moral of the story" rather than simply "don't ever do anything racist."
4. (and here i'm going to get a lot more controversial) is there ever acceptable blackface?
I see a difference between wearing blackface as a random black man standing next to a KKK member, and doing it as a Michael Jackson impersonator. in the latter, you're dressing up because you like Michael Jackson. you respect him as an artist. you're not necessarily playing up any racial stereotypes, you just want to look more like Michael. in the former, you are just plain being offensive.
I get that invoking historical racial stereotypes is bad. but let's say I wanted to dress up as actress lucy liu. her eyes are just a little bit smaller than mine. let's imagine that I taped mine back a bit to look more like her. is that racist? do I get a pass because i'm Chinese and she's Chinese too? on the other hand, if I taped my eyes back to look more Renee Zellweger, I imagine people would be less upset. she is white after all.
but, like, is it just POC who can get away with being racist? people do say that. but is it actually true? or, when coming from a POC, is it somehow not racist anymore? can I make fun of Chinese people only or all Asians? maybe only east Asians?
Gov. Ralph Northam…Last week, a photo in his 1984 med school yearbook surfaced where one person was in blackface and the other was in a Ku Klux Klan outfit. First, he apologized for it. Then, he backtracked, saying 'it wasn't me.' And said, 'well, I did dress up as Michael Jackson once.' He's refusing to resign even though people in his party are telling him to.
Lt. Gov. Justin Fairfax…Next in line to become governor. He came under fire after a woman accused him of forcing her to perform oral sex on him in 2004. Fairfax denies the allegations and says it was consensual.
Attorney General Mark Herring…If both Northam and Fairfax resign, he'd be next in line to become governor. Yesterday, he admitted to wearing blackface and a wig to dress up as rapper Kurtis Blow when he was in college in 1980. His admission came after rumors circulated that there was a blackface photo of him floating around.
i have a lot of questions about this. (i'm focusing on the blackface stuff, not the fairfax sexual assault):1. is there / should there be a statute of limitations?
2. does age matter? someone wearing blackface as a child is different than as a college student or a fully formed adult.
3. is there an alternative to forcing someone out of office? can we make this a "teachable moment" rather than a public flogging? I mean, we can do the shaming thing too, but can we add another "moral of the story" rather than simply "don't ever do anything racist."
4. (and here i'm going to get a lot more controversial) is there ever acceptable blackface?
I see a difference between wearing blackface as a random black man standing next to a KKK member, and doing it as a Michael Jackson impersonator. in the latter, you're dressing up because you like Michael Jackson. you respect him as an artist. you're not necessarily playing up any racial stereotypes, you just want to look more like Michael. in the former, you are just plain being offensive.
I get that invoking historical racial stereotypes is bad. but let's say I wanted to dress up as actress lucy liu. her eyes are just a little bit smaller than mine. let's imagine that I taped mine back a bit to look more like her. is that racist? do I get a pass because i'm Chinese and she's Chinese too? on the other hand, if I taped my eyes back to look more Renee Zellweger, I imagine people would be less upset. she is white after all.
but, like, is it just POC who can get away with being racist? people do say that. but is it actually true? or, when coming from a POC, is it somehow not racist anymore? can I make fun of Chinese people only or all Asians? maybe only east Asians?
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