sex work

t and i recently talked about porn and sex work. t referenced it and said how she and I agreed that porn was not good and sex work should not be allowed. i corrected her. I don't think porn is bad. some porn, sure, but not all porn. porn can have negative impacts, but then, can't everything? 

I used to be against porn and sex work in general. I thought it was anti-feminist. we've always been able to use our bodies for money, how does this advance our rights? but you know what? it does. feminism gives you the power to do what you want. and if that's sex work, cool. there's certainly a market for it. and if that's something you like to do or are good at, why not make money doing it? plus, I think if it were legal, sex workers would have more rights. you might not need to hire a pimp to keep you safe, because you can call the cops cause you're doing legal work. you can form a union and maybe get pooled medical benefits, special pay by the hour hotels that are especially sanitized. you can write off condoms and lube and all sorts of stuff on your taxes. and you can likely charge more because there will be a more clear industry standard. in general, anyone participating in the sex industry, including customers, will be safer if it's legalized. and that's a good thing. 

also, maybe more importantly, there's nothing inherently "wrong" about sex. (t, being religious, believes that sex is sacred and should be saved for marriage and i dunno, possibly only for procreation?) biologically, sex is good for you. it helps you relieve stress, gives you a rush of good hormones, and let's face it, we orgasm for a reason! there's no reason ejaculation has to come with an orgasm, but it does! and women, who generally don't ejaculate, orgasm too! we're one of the few animals that has sex for fun. i imagine it's cause sex doesn't feel great for most animals. hell some species have developed barbed penises and corkscrew vaginas so to either make sure the sex happens, or that it doesn't. humans, on the other hand, have orgasms. especially women who can have multiple in a session. 

personally tho, i am a little squeemish about sex work. I wouldn't want my daughter doing it. and I can only imagine doing it if i were desperate for money. even then, I'd prefer to do cam work, or something more "anonymous". but i think that has much more to do with social stigmas, my conservative upbringing, and america's puritanical views on sex (breastfeeding is somehow sexual?), than with any actual adult reasoning.

october 2020 donation

this month I chose Dress for Success Miami because one of my best friends works there as their COO! very fancy, yes.

it's interesting because I've been thinking about my next year's donation drive. and, probably because I've been thinking about Dress for Success, I thought to donate nice professional clothing for interviews. Dress for Success's closest office to me is in DTLA, so I thought a similar nonprofit in Long Beach would be better since DfS only takes women's clothes. plus, I don't have a lot of storage space here before I can make a drop off so having a closer location will help in that I can do multiple drop offs. in doing some research I found Clothes the Deal, which sounded perfect!

of course I looked up them up on a few charity rating websites and saw that on Charity Navigator they have a 50 out of 100. ... that's no good. especially because they're only rated for finance and accountability. they're not yet rated on impact and results, leadership and adaptability, or culture and community (their budget is too small to have gotten an in-depth rating). but they even have poor ratings on yelp! eek. anyway, so I'm NOT donating to them next year.

I think I may probably just "cheat" and do the menstrual products drive in conjunction with work. julie of BYO already approved it for 2020 but we didn't find a receiving organization in time, cause I had wanted to tie it in with women's month (march) and incorporate a discount on buying a plastic-smart menstrual product at the store. she reached out to one org, I reached out to four, and only heard back from one (WomenShelter of Long Beach) ...not great. but they had someone do a drive for them earlier so they were full up. hopefully next year tho, we can try again. 

minimum wage

The Guardian - How much is an hour worth? The war over the minimum wage
and for a little background info about the minimum wage from the US department of labor

i quickly googled it, but didn't find it easily so my main questions remains: how is minimum wage determined anyway? and how did they arrive at the $15 an hour for the new minimum wage?

the Guardian article keeps referring to economic studies and theories, but is that the only field of study that matters in the fight for or against a minimum wage? I feel like we should also be consulting psychologists and sociologists, and more. certainly the economy affects everyone, but in what feels like a very indirect way. it'll be harder to find a job, or you'll get a bigger year-end bonus, but generally things are pretty stable, even prices of apartments and milk. 

what does a living wage mean to people? what to they spend their extra money on? are there fewer deaths somehow (since people can now afford preventative health care rather than "I'm literally on my deathbed where's the nearest hospital" kind of care) is there less crime? more college graduates? more babies being born?

there's a widely quoted factoid: "When affordable is defined as comprising up to 30% of a renter’s budget, a full-time worker earning the federal minimum wage [$7.25 per hour] cannot afford rent on the average two-bedroom apartment anywhere in the country." not sure why they went with two bedrooms. maybe cause many people have dependents? I think a one-bedroom apartment might be a more realistic expectation. all the couples I know share a one bed-room,  unless they have roommates in the another bedroom. the singles are either in studios, or also have roommates. only those that are in their 40s are living alone, without roommates, in their one bedrooms. 

I think there should be a federal minimum wage, and, likely a higher one for most states. it should be determined based on a number of factors like average price of a one bedroom apartment, cost of gallon of gas, and maybe cost of a dozen eggs. cost of living, basically, which is why each state would have it's own minimum wage. it's true that cost of living can vary wildly across each state, but I think it maybe too much to do city minimums. possibly counties might be better. 

the measure

Ravi Patel (of Meet the Patels) has a new show called Ravi Patel's Pursuit of Happiness. it's a travel show where he tackles different theme each episode rather than a new destination. 

in one, he focuses on work-life balance. he goes to south korea with an equally workaholic friend and there they "die," give their own last words, and go to their own funeral. in ravi's self-eulogy he says that he read of a "Buddhist philosopher who said, the measure of one's happiness in life is the extent to which, by the time he's passed, he's contributed to evolution."

I often think that the point of participating in anything is to make it better. people should feel like you've made their life better for having been friends with them. your work should be better for having employed you. your team better for having you on it. your club for having you in it. this betterment can be big or small. you can bring in huge profits to your company, or you can be a pleasant co-worker that everyone likes to have around. you can be team leader or club president, or you can always bring a main course and extra napkins and utensils to potlucks. holding doors open, letting people in front of you in line, getting off the phone for the cashier, saying please and thank you to everyone. these small things count. 

most of us won't have a big effect on the world, and that's okay. but I would hate for anyone to actually think the world would be better place were I dead. hell, I wouldn't even want someone to think their day would be better were I not to exist. we're here, so let's make the best of it. 

I choose this

This Is How To Have An Amazing Relationship: 7 Secrets From Research

when I am struggling in my relationship, I tell myself "I choose this" and I try to let go of what is bothering me. "I choose this" means "I am choosing to be in this relationship because I think it will make me happier than if I do not." it usually makes me realize that what I'm stressing about is small and temporary. sometimes it doesn't.

a few months ago I was going thru a hard time. I had actually thought out ways to leave. not for good, but for a while. where I would go, who I could stay with. what I would say, or if I would just leave. me being me, I thought I would pack, write a note, and leave when he wasn't home. notice that I say "I thought" not "I planned." it wasn't so bad that I had actually planned anything, but I knew that thinking about escape routes meant that things were bad.

instead, we actually talked about it. I'm sure he noticed something and brought it up, as he does. and I told him, as I'm getting better at that. I hold him about my choosing to be with him, and I could choose not to be. that I did not leave my overly-critical mother's house only to get into a relationship with an over-critical boyfriend. he understood. he knows that it's not a good trait, but it's something his mom does also, and he learned from that. I think t and I have talked about this hyper-criticalness in our mothers so often, and have just as often promised each other not to do it, that I am extra aware of it in others, and extra motivated to avoid it.

I said that "I would rather leave you, than change you." it's not that I wouldn't want him to change, but it has to come from within himself, not because I asked him to, or gave an ultimatum. I want you to change because it's an objectively good thing, not because I have quirks that I want you to work around. relationships are about compromise, but you shouldn't have to become a worse person to be with me. we should build each other up, and become better people for being together, in being together.