a must read. seriously. it's hilarious! Men and Women Can't Be "Just Friends"
"...men’s estimates of how attractive they were to their female friends had virtually nothing to do with how these women actually felt, and almost everything to do with how the men themselves felt... men consistently overestimated the level of attraction felt by their female friends and women consistently underestimated the level of attraction felt by their male friends." i can't tell you how true this rings to me. haHA! rip thinks almost every girl likes him that way. even my friends. friends with whom i have confirmed that they have never liked him at all. he thinks they're lying. it's madness! i almost never think it anymore. maybe i'm too self-absorbed to notice the "signals"? and when the occasional guy does express attraction, i'm always like "what?! where did this come from?"
"Although men were equally as likely to desire “romantic dates” with “taken” friends as with single ones, women were sensitive to their male friends’ relationship status and uninterested in pursuing those who were already involved with someone else." this one is really interesting. i've had a couple guys tell me that they would "wait for me" or something nutty like that. i've never felt even vaguely inclined to say that to someone. i've never even thought it. he's taken. i'm moving on. duh.
"These results suggest that men, relative to women, have a particularly hard time being “just friends.”" which is why rip pretty much hates every new guy friend i make because he thinks they're all attracted to me. and i am always shocked when they actually are! and also why i've always been right about those couple girl friends of his i was worried about. though apparently i should have been worried about all of them!
"Males were significantly more likely than females to list romantic attraction as a benefit of opposite-sex friendships." not sure what to think about this one. probably because i wouldn't list it as a benefit, lol. we are our stereotypes!!
3 comments:
a friend recently posted on fb:
"You might not agree with my logic but hear me out.
"When I meet someone that I'm interested in, they tend to already be attached. Usually when I learn that, I'll just keep my interest to myself. I'm starting to think that's stupid of me to do.
"There's no real reason to not let someone know I'm interested. Why should I be unilaterally restricting myself when it's totally possible that they might appreciate the choice? At the very least, if they're not entirely happy with their current significant other, that there's a seed planted in case they decide to move on. After all, if their relationship is strong, it shouldn't be affected, but if not, at least they know I'm available.
"Of course there's still boundaries I won't cross. Married or engaged are off limits, but now my potential dating pool isn't quite as restricted, at least until they say they're not interested, at which I'll not ever mention it again..."
this friend, of course, is a guy. ha!
It would be an interesting datapoint if the study found that knowing a man was interested would cause the woman to feel more attracted to him. Because if that weren't true, your friend's chances are neither hurt nor improved by telling girls he's interested.
i'm sure some women might take his interest as an excuse to get out of their not-so-great relationship. for the rest of us, it's just kind of creepy and disrespectful. tho i do totally get why he does it.
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