i feel like our positions have switched. wat wit the trying, disappointments, selfishness, and sleep. it's weird... you don't always decide on things, and yet they happen. and yeah, you have full control, esp to change thing back. but lately i've been feeling pretty apathetic towards stuff, so i haven't been putting much of an effort into our relationship. and i kno, that's bad. but when, for so long, it feels like you're the only one really trying, you get tired. but wouldn't you kno, reepal has seemed to really step up. and just as i'm stepping down!
i kno wat i should do. do as i used to. and i'll be so happy. because this is exactly wat i've been wanting and asking for. but sometimes when things finally start to go your way (and for no obvious reason), you're more confused than you are pleased. and so instead of being happy, you step back and try to examine the changes, which only makes things worse. cause then your person gets confused, 'i thought this was wat you wanted?' and since it's easier to not try than to try, they revert. and mostly likely, just as you're getting used to the idea and starting to get back to your old self.
and if you're really messed up (like i am), since you already 'kno' they're gonna revert, you're just waiting for it. and also waiting for your apathy to go away by itself, rather than to force it away, even tho that would be the better choice. why do we do this? is it that we want to be unhappy? i do self-sabotage a lot... this has really got to change...
1 comment:
i understand. sometimes its easier to be mad, or distance yourself, sometimes you want it.
and sometimes you just think too dang much.
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