we didn't see each other today. he didn't go to work. got his message when i was in the bookstore. called back and had this stilted conversation. 'the eternal silence of these infinite spaces filles me wit dread' - blaise pascal. he was nice enough tho. we both were. trying hard to ignore the jagged edges between us. he asked wat i had done that day and why i was in the bookstore. holding his hand out. but it wasn't enough, i guess, to stretch across the breaks. we hung up awkwardly. i came home to find yuko watching the notebook. considered going to the arc for a swim. there is nothing so satisfying as crying while swimming. unable to feel the tears slide away from you. it's a great relief to be able to cry in front of others witout them even knowing. the release is entirely yours, witout burdening anyone else. but, alas, i hadn't my swimsuit.
'this sad exchange pleased neither one of us' 'so we finally gave up' 'now both of us know'
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