mood: depressed and exhausted
as you may kno. this weekend has been exhuasting. i am... severely unsteady right now and am unable to do anything. and yet there is so much that needs to be done. ...if anything i just want to curl up and die. just... leave everything and everyone behind. ...i wish i could just stop thinking. stop all these thoughts crashing in my mind and have only nothing. i wish to fill myself wit emptyness. right now i feel that only this will soothe me and take me away from the exhaustion known as life. chang was complaining that she wished she could just feel for someone. i wish the opposite. it is only when you care that you are hurt. and if is only when you care that you are never free. whether from pressure, sadness, disapointment, or loss. maugham said that the "tragedy of love is indifference." and while it maybe be so of love, one can hardly say it is the same of happiness. god save me from the unbearable heaviness of being.
'he that pushes me along, and leaves me so desperate and ravenous, so weak and powerless, promised i would find a little solace and some peace of mind.' so 'little angel, go away, come again some other day; the devil has my ear today, i'll never hear a word you say;' for i am 'tilling my own grave to keep me level,' 'digging to the rhythm and the echo of a solitary siren'
No comments:
Post a Comment