ebay this!

so. i'm in love. wit reepal, you say, well duh. but no. besides him. you remember that ring he got me last year for my bday? for reference, it looks like this. but of course, he didn't get it that easily, just buying it off ebay. but you kno the story. anyway. so as you may also kno, i'm a great big ebay fan. and i found this matching bracelet the other day and was supremely sad that it got sold. but now it's back! and yeah. i'm not gonna buy it. it's way too expensive for me but look! who even knew they had a matching bracelet. and earrings too! incredible! i mean... when i was at coach a few years ago i didn't even notice the rest of the set. i think it's cause rings are really my thing and cuff bracelet's never fit me anyway. but look! isn't it incredible? i mean seriously i kno people are all crazy over tiffany sets but, everyone has a tiffany set. and look at the intricate detail this coach set has! incredible. i'm in love! hehe! :)

pointing fingers

for those of you kno me, you should also kno that i don't like people touching me. nor, naturally, do i like touching others. but for those of you who are all touchy feeling and love getting hugs, read this article and maybe you'll change your mind, unless you like getting robbed. in other news, a woman found a finger in her chili at wendy's. so for those of you who like chili, now is a good time to stop. i'm glad tho, that she won't get sick from practically eating someone else's finger, it was after all, cooked. lucky her. and for those of you who have ever wanted to produce or make your own music video, watch this one for tips: cillit bang remix. the first one, e-sure remix, isn't so bad either but the song isn't as catchy. and for the others who don't like pda, chili, or music, go play tennis.

magic 8 ball

this isn't working. it really isn't. i am always mad. and yeah, i am generally an angry person anway. but ii'm more the type to flare up at strangers and not actual people. well, used to be anyway. these days i am constantly pissed at reepal. i am rude, sarcastic, biting, and just in general an all around asshole. it's terrible. and i hate it. i dunno how to stop tho. i do normally usually think mean thoughts. but have almost always been able to hold them in. these days i just spew it forth. and for a second or two i'm upset wit myself for losing control, but then the anger takes over and i no longer care. about anything. about him. or about us. i just want to hurt somebody. and wouldn't you kno, but since he's there, i hurt him. well, i don't kno if i actually do. but i say mean things. not hateful tho. i have at least that much control. but the only way these days to not just blow my top is to hang up on him. and damnit, i hate hanging up on people. it's rude. i don't kno... the thought of breaking up has crossed my mind more than just a few times this last week. i kno that it isn't wat i want tho. i keep telling myself that i'm just angry. and so i'm lashing out. but... i dunno... i hate this. i really do. and today. he said something. and it just really sucked. i don't even kno how to act around him anymore. if i'm his version of me then i'm faking it. but if i'm actually me, then he thinks i'm faking it. but which is worse? i kno i'm not just angry. but i don't really kno all of wat else. i wish there was some thing like a litmus or ph test (wait, wat is a litmus test?) that told you exactly how you were feeling. like a mood ring that not only said that you were angry but also that you were feeling resentful, hurt, inconsolable, inferior, and watever else... better yet would be if that ring could tell you just how to fix it. i'm okay wit just being angry. i'm used to that. but... throw in everything else, especially inferior and... i'm sad too. i feel like... everything is slipping away. and that i'm being replaced. which, i dunno. he says this feeling isn't justifiied. but... then why do i feel it so strongly?

'it feels like i’ve left with less than i began' 'i only feel you when i’m breathing, so let me die tonight' 'while i call your name out' 'knowing this won?t be the last time that i feel this way' / 'i can?t stand here forever, but it?s too hard to sit down on this ground where you?ve laid your only word' / 'a blinded castle keeps on feeling the strong and silent fight'

pocky!

jesus pleasus these pocky commercials are weird! esp the last one, hilarious, the expression on her face during 'po' of pocky. i never really much liked the stuff before, but after seeing these commericals, how can one not!? the guy versions are not as funny. the first one really isn't too good, actually. but the second one kind of is, if you imagine that guy as usher doing a performance during the grammys. lol, he's so exagerated. and the music! oh man! 'you're my ba-bay.... ai ai ai ai!!' dude, i need this song... can anyone rip it for me? anyway, hope you got enough of that sexy sexy pocky, cause you're getting no sex tonight (stolen from reep)! oh and while you're at it, here's why britney spears hates hdtv.

a/sym-pathetic

wat does it mean when someone says they're sorry? does it simply mean that they feel bad about wat they did? or should it mean more? that, hopefully, they won't do it again? the latter, right? when someone apologizes for doing something when they have the intention of doing the same damn thing again, their being sorry doesn't mean a damn thing. and wat's more, maybe they shouldn't be apologizing in the first place. but dictionary.com defines sorry as 'feeling or expressing sympathy, pity, or regret'. which really says nothing about not repeating your actions. but regret is defined as 'a feeling of disappointment or distress about something that one wishes could be different'. ah ha! so when one says that they're sorry for something that they could have prevented and yet still intends on doing it again, then they are being insincere. cause if they wish for something to be different, and it is in their power to make it different, then they have to obligation to do so. or do they? oh the intricacies of language. an apology really should mean more tho. it's so empty otherwise. why bother to apologize if you don't intend to remedy the situation? why say sorry if you plan to simply aggravate it? i'd prefer to not get that empty gesture. i'd prefer to not to think that you care enough that you hurt me, but not enough to not hurt me. cause damnit, i pity the fool who is burdened wit false apologies and false love.

'maybe you'll be sorry' 'you came real close' 'but every time you built me up you only let me down' / 'but almost doesn’t count'

lamo shamo

okay. because i have an infinite amount of time to study for my finals (uh wat?) here are a few interesting (well, to me, anyway) about religion and gods and all that good stuff. god-u-like is a funny site that 'explains' many of the different religions. it's funny, really. and simply because i find this interesting (i am currently compiling a list of egyptian gods and goddesses. why? for fun. that's right, for fun. no tekken for me!) here's a site of gods and goddess from a buncha different cultures. okay, yeah sure... tonight's post was a little lame so here's a decently funny story of a banana flasher. okay, back to studying... bleh.

love is never enough

how do you help someone see something? you're not to simply tell them, you want them to build critical thinking skills and the like. 'i just... i feel like... you may kno wat you don't want to happen. but you aren't doing anything to prevent anything. and that you're making the same mistakes. but this time wit your eyes open.' do you wait for them to make the same mistakes again? or, optimistically, do you wait for them to make new ones? or should you just cut your losses and leave? if you can feel a hearbreak coming on, should you hold on? i think most people would say no. but wat if either path leads to heartbreak? okay, i kno, i'm sounding very fatalistic here. it's really not as if i kno for sure that mistakes will be made. i am assuming. and you kno wat they say about assuming things (no? well, it makes an ass out of you and me: ass-u-me). but. i can feel a break coming on. when he tells you that he's 'with you for a lot more than one trip' and then says that the decision he is making has nothing to do wit us? even tho our relationship is being shaken but that very same decision? if you were to wait for a mistake to be made, because you're optimistic or too weak or watever. how would you kno if you had waited too long? how would you kno that you must, right then, end it? would you? or would you keep holding on? clawing at the dirt and drowning. drowning yourself.

'i wonder what are we fighting for?' / 'i’m only pretty sure i can’t take anymore' /  ‘i wanna get out of this’ / 'i wonder is there if there’s anything i’m gonna miss' / 'how’s it gonna be when i’ve found out there was nothing between you and me because you don’t care' 'and how’s it gonna be when i don’t know you anymore'

'how’s it gonna be?'

good deeds

aw... even tho christmas is still a long ways away, everyone is being extra generous this year: licking bleeding booboos, donating extra two kidneys, having sex wit dogs, and the one that tops it all, the woman who killed herself so her blind kids could get her eyes. and serioulsy, i don't kno if i could ever love anyone that much... that i would kill myself so that they could maybe get my eyes. i don't even think i could ever love anyone so much as to kill myself so they could definitly get my eyes... but anyway... on a more comical note, if you thought the kkk had obnoxious hats, go check out these spanish guys, those things are like five feet tall! and to end on a happy note, a tiny dog eats a tiny chick. wait. no. not eat, i meant, adopts. that's right. adopts, as if that's any less strange. oh, and while you're thinking about that, here's another reason why you shouldn't listen to techNO, you end up looking like this.

easter is coming

you kno, it's difficult to find a string of articles that are in relation to each other. i am constantly finding and saving things, intending them for future use. but random articles are constantly expiring and damnit, i forget about others. anyway. enough bitching, let's get onto the bunnies. now, toby's story is from earlier this month, but damnit i stopped bitching, so you will too. anyway. seems this guy found a rabbit and then tried extorting the general public for money. and it looks like he's made almost $20,000 off the deal. pretty effing smart if you ask me. and i also gotta give props to godaddy (webhost?) for not taking down the site cause damnit, that'd not be cool (dude... cut me some slack. i've been studying all day so no, i'm not going to give some freaking eloquent reason why free speech is good, figure it out yourself [geez i'm in a badish mood]). and further down the road of hilarity is porsche's golf cart and how everyone wants a peice of action wit lucy lius eggs.

selfish

i've am multi-talented:
1. depressing myself
2. fucking things up
and 3. being callous
but i wish i could add '4. not giving a shit' to my list. sometimes it's really easy to turn off. but sometimes it's a lot harder. it's hard, too, when you can see someone about to fuck up, and being useless to stop it. or in this case, being careless in preventing it. 'it sounds like a test.' well, do you think you passed? you already kno wat i want. but i give you the choice. i will not ask it of you. do not try and make me. you have already made up your mind. i already kno wat you will do. and i will let you do it.  why do i so passively wait for you to hurt me? it makes me stronger, that's why. sometimes i give in to you. give into 'wanting the pain to stop.' but simply because i do not rub salt into the wound, does not mean that i have none. i am not lacking in salt. nor am i in injuries. they say that a good way to heal is to keep the wound clean, dry and airy. so you need not offer your alms to me. i do not need your bandages. i can do this on my own. i will bide my time. i will gather my strength. and i will heal. without you.

'i see your fantasy' 'i see you’re full of shit, and that's alright, that's how you play'

'i won't give everything away' no, i won't give anything away

life imitates

have you ever noticed just how easy it is to make yourself sad? and how hard it is to ask to hear the truth you're pretty sure you don't want to hear? so the last couple days i've already watched eight episodes of felicity. on one hand, i want to watch them all in one sitting. but on the other hand, i want to ration the few episodes i have left. at any rate. today i left off wit the ones after ben finds out that felicity cheated on him. (btw, 1. how could she!! and 2. how could she wit noel?! bleh... i never really liked him...) but anyway. i wanted to share a few quotes wit you.

ben and felicity finally meet. she tries to explain things. he can't take it so he walks out. she runs after him and calls out 'i love you' in this voice of finality. as if it were some sort of solution, not an apology or a cry of help. ben says "I’m really starting to hate that word. The way people use it… like you just say it and it makes everything better. Like you just say it and everything goes away." and while i do understand why she needs to tell him, it really doesn't solve anything. it's just there. and you kno wat? if you really loved someone, could you really hurt them? i really feel that... after messing up, telling someone that you love them, is worse. your mistake is a stab in the back. but you saying 'i love you' as if to make things better, is a slap in the face.

ben tells sean later that: "I want to forgive her. But I don’t know; I don’t know how." and that's so right. it's not easy, to forgive someone. there are many things i'd love to forgive and forget, but i can't. i am unable, not unwilling, to let go.

and i'll just leave you wit this one to think out yourself: later ben says to felicity that "When somebody hurts you, you want to hurt them back. But then I look at you, and no matter how mad I am, I want the hurting to stop."

something for everyone

you kno wat the best thing about popcorn is? the aftersmell. it reminds you of the tasty snack you just had. but sadly enough, it's also the worst thing about popcorn, reminds you of the tasty snack you're no longer eating. and it really sucks too, cause that buttery smell just don't go away! so anyway, i actually have two games for you tonight. one is kind of like the ones last night, the clicky kind. it's sorta easy and only has two levels but is very cute. and i also have the revamped ball game, which altho not difficult, is really not as easy as it seems. and for those of you who don't like games: 1. go to hell and 2. check out this zippo camera and the cool pictures it took (no retouching!). and for those of you who don't like games or pictures, good god i hope you like simpsons, cause it's the last thing i'm posting tonight: a listing of bart's chalkboard sayings.

riddle me this

so i never did finish notpron. i don't have a printer so was pretty much unable to do level 72 and now a month has already passed. really ought to just finish the thing... only 8 levels left anyway. i dunno. once you stop, the urgency to finish does too. at any rate. here are two relatively easy riddle game things. not terrible easy in themselves, but when compared to notpron... oh man, even you can do them. reep and i managed to do both in less than an hour and a half. prison game: get practice in breaking out of prison! btw, the clowns are the end of the game. don't be stupid like me and replay the whole thing cause you thought you died or something... and once you've mastered that one, move onto the doors and beware of the scary music! altho, if you've tried notpron, this is like the soundtrack to a game of candyland (remember that game?) played in the land of hapytime. and if you're too stupid or lazy to try those, go read about the fancy new doors of the 350z, they're made from lsd!

bliss

so as you may kno, reep did not do anything for me for christmas, vday or my bday. and yes, i did do something for him. and for his bday i actually have a bit of a suprise planned. it's not a big deal but i've put quite a bit of effort into it. but anyway. i've not really wanted to complain cause i've not wanted to sound superficial, but there really are only five 'romantic' holidays in a year (new years, vday, bday, christmas, and anniversary). we did new years together (altho it kind of sucked) wit my friends. and we don't do our anniversary. so that only leaves three left. of which he didn't do anything. bleh. anyway. but today he randomly showed up at school, which was a super surprise. i couldn't stop smiling; my cheeks were hurting! and then he gave me felicity season four dvds! and then later on we went to vie de france at south coast for dinner. and since he's left i've already watched the first four episodes. fabulous! to make things even better, reep liked the korn - issues cd i got him and better still, angel got into syracuse!!

'baby boy you stay on my mind, fulfill my fantasies' 'i think about you all the time, i see you in my dreams'
'my baby's fly'

sisterly love

well well, it's that time again. for tonight's reading pleasure i give you the saga of the two idiot sisters. so appt sister1 told sister2's boif that she was cheating on him. sister2 got pissed and stole sister1's diary and sold it online. then in retaliation, sister1 stole sister2's love letters and is now trying to sell those on ebay as well. f*cking idiots. why don't you guys actually get back and just post those damn things all over school? tell the people you sister wrote bad things about wat she said. and go steal your sister's boif. or if you're the straighter-edged sister, tell your rents of all the stupid things your sister has done. or if you really want to get nasty about it. tell her everyday she looks fat (better also if you can get those ex-friends to tell her she's fat too) and eventually she should develope a serious eating conditions. and if things go well enough for you, maybe she'll actually die and you'll never have to deal wit her again. or, better yet, f*cking grow up already. oh. and while your at it, get yourself an i-no.

tired ire

remember that link i put up a while ago about loonatics, the new bugs bunny show? well guess wat? i found the first episode (warning, lots of cussing. cause, duh, it's not the real first episode. hilarious tho.)! anyway. i'm really tired. so imma just post this last link witout an intro: gun shop proprieter forgets bullet and shoots self in head. goodnight everybody.

ready for mensa

so maybe the world has been listening to my critisicm on it being filled to the brim wit stupid people, but lately i've really only been finding things on how smart everything is becoming. case in point, the vacuum that can order its own parts. incredible, no? and how would you feel about paying for your purchases by only lifting a finger (btw, same fingerprint is one in 220 million? i always thought it was impossible to have the same fingerprint as someone else?)? okay tho, i kno that those aren't really incredible people (altho people did design those things) so how about the man who operated on himself almost flawlessly (poorly written article tho. was is the guy's profession? is he a trained surgeon? could be!)? hm. still not impressed huh? then after you read about the man who lives on even tho his heart is no longer beating, go jump on the bandwagon and buy yourself a $26 peice of red string. so is the power of the red string that people will no longer give you the evil eye. but probably only cause they're too busy stealing your wallet, you damn money-wasting idiot.

i spy...

have you ever read aim's terms of service contract thing? content you post: "Although you or the owner of the Content retain ownership of all right, title and interest in Content that you post to any AIM Product, AOL owns all right, title and interest in any compilation, collective work or other derivative work created by AOL using or incorporating this Content. In addition, by posting Content on an AIM Product, you grant AOL, its parent, affiliates, subsidiaries, assigns, agents and licensees the irrevocable, perpetual, worldwide right to reproduce, display, perform, distribute, adapt and promote this Content in any medium. You waive any right to privacy. You waive any right to inspect or approve uses of the Content or to be compensated for any such uses." hm... so appt aim can moniter, store, inspect all of our im conversations. so for those of you who are using aim to trade mp3s, terrorist plans, or child porn, you better watch out. bleh.

thinkage

well holy moly! after just yelling at you this last past weekend about how i don't update on weekends here i am, on a weekend, updating! i am full of surprises! anyway. tonight's post will be only of one link. but it's a really powerful one so i really want you to think about it. start the bottem and work your way up and think about wat secret you would send: postsecret

true love!

here's a funny bunny and cat cartoon that reepal pointed out is about interracial dating (click 'watch this movie!'. and just for kicks, here's a pciture of possibly the world's oldest woman. and i don't totally kno why, but her eyes remind me of jam. and her face of blueberry muffins. but onto wat i really wanted to talk about... celebrities. all of them are suddenly getting married or something (photos). most interesting i find is christina aguilera, nichole richie, and seal. and no, they aren't marrying each other, duh. they're marrying a bunch of nobodies. and appt christina is marrying an ugly f*cker so she covered up his face in that picture (altho she's getting better looking). something else weird. in that picture of beyonce and jay-z (picture 9) he's holding her stomache. like she's pregnant. that's right world! beyonce is pregnant! and remember, you heard it first from me! haha! beat that paparazzi. and i really don't kno why prince charles' upcoming marriage to camilla is such a controversy. they're in love! they've both been married to other people but their love has weathered it all. i think it's cute. and of all those celebrity marriages mentioned earlier, i'm sure these two will last the longest. i mean come on! just cause you love diana doesn't mean that charles can't be happy witout her. they were a terrible couple from the start anyway. do you kno that, years ago, when the press asked diana if she and charles were in love, she replied 'of course' and he said 'watever loves means...' congrats charles and camilla!

it's a gamble

i think maybe reep read this site. the last week or so he's not told me to 'sh'. well good. i'm sorry tho that i had to resort to this site to let you kno. sometimes it feels as tho you don't listen to me talk. at any rate. this post tonight isn't about me (yes, i feel your pain, i kno you're disapointed but please step away from that ledge). was talking to reep tonight about some girl who has a dumbass boif that we think she should break up wit (hello, i already said this post wasn't about me!). i said something that i thought was really rather perceptive (isn't it funny how sometimes you say really smart things witout thinking? or no, maybe that's just me. cause i'm so smart anyway that even i sometimes fail to realize the full extent of my genius.): that she doesn't break up wit him because she loves him. and when you love someone you end up suffering a lot. but all the while you're thinking that this suffering will somehow pay off in the end. and the more you suffer, the greater your reward will be. so you stay in this bad relationship because you keep thinking that things will turn around. however, life doesn't work this way, and you just end up wasting your time in a godawful relationship. it's kind of like gambling. you're already down a grand but keep expecting to hit a lucky streak. but why? fate owes you nothing. just cause you tossed 10 tails in a row does not mean that the next toss will turn up heads. each event is individual to itself. your loser girlfriend will not suddenly realize that wow, i have been a terrible girlfriend and please let me make it up to you by giving you oral sex whenever you want it. you may feel as if you deserve the change of wind, but you most likely won't be getting it.

'when i look into your eyes there's nothing… but my own mistakes staring back at me' / 'this is the last smile that i'll fake for the sake of being wit you' & 'this is the last time i'll take the blame for the sake of being wit you' / 'everything has to falls apart' 'everything has to end'

chocolates and empty promises

there is nothing quite so fine as being in love. that is, until your husband mixes you up wit his mistress. but i guess he's lucky. his wife is only getting a divorce, it's not like that other lady who, if her husband cheats on her, will sleep wit everyone of his teamates, coaches, trainers, bat boys... that's right, "everyone gets a turn"... but before that happens, maybe they should all go order some tailor made condoms. at any rate, cheating husbands and slutty wives aside, everyone loves dogs and chocolate, but tell me, can you name that candy bar (i got eight)? and while your at it, can anyone name the quote from the subject?

an eyeful

oh dear, a man nailed himself in the eye. it's strange because you hear about these things all the time: how people shot themselves in the head wit the nail gun. but maybe if their eyes meant just a little more to them, instead of blinding themselves they'd bling up their eyeball a little. um yes... and because you are a dork and i have nothing left to post, i will leave you wit an incredible tale of an egg wit a tail. (damn i'm witty!)

(a)musing(s)

ahh! i was gone for the weekend, as usual and my website counter went up by 30! crazy! haven't you people figured it out by now? i don't update on weekends. but anyway. because all the diseases in the world aere already cured, we have time to dream up stupid things like this: flexi salt and pepper shaker. and now that we've got that settled, we really should find the cure for obesity, also known as the cure for stupidity: burger drawfs giant in helmet. and anyway, if you ever wanted to kno wat you looked like hand drawn, you can go to this site, but only if you kno wat you look like, hand drawn.

yay!

it's my birthday! yay for me! hehehe! and guess wat? felicity senior year dvd set comes out tuesday! yay! so happy! hehehoho! ... ...anyway! let's go visit spiderman and his wacky adventures in the bible! haha! um... sure. anyway. yuko and i are gonna watch serority boys on my comp dvd so i gotta go. happy birthday to me! hehe!

silence isn't always golden

okay. i kno we talked about this before, but maybe you didn't listen to me because you rarely do. but here's the deal. i fucking hate it when you tell me to 'shh'. seriously. each time you hush me i feel like punching you in the mouth. then once more in the crotch to make sure you shut the fuck up as well. i especially hate it when you ask me wat i'm thinking or ask me to repeat myself only to shush me when i'm doing wat you just asked. and usually when you silence me i only have a few more words left to say anyway. if you don't fucking care about wat i have to say then don't fucking ask me. i have always been opinionated. and i have always been outspoken. btw. when i was all silent on sunday that pissed you off as well. wat the fuck is it that you want anyway? some sort of pull-doll that only speaks when you want it to? well fuck that. i am not here for the sole purpose of making you happy: speaking only when you want me to, waiting around for you, and being all touchy-feely simply because you are. why are you any better than me? be careful wat you wish for, cause vengence is a bitch and i'm just about ready to take it.

'judge me now' / 'drown the monster' / 'i'm not in this to be a slave' / 'and you say you sacrificed'

the incredibles!

it's too bad valentine's day is over, or you could get that lover of yours this gorgeous knife set. nothing tells him/her just how much you love them. look at the bright red color! anyway. as a kid, i had this book that described these unbelievable but true things. one of the entries was about this guy who had written a book titled gadsby. interesting about the book is that it is written entirely without using the letter e. at time i didn't totally believe it (even as a kid i was a skeptic). years later i found out about gatsby and thought it was the same book. read the thing and of course, it's filled to the brim wit the letter e. so i thought that book i had as a kid was a fraud. but it isn't! i found gadsby again and it actually is witout. it's actually pretty smooth too. amazing (and look! i can do it too! lol... bet you didn't notice that the last 5 sentences are witout es. wow! sometimes i am so impressed wit myself that i am amazed [simply astounded!] that the world doesn't stand shock still in equal wonder and praise. but you kno wat they say about the world, if it didn't suck we'd fall right off it...) and speaking of incredible feats, lookit the world's possibly tallest man! aw... i bet you're feeling pretty inferior right now aren't you? it's okay to feel that way. after all you are. lol. but just lookit this guy dancing and you won't feel so bad anymore. cause you do dance better than him. ...right? no? aw man... you're f*cked.

bits and pieces

i came across the funniest site today: blink-o-rama. and yeah, i kno, it really isn't all that funny. but for some reason i just couldn't stop laughing. the pictures themselves are funny. but some of the comments, oh man... the one on arnold, that being his orgasm face. aw man... i was laughing so hard i was crying... speaking of arnold, paris hilton doesn't have his number saved on her phone but she does have christina aguilera, eminen, jermaine dupri, pharrel, fred durst, eggplant dike ass (wtf?), and about 505 others. this is a bit old but haven't been able to incorporate this into one of my posts, but feel free to try the numbers. most are changed i'm sure, but try them anyway! (warning, site will freeze for a second after loading, just wait it out) but if you don't have the courage to call the celebrities, go play the saved by the bell drinking game first. and if you're still feeling crazy, go buy some pubic hair stencils and have yourself a party. wait, did i say party? i meant orgy.

disclaimer: i do not participate in nor encourge the behaviour suggested on my site.

redefining me

he placed ninth in the tekken comp, which is really quite good. congrates reep! he also came back early, arriving late saturday night rather than sometime sunday. so we actually ended up going on our usual sunday afternoon date. we didn't do much, just drove around town trying to buy things (chinese newspaper, baseball tees, and ps2). for the first hour or two i didn't say much. i'm tired of initiating converstations. and i'm damn sick of always coming up wit all these things to say, only get no response. we really only have a real conversation when he talks about things that interest him, because witout fail i answer back. but i'm also tired of responding if i'm truly not interested. so i decided not to play that game anymore. i mean, i'll listen, but i won't put in the extra effort to come up wit a response other than the useless 'uh huh'. why bother? it's not as if he puts in equal effort. so anyway. he got pretty pissed i think. eh. ::shrug:: thing that really bothered me was how easy it was to step back and detatch myself. i realized that it really is an effort, trying, that is. trying is tiring. and as they say, i'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. and while i'm not exactly having fun wit my little experiment (which was hardly the purpose anyway), i am finding out things about myself and about relationships in general. just this last week i have been able to add a few new things to my list of wat i want in a partner. things i would've otherwise not listed because i would've taken them for granted. oh well, it's just like that other saying: common sense isn't that common. ...i'm reading this and thinking that this update makes me sound really cold and clinical. as if i didn't care about him or something. but can't you see? it's because i love him that i need to do this. it's because i am so easily hurt by every slight (percieved or otherwise) that i must learn to protect myself. it is too early to let go. and way too soon to drown.

'look at the blueprints as they disappear' 'this is a blank space filled with all our fears' / 'i should've could've made me, but in the end it could be my last big mistake' /

'i think i'm better this way'

moan & groan

aight then, back to the updating. every day i'm at school i go thru several webistes. those of my friends and just a few more. here are a few of them: things i hate about my flatmate (best), do not get me started (pretty good), and things i wish i had (okay). okay, that's enough reading for one day.
btw, i added another link to that be-heading post from a while ago. it seems as tho everywhere men are getting their weenies hacked off. and while it makes me laugh, but i'm also sad for them too. cause if you don't get it back, how do you pee?
speaking of which, if you go to the restroom during the commercial breaks when you're at the oscars and don't make it back in time, you have to wait outside until the next commercial break. which only makes sense, they do the same in theaters (not the movie kind). but wat if you miscaculated and thought, 'well, i'm up for best actor, which is in the one after this next one, so imma pee now. and if i'm late it's okay cause i won't miss my catagory.' so you skip out of the theater and take your time. you come back to find that you are late (eh, watever) and stand there watching the tv screen they provide. and realize... that they're presenting your award! and you won!! ...boy are you stupid. seriously, i cannot believe just how stupid you are. you missed your own award! you dumbass! jesus. but it's a good thing you didn't win, cause jamie foxx did.
...speaking of which. i didn't see the movie, so i don't kno how good he was (and i'm sure he was fabulous) but if ray hadn't died this year, everything would've turned out differently. for starters, the movie wouldn't have done so well. second, he wouldn't have won all those grammies (and maybe have not even been nominated for some of them), and who knows how the oscars would've turned out?
another thing. who but actors (and singers) are so continually praising themselves? sag awards, golden globes, oscars, and i'm sure there are other awards they do too. but seriously. how many times a year do all the engineers get toghether to play dress up and give each other gold statues of naked men? uh, never. neither does any other profession (except singers, except even then i can only think of the grammies). and yet these actors are constanly whining about how they are stalked by the paparazzi. why should this botheryou? you obviously think you're so damn great that you need at least three mega publicized award shows every year. and now you're annoyed because we think you're great too? make up your damn mind! do you or don't you want us watching you?