life imitates

have you ever noticed just how easy it is to make yourself sad? and how hard it is to ask to hear the truth you're pretty sure you don't want to hear? so the last couple days i've already watched eight episodes of felicity. on one hand, i want to watch them all in one sitting. but on the other hand, i want to ration the few episodes i have left. at any rate. today i left off wit the ones after ben finds out that felicity cheated on him. (btw, 1. how could she!! and 2. how could she wit noel?! bleh... i never really liked him...) but anyway. i wanted to share a few quotes wit you.

ben and felicity finally meet. she tries to explain things. he can't take it so he walks out. she runs after him and calls out 'i love you' in this voice of finality. as if it were some sort of solution, not an apology or a cry of help. ben says "I’m really starting to hate that word. The way people use it… like you just say it and it makes everything better. Like you just say it and everything goes away." and while i do understand why she needs to tell him, it really doesn't solve anything. it's just there. and you kno wat? if you really loved someone, could you really hurt them? i really feel that... after messing up, telling someone that you love them, is worse. your mistake is a stab in the back. but you saying 'i love you' as if to make things better, is a slap in the face.

ben tells sean later that: "I want to forgive her. But I don’t know; I don’t know how." and that's so right. it's not easy, to forgive someone. there are many things i'd love to forgive and forget, but i can't. i am unable, not unwilling, to let go.

and i'll just leave you wit this one to think out yourself: later ben says to felicity that "When somebody hurts you, you want to hurt them back. But then I look at you, and no matter how mad I am, I want the hurting to stop."