truths

want to see a bunch of normal people scarified? take two photes, one of them as a child, and one of them recently and match up the faces, presto! instantly scarified. too lazy? then go to this site and check out the age-maps. okay, now looking for something funnier to look at and can't find a mirror? here are some creepy album covers. note that kenny loggins is on here multiple times. and finally, if you were inspired by the batman begins movie to become a real life batman, here is, by forbes, about how much it's gonna cost you (use toolbar at top to speed thru slideshow).

celebrity secrets

michael caine: "I was convinced that the 'MC' in MC Hammer's name stood for Michael Caine. When I found out it didn't I destroyed his career."

fabio: "People say 'How great to be Fabio- you have no enemies.' Well, Fabio does have one enemy...Coolio."

harrison ford: "It's not easy being a celebrity. Once this little kid, this cute little kid asked me for an autograph. I gave it to him. He said, 'Thanks Mr. Hanks!' I took it away from him, tore it up, and told him Tom Hanks was dead."

tom hanks: "The 1998 Oscars, I found myself in the bathroom in a stall, next to Tom Selleck. So I leaned over and I said 'looks like we're a couple of peeing Toms.' His angry silence is something I'll never forget."

john ritter: "I once had a heated argument with Don Knotts. He looked me dead in the eye and said that I wasn't fit to shine Andy Griffith's shoes. I stayed up all night thinking about that and I said to myself, 'My God he's right.' The next day, I quit my job as Andy Griffith's shoe shiner."

william shatner: "How do I stay so healthy and boyishly handsome? It's simple. I drink the blood of young runaways."

slash: "I once asked Axl why he left the 'E' off his name. He started crying and said he thought he'd spelled it right."

partrick stewart: "My favorite animal- the bald eagle. Not because it's bald-because it tastes good."

george takei: "Once, we gave Star Trek creator Gene Rodenberry a big basket of berries that we labeled "Rodenberries". They were actually month-old cherries and he was pretty pissed off."

donald trump: "One day when I was in fifth grade, this kid came along and he took my lunchbox. When i told him it was mine, he said 'I don't see your name on it!' That's when I learned to put my name in giant, really giant letters on every single thing I own."

and go read all of mr t's and snoop doggs at conan o'brian's site.

heads up penny

it's nice the way people can surprise you sometimes. say it's been two or three times, 10 or 20 even, in a row, let's say, that a person has let you down. and when you least expect it, they actually do it. and on one hand you're just happy they did it at all. but on the other you're disapointed in yourself, that you thought so little of them. of course, optimist that i am, i think that this time wasn't just a fluke. they're getting better is wat it is. ...wat will happen next time?

'you don't know how much you mean to me' 'and i thank you'

the starry night

Starry Night

"Looking at the stars always makes me dream, as simply as I dream over the black dots representing towns and villages on a map. Why, I ask myself, shouldn't the shining dots of the sky be as accessible as the black dots on the map of France?" - Vincent van Gogh

animals

old man kills leopard wit bare hands! get this, he reaches into it's mouth and kills the thing by pulling out it's tongue. freaking crazy. and in other animal dying news. a dude tricks cops into shooting a dog. really sad but still sorta funny in a really twisted way. and because it's so related: an online campaigne to get lindsay back to normal weight: feedlindsay.com.

postsecret

new postsecret.

i'm back!

this is the coolest toy ever! the hydrofoam! but  if you can't afford one of those, go get a pogo stick. which i kno, sounds pretty stupid, but watch these guys and see if you don't change your mind. still can't afford one of those? go adopt a stray dog. yes he may have fleas, but just be happy your dog doesn't 1) bite you in the vagina (they pinch) and 2) bite your labrador's penis. um right... oddly funny video. watch till the end when she tells the dog about his vasectamy. lol.

huh.

Grant Wood's famous painting of an old Indiana couple posing in front of their farmhouse is considered the definitive portrait of the Midwestern farmer. In actuality, the man and women aren't really a couple nor are they farmers. Also, the "farmhouse" in the picture was once used as a bordello.  

William Eno is considered to be the "Father of Traffic Safety." He supposedly originated stop signs, one-way streets, taxi stands, pedestrian safety islands and traffic rotaries. What is not known is that he never learned to drive and he considered cars to be a passing fad.  

The Beach Boys, who were considered to be the "Kings of California Surfing, started a national surfing craze in the early 1960's. Four of the original members of the band knew nothing about surfing and the only one that did, drowned in 1983.  

In October 1994, "Weekly Reader" magazine ran an article that "discussed smoker' rights and the harm done to the tobacco industry by smoking restrictions. The article said nothing about smoking being the cause of lung cancer. Turns out the magazine is owned by the largest shareholders in RJR Nabisco, makers of Camel cigarettes.  

Karl Marx, considered to be the enemy of American capitalism, accepted a job as the London correspondent of the New York Tribune years after he had become famous as the author of the "Communist Manifesto." His reason was that his anti-capitalist political writing hadn't earned him enough to live on.  btw, chicago has something special to say billy corgon (of smashing pumpkins). rock on. lol.

bisexual

"A growing number of futurists believe that humans will one day be able to change their sex like they change their clothes. Gene implants will allow someone to be a male one year and a female the next!  

"Already, there are a wide variety of hermaphroditic fish, each of which is capable of playing both the male and female role in sexual reproduction—either with other fish or all alone! Within the past 25 years, many accepted beliefs about fish have been demolished. Hermaphroditism (the ability of an individual to function, either in sequence or simultaneously, as a fertile male and a fertile female) has been found to be much more widespread among fish than has previously been suspected.  

"For example, the sea perch has one two-part sex organ; one part produces eggs and the other part sperm. The two parts may mature at different rates, but once they reach maturity, either half can be used at any one time. During the spawning season, one individual will take the male role, fertilizing the eggs of another individual taking the female role. The two fish then reverse roles.  

"Another fish, the grouper, appears to go through two gender changes in the course of a normal life cycle. Beginning sexual maturity as a male, the grouper goes through a period when it is both male and female, then spends the rest of its life functioning as a female.  

"The question that futurists ponder most is what effect easy sex changes will have on social stability among humans. What if, as one scholar suggests, war breaks out and male soldiers turn themselves into females in order to avoid armed combat? Or how will traditionalists react when one person is both mother and father to the same child?"

self love will never be the same again...

correction

so i heard from reep that leo (who appt reads this site) was offended when he read this post. specificaly about the part of him wanting to get a stripper. (altho on re-read it does say 'appt') anyway, i was just telling it as i knew it. but reep later told me that leo had no intention of getting a stripper and he thinks i made that up or something. but you kno wat? reep says that the stripper deal does sound familiar and really, this isn't the type of thing i'd make up anyway. reep says that he does remember someone (hhh he said) making mention, perhaps as a joke, of getting a stripper. i remember reep telling me that someone (leo specifically) wanted to get one. so i guess wat happened was someone said it as a joke. and when reep told me it no longer was one. why i remember leo i dunno. but i'm sure i'd be less inclined to say something bad of leo because of reep's friends (tom not included cause he's also my friend) he's the only one i really kno at all, even tho i don't even kno him. and furthermore, i really like the guy. ...no, not in that way. but anyway, i still think it's a bit weird of his friends to be reading my site but a friend of mine said something about voyerism which made a lot of sense to me. this obviously isn't quite the same thing but anyway. just clearing up the facts folks. reep said something about me offending people, which isn't my purpose, but i really don't care if i do. i feel the way i feel, that's all. reporting the wrong facts however, is just wrong. so! sorry leo for me saying that you appt wanted to hire a stripper. i wasn't making stuff up, it's just how i remember it. i think somehow between reep and me things got lost in translation and you were offended by such, so again, i apologize. peace (outside)!

gong!

the following is from the British Sunday Express giving Gongs (medals) for dubious distinctions

To John Bloor, who mistook a tube of superglue for his hemorrhoid cream and glued his buttocks together.  

To Henry Smith, arrested moments after returning home with a stolen stereo. His error was having tattooed on his forehead in large capital letters the words "Henry Smith." His lawyer told the court: "My client is not a very bright young man."  

To Michael Robinson, who rang police to deliver a bomb threat, but became so agitated about the mounting cost of the call that he began screaming "Call me back!" and left his phone number.  

To Paul Monkton, who used as his getaway vehicle a van with his name and phone number painted in foot-high letters on the side.  

To Julia Carson, who as her tearful family gathered 'round her coffin in a New York funeral parlor, sat bolt upright and asked what the hell was going on. Celebrations were short-lived, due to the fact that Mrs. Carson's daughter, Julie, immediately dropped dead from shock.  

To poacher Marino Malerba, who shot a stag standing above him on an overhanging rock -- and was killed instantly when it fell on him.  

To the passengers on a jam-packed train from Margate to Victoria, who averted their eyes while John Henderson and Zoe D'Arcy engaged in oral sex and then moved on to intercourse ... but complained when the pair lit up post-coital cigarettes in a nonsmoking compartment. 

be a sport

After beating 1000 rivals in a 500-mile race, Percy the racing pigeon flopped down exhausted in a Sheffield loft and was promptly eaten by a cat.  

In preparation for the 1992 New York Golden Gloves Championships, boxer Daniel Caruso psyched himself up by pounding his gloves into his face. In doing so, he broke his nose and was disqualified from the match.  

While waving to the crowd after finishing fourth in the 500cc US Motor Cycle Championship in 1989, Kevin Magee fell off the machine and broke his leg.  

During a cricket game in Kalgoorlie, Australia, Stan Dawson was hit by a delivery which ignited a box of matches in his pocket. As he tried to beat down the flames, he was tagged out.  

Russian athlete Ivanon Vyacheslav was so thrilled to win a medal at the 1956 Melbourne Olympics that he threw the medal high into the air. It landed in Lake Wendouree, and was never found.  

TAMPA, Fla. - Thomas Stefanelli should be hailed "Employee of the Year" for making 4 pizza deliveries after he was shot. Stefanelli was shot in the leg by a masked man who demanded money. While suffering the gunshot, he discovered that his cell phone wasn't working. He went to his next delivery to inform his boss about the incident. Afterward, he made three more deliveries before he was treated for his injury. The gunshot caused no serious damage to the 37-year-old's leg. Police have identified numerous suspects fitting the gunman's description.

truth

death cab for cutie - tiny vessels

This is the moment that, you know,
that you told you loved her but you don't.
You touch her skin and then you think
that she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.
Yeah, she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.

I spent two weeks in Silverlake.

The California sun cascading down my face.
There was a girl with light brown streaks
And she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me.
Yeah, she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me.

I wanted to believe in all the words that I was speaking
as we moved together in the dark.
And all the friends that I was telling
and all the playful misspellings
and every bite I gave you left a mark.

And tiny vessels oozed into your neck
and formed the bruises
that you said you didn't want to fade;

but they did and so did I that day.

All I see are dark grey clouds
in the distance moving closer with every hour.
So when you ask "was something wrong?"
That I think "you're damn right there is but we can't talk about it now.
No, we can't talk about it now."

So one last touch and then you'll go
and we'll pretend that it meant something so much more.
But it was vile, and it was cheap
and you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me.
Yeah, you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me.

[x2]

weirdos

it's not as tho i've ever really like ben affleck but after reading this i can fully say that i really don't like him. seriously, he is so gross. grosser than even this picture of a gymnast witout a head. but it's a good thing he has a good name and not something like this 1920s film directer: ima cunt. maybe c*nt didn't have the same meaning back then, so naming your kid ima was okay? but anyway, back to affleck. he's a sicko. so the next time you meet him, tell him to go straight to hell. and give him the link to the official website of entrances to hell so he doesn't get lost.

(and yeahyeah so i missed a few days. life of a college student, folks. btw? no updates for about a week starting this friday. still probably start again next saturday or sunday.)

shakespeare - sonnet 80

O, how I faint when I of you do write,
Knowing a better spirit doth use your name,
And in the praise thereof spends all his might,
To make me tongue-tied, speaking of your fame!
But since your worth, wide as the ocean is,
The humble as the proudest sail doth bear,
My saucy bark inferior far to his
On your broad main doth wilfully appear.
Your shallowest help will hold me up afloat,
Whilst he upon your soundless deep doth ride;
Or being wreck'd, I am a worthless boat,
He of tall building and of goodly pride:
      Then if he thrive and I be cast away,
      The worst was this; my love was my decay.

count your ...blessings?

you kno wat totally sucks? when someone wrongly judges you. i mean, come on, if you're gonna pass judgement at least have it be the right one. another really annoying thing is when someone says something about you and maybe it's right maybe it isn't, but you change your ways to be more wat they want. and they totally not only not commend your actions but also don't even seem to notice! who the eff do you think i'm changing for anyway? certainly not others. everyone else thinks i'm just fine thankyouverymuch! and yes i did actually change. jesus. the more i think about it, the more i recall other things that are really annoying. just one more... well, no actually, i'll just do it romrow night cause i'd actually want to expand on the topic but then this post would be about that and not all the stupid things that annoy me! bah!

'i kno a little more than i did before' 'so don't forget, before you try bringing me down: wat goes around always comes back around' / 'so you think you can see inside my mind. you probably could if you just took a little time.'

poof!

in case you were starting to develop an ebay problem, go here and be prepared to never buy anything you don't need again. well, after you buy this paris hilton carl's jr ad doll that is. and just in case you forgot wat that ad was about, check it out here (spoof!). and another commerical spoof, altho much weirder and way less funny, is of the ipod coms here (not great, so recap: guy wearing all black goes to apple store and dances around. weird thing? doesn't get kicked out and barely attracts attention even tho he dances for sh*t).

oh grow up!

you kno wat freaks me out? marriage. was telling chang today about a nightmare i had last night about angel getting pregnant and kevin quitting school and going to ny to be wit her. chang asked, why is this a nightmare? and, i guess, truthfully, it isn't. but good golly it is! so wat if there were no monsters and just cause it had nothing to do wit me (i wasn't even in the dream)? it totally freaked me out. eesh... whoa, i just shivered. see! nightmare indeed! anyway. it's not to say that i don't think marriage is a good thing. i think it definitely can be, just not at our age. and i kno this is gonna sound hideously hypocritical wat wit me and reep closing in on the five year mark but i think kids our age should have fun and date around. committing oneself to another for life is a HUGE deal and i don't think nearly any of us are ready for that. we're wat, 20? so you're making this --lol, i said mistake. (i talk aloud as i type and i said mistake. hehe!)-- decision that will last you for the next 60 years of your life. holy poop! most of us only started dating in hs. and actually / seriously dating in college (hs relationships don't really count as real relationships). how can you have possibly met the person you'd want to spend the rest of your life wit in just those few short years? furthermore, how the hell would you even kno wat you would want to spend the rest of your life wit?! wat is wit the desperate need to gett married?! just cause you like to play 'grow up' doesn't mean you can actually do the real thing! okay, i need to stop typing. i am literally breaking out in hives. eck!

'…a fuckin lost kid' 'trying so hard to become…' / 'i cannot seem to keep from freaking out'

don't make me sick

be careful when you check out the updates tonight. i ate dinner first and now i feel kind of queasy. go check out this website of perception puzzles, visual perception, optical illusions and paradoxes. and if your still feeling okay, go try your hand at this rapid afterimage thing first. it's pretty cool actually. aight. i go lie down now. bleh...

video night

car accidents happen all the time. but in nascar accidents ususally happen because someone got too cocky and accidently hits you. but not in the case of this guy. he just gets distracted. way to go buddy. and in case you've ever been stupid enough to talk back to a cop and not heed his warnings, this is wat happens: you get tazed. horribly horribly tazed. but to the rest of us watching your dumb ass, it's hilarious. lesson learned: do as the cop says. and altho this is sorta oldish but somehow just getting popular: guy breaks copier wit his ass. and if you have some free time, go watch ministry messiah. it's really weird, but also quite cool. and pretty even, in a really weird sort of way.

back for answers

never did hear back about this post from feb 9th. so why exactly does her request of you weigh more heavily than mine?

'we keep spinning around' 'we’re going in circles' / 'i caught a glimpse of you' 'secrets on your face' 'and now i’m running circles in my head' / 'maybe i just threw it in your face' 'and now its time you put me in my place'

who are you?

killers - mr brightside

I'm coming out of my cage
And I’ve been doing just fine
Gotta gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all

It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss

Now I’m falling asleep
And she’s calling a cab
While he’s having a smoke
And she’s taking a drag

Now they’re going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it’s all in my head
But she’s touching his chest now

He takes off her dress now
Let me go
I just can’t look its killing me
And taking control

Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
‘Cause I’m Mr Brightside

(repeat all)

I never...
I never...
I never...

sedate

so we ended up talking for a bit last night and settled a few things. it's weird how reluctant we are to talk about things. and yet as soon as we do, things are better! how's that for weird? anyway. so i guess my more basic fears of him and vegas are alleviated. altho serioulsy, sometimes you just wanna hear the words you kno? hey, did you kno he was planning on going back to dragon boating again? he didn't go last year cause he did baseball instead. i gotta admit, i'm a bit apprehensive about him going. wat wit al2 and all. ...i never did really talk about wat happend at the last db comp did i? well, in short: it sucked. for many many reasons. one of which was cause reep was there. ...wait, did you just say your day sucked cause your boif was there? yeah, that is wat i said. i can very easily ignore things that aren't there. but when that shit is right there under your nose, well, it's hard to pretend it aint there. so a few sundays ago at the db comp i saw wat i've been trying to ignore all this time: actual interaction between reep and al2. and now he's planning to come to db practices every sunday. um yeah, how is this supposed to work exactly? damn if i kno. i keep hoping that i'll just get over it. that i'll wake up one day and feel differently. and yeah, i kno how lame that sounds. and don't worry, i don't believe it either. so wat are you doing exactly? um... nothing. isn't it obvious? ...well that sounds like a good plan. thanks, i think so too. ...wtf mate?

'let’s talk about no one, please talk about no one, someone, anyone' 'let’s talk about nothing' / 'you and me have a disease, you affect me, you infect me, i’m afflicted, you’re addicted' / 'stop me before i do it again' 'hope i don’t break down'

topsy turvy

*if you ever have trouble customizing your order at starbucks, just print out this coffee wheel and from now on you'll be all set. *parents become penis(es). ::applause:: and may i personally congratulate the cover layout editor. *mary-kate so hungry she ate her lip. *keanu reeves got married. *also, a late engagment congrats to two people who couldn't find france a map if their lives depended on it: paris hilton and paris latsis: paris^2.

also, sorry for quality of posts lately but nothing funny has been happening. perhaps you would care to oblige to tape, climb, fall off the eiffel tower and crush poodles? 'oy wit the poodles already!'

fight club quotes (random & last one!)

Tyler: You know why they put oxygen masks on planes?
Narrator: So you can breath.
Tyler: Oxygen gets you high. In a catastrophic emergency, you're taking giant panicked breaths. Suddenly you become euphoric, docile. You accept your fate. It's all right here. [pointing at an emergency instruction manual on a plane] Emergency water landing - 600 miles an hour. Blank faces, calm as Hindu cows.
Narrator: That's, um... That's an interesting theory.

 

Narrator: This is Bob. Bob has bitch tits.

 

Narrator: Bob is dead, they shot him in the head!
Tyler: You wanna make an omelet, you gotta break some eggs.

 

Richard Chesler: Is that your blood?
Narrator: Some of it, yeah.

 

Narrator: I can't get married - I'm a thirty-year-old boy.

 

Tyler: Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.

 

Narrator: Deja vu - all over again.

holy sh*t

wat every kid wants to kno: "why does jesus have long hair like a homo?" and just to show that i'm not totally blasphemous: why jesus f*cking rocks! and for those not so interested in god but still interested in his self-declared incarnate: f dubya license plate. and just cause i'm already going to hell anyway, 21st century children's books.

fight club quotes (marla)

Narrator: Marla's philosophy of life is that she might die at any moment. The tragedy, she said, was that she didn't.

 

Marla: I've got a stomachful of Xanax. I took what was left of a bottle. It might have been too much.

 

Marla: My God. I haven't been fucked like that since grade school.

 

Tyler: She's a predator posing as a house pet.

 

Marla: You're Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Jackass!

 

Marla: You're not getting this back. I consider it asshole tax.

 

Marla: You're the worst thing that's ever happened to me.

 

Narrator: You met me at a very strange time in my life.

left behind

so as you may and should kno. i'm going to china this summer. will probably be leaving aug 2nd. won't be back until maybe as late as sept 20th. during this time there is a tekken tourny in vegas. reep is going. i am... well, i'm sure you already kno how i feel. ::raise eyebrow:: when he went to san fran earlier this year wit pretty much the same group for the same reason i was kind of sad cause it didn't really seem as tho he wanted me there anyway. we were going thru a hard time tho, so i chalked it up to that. and now, of course, i'm going to china, so it's not exactly as if i could go even if he wanted. and of course i don't want him to miss it. that would be stupid. esp as since this comp is a big one: evo. i dunno... maybe it irks me a little cause way ealier he said he didn't want to go? altho i do kno that it bothers me more than just a little bit that it's in vegas. when we went to vegas wit his friends, leo appt wanted to get hire a stripper. um yeah... but since i went that didn't happen. tho they did go watch a burlesque show. reep and i went gambling instead. but wat if i'm not there? did i also mention that leo's going to evo as well? yeahyeah there's a tourny and they might end up practicing all night as they did in san fran. but come on, this is vegas. 'wat happens in vegas stays in vegas' and all that shit. reep also isn't quite the type to say no if something comes up. oh sure, he'll say no to drugs, drinking and sex wit strangers (i hope!) but something as 'harmless' as a strip show? we talked about this years ago and he said that if his friends ever wanted to go to a strip club he'd not say no. altho he wouldn't be the one to suggest that sort of activity. yeah, makes me as a girlfriend oh so comfortable. and if you kno anything about me, it's not just the normal girlfriend fears, or even the paranoid girlfriend fears (justified or not), but also the feminist in me that cringes in disgust. and yeah, it was years ago, so maybe things have changed. and, lol, instead of just asking him, i'm sitting here like a damn fool dreaming up worst case scenarios. but yeah... wat do i expect? for him to not want things simply because i don't want them? well, yeah. but it totally counts that he doesn't go and do these things that i don't want him to do! at any rate. this vegas trip just doesn't sit well wit me. you might ask why i don't just ask him to not anything i wouldn't do. but it's cause i'm not like that. i don't like limiting people. i don't like asking them to do or don't do things for / because of me. it's less genuine if you kno wat i mean... so i don't ask unless i feel as tho i really have to. and in this case, i feel that i should just let wat happen wat will. hopefully he won't do anything,. and if he does... we'll see how things play out. i'll have a month or more away. so we'll just see if absence make the heart fonder or wander.

'i’m thinking back to the last day we had' / 'the journey’s long and it feels so bad' 'even though we’re miles apart we are each other’s destiny' / 'i’ll fly home to you' / 'i’m bending time getting back to you' 'soon i know i’ll be back with you' 'i’m nearly with you'

monkeehub

cutest animated music videos ever! jbc is so cute! the song is cutesy, if you kno wat i mean. but the website layout is the cutest ever! but radiohead - creep. have always liked that song... it's incredible to think that one guy animated all this stuff. really neat. go thru the rest of his site if you have time. it's great. :)

photog

photoshopped caricatures of celebs; lots and lots of them (view related contests). and animal products; not as good, but some pretty good ones. rejected software; not terribly good... fake windows features. worst. bleh...

animals

Besides humans, the only animal that can stand on its head is the elephant.  

Nearly all polar bears are left-handed.  

A newborn panda is smaller than a mouse.  

The heads of a freak two-headed snake will fight over food - despite sharing the same stomach.  

The armadillo is the only animal - apart from man - that can catch leprosy.  

Some snakes can live up to a year without eating.  

Besides humans, the only animals that can suffer sunburn are pigs and horses.  

A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.  

A donkey will sink in quicksand, but a mule won't.  

Pigs can become alcoholics.  

When hippopotamuses get upset, their sweat turns red.  

An angry gorilla pokes its tongue out.  

A giraffe can clean its ears with its tongue.  

Deer sleep only 5 minutes a day.

Emus and Kangaroos cannot walk backwards.  

Cats have over a hundred vocal chords.  

All porcupines float in water.

SHINNSTON, W.Va. - A woman was in the wrong place at the wrong time on Wednesday. She was painting a fence when a 1,500-pound camel decided to take a breather and sat on top of her. The woman called for help, alerting firefighters and the camel's owner who rushed to help move the animal off of her. Ambulance driver Brent Hicks said she was having trouble breathing. "There is no protocol on something like this," he said. The names of the woman and the camel's owner were not released.  

short!

remember how a while ago i had that retouching website? well, here are some celebrity detouchings. all fake of course, but some are really quite believable! free doughnuts at krispy kreme today!

RALEIGH, N.C. - The custard shop customer who found a fingertip in a pint of frozen custard refuses to return the digit so it could be reattached. Clarence Stowers still has the finger, and now it's too late for doctors to help 23-year-old Brandon Fizer. "I'm not saying who has it, but somebody has it," Stowers said. Shortly after Stowers found the finger in the soft-serve at Kohl's Frozen Custard, he put it in his freezer at home. "The general manager attempted to retrieve it and rush it to the hospital," reads a statement posted Thursday on Kohl's Web site. "Unfortunately, the customer refused to give it to her and declared that he would be calling the TV stations and an attorney as he exited the store."

ick!

*crazy interviewer kills interview subject. *self-defense dress. *how to be the life of a party: strong man stunts. *silly things tourists do in pictures. *kickboxer breaks leg. crazy. watch the white guy's right leg.

addition: to scariest looking guy ever. his address and offense. um yeah... wat kind of  'gross sexual imposition'? cause from him, any sexual advance is a gross sexual imposition. seriously gross.

fight club quotes (commercialism)

Narrator: [to Tyler, while looking at a Calvin Klein-esque ad on the bus] Is that what a real man is supposed to look like?

 

Tyler: The things you own end up owning you.

 

Tyler: Fuck off with your sofa units and serine green stripe patterns, I say never be complete, I say stop being perfect, I say let... let’s evolve, let the chips fall where they may.

 

Tyler: You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.

 

Marla: A condom is the glass slipper for our generation. You slip one on when you meet a stranger. You dance all night, and then you throw it away. The condom, I mean, not the stranger.

 

Tyler: This is your life... good to the last drop.

mirage?

was downstairs tonight eating a late dinner when a couple also came down and resumed watching a tape of 'the piano' (which, btw, if you haven't seen it, you should. it's the saddest but most beautiful love story ever). they had a whole set up going. a fondue pot, chocolate, strawberries... it was so romantic. i ooo'd.  i asked how long they've been together. a year since april they said. and i aah'd. it's strange how i can be so happy for others when they tell me how long they've been together. and yet, when people ask me, i get all creeped out. it mainly has to do wit disbelief. but maybe some feelings of undeservation. others ask how we've managed to stay together for so long. and i've really no answer to that. i simply have no idea. at any rate. last week's storm has blown over. i think anyway. dark clouds can still be seen, but they are drifting away. let's keep our fingers crossed and hope that this isn't just the eye of the storm.

'when i'm not around do you think of me?' / 'you are the only one' / 'i want to stay with you'

genius burns

A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an axe leaving her mentally retarded.

In 1978 a man charged with murder escaped from the custody of the Irish police. The Garda Press Office, issued  a statement to the effect that, 'He is no more dangerous than any other murderer.'

A Texan convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages rather than serve a two-year prison sentence. For payment, he gave the court a forged check. He got his prison term back, plus eight more years.

AMHERST, Ohio - Laurie Ralston applied for a dispatcher job with the Amherst police department. The department ran a background check and discovered Ralston's record. She has 17 traffic convictions, which include seven speeding tickets and two citations for driving without a license. Ralston was informed that she could come in for an interview the following day. She was arrested and charged with driving without a license and failure to appear in court upon her arrival. The arrested applicant had no idea about the suspicions of the police.

SAN ANTONIO, TX - A man who was found sticking out of a hole in the side of a building at the scene of a burglary denied having involvement with the robbery. During the investigation, San Antonio police discovered Ruben Porter trying to squeeze out of the hole to avoid capture. Although he denied any misconduct, police found several tools from the nearby robbed store on him.

RIDGECREST, Calif. - a chicken in Kern County crossing the road was ticketed for its offense. The owners of the jaywalking bird, Linc and Helena Moore, are upset over the ruling. They believe the ticket was payback for their complaints that deputies haven't done enough to control off-road joyriders who come through town on their ATVs. A sheriff's sergeant argues that chickens wandering onto the road are becoming an issue in the small community. The Moores have pleaded innocent on behalf of their wayward chicken.

WEBSTER CITY, Iowa - Javier Torrez wedged himself in a chimney while attempting to break into a vacant house. A neighbor called the authorities after hearing cries for help coming from the home. Upon arrival, the police kicked in the front door and followed Torrez's voice to the basement where his legs stuck out from the chimney. Firefighters were able to free the intruder and turned him over to police. Apparently, Torrez made his way from the roof and then through the chimney before his robbery was cut short. He now faces trespassing charges, but the case is still under investigation.

artful(l)

we all kno the japanese are pretty weird but this manhole art is also kind of cool. in a weird way, of course. also weird but in a somewat cool way is this furniture. make sure to check out the gallery (esp the pictures of sullivan and the bad table). and this 99rooms thing isn't the coolest thing ever. but the art is pretty neat. it's a bit like notpron in that you have to get thru the levels but don't worry, it's so not hard. all you have to do is find the place to click (usually the buttons or switches). and i have always loved ms paint and now i kno why: it is capable of good things. oh, and because we all care: morpheus is dead.