left behind

so as you may and should kno. i'm going to china this summer. will probably be leaving aug 2nd. won't be back until maybe as late as sept 20th. during this time there is a tekken tourny in vegas. reep is going. i am... well, i'm sure you already kno how i feel. ::raise eyebrow:: when he went to san fran earlier this year wit pretty much the same group for the same reason i was kind of sad cause it didn't really seem as tho he wanted me there anyway. we were going thru a hard time tho, so i chalked it up to that. and now, of course, i'm going to china, so it's not exactly as if i could go even if he wanted. and of course i don't want him to miss it. that would be stupid. esp as since this comp is a big one: evo. i dunno... maybe it irks me a little cause way ealier he said he didn't want to go? altho i do kno that it bothers me more than just a little bit that it's in vegas. when we went to vegas wit his friends, leo appt wanted to get hire a stripper. um yeah... but since i went that didn't happen. tho they did go watch a burlesque show. reep and i went gambling instead. but wat if i'm not there? did i also mention that leo's going to evo as well? yeahyeah there's a tourny and they might end up practicing all night as they did in san fran. but come on, this is vegas. 'wat happens in vegas stays in vegas' and all that shit. reep also isn't quite the type to say no if something comes up. oh sure, he'll say no to drugs, drinking and sex wit strangers (i hope!) but something as 'harmless' as a strip show? we talked about this years ago and he said that if his friends ever wanted to go to a strip club he'd not say no. altho he wouldn't be the one to suggest that sort of activity. yeah, makes me as a girlfriend oh so comfortable. and if you kno anything about me, it's not just the normal girlfriend fears, or even the paranoid girlfriend fears (justified or not), but also the feminist in me that cringes in disgust. and yeah, it was years ago, so maybe things have changed. and, lol, instead of just asking him, i'm sitting here like a damn fool dreaming up worst case scenarios. but yeah... wat do i expect? for him to not want things simply because i don't want them? well, yeah. but it totally counts that he doesn't go and do these things that i don't want him to do! at any rate. this vegas trip just doesn't sit well wit me. you might ask why i don't just ask him to not anything i wouldn't do. but it's cause i'm not like that. i don't like limiting people. i don't like asking them to do or don't do things for / because of me. it's less genuine if you kno wat i mean... so i don't ask unless i feel as tho i really have to. and in this case, i feel that i should just let wat happen wat will. hopefully he won't do anything,. and if he does... we'll see how things play out. i'll have a month or more away. so we'll just see if absence make the heart fonder or wander.

'i’m thinking back to the last day we had' / 'the journey’s long and it feels so bad' 'even though we’re miles apart we are each other’s destiny' / 'i’ll fly home to you' / 'i’m bending time getting back to you' 'soon i know i’ll be back with you' 'i’m nearly with you'