cheating stats

a few infidelity statistics

Marriage Infidelity Statistics	Data
Percent of marriages where one or both spouses admit to infidelity, either physical or emotional	41 %
Percent of men who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had	57 %
Percentage of women who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had	54 %
Percent of married men who have strayed at least once during their married lives	22 %
Percent of married women who have strayed at least once during their married lives	14 %
Percentage of men and women who admit to having an affair with a co-worker	36 %
Percentage of men and women who admit to infidelity on business trips	35%
Percentage of men and women who admit to infidelity with a brother-in-law or sister-in-law	17 %
Average length of an affair	2 years
Percentage of marriages that last after an affair has been admitted to or discovered	31 %
Percentage of men who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught	74 %
Percentage of women who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught	68 %
Percent of children who are the product of infidelity	2.5 %

Infidelity has a lot of names; cheating, adultery, extramarital sex, or having an affair. Most people would consider any violation of a couple's assumed or stated agreement regarding emotional or sexual exclusivity. It is reported that 2.5% of all children born were secretly conceived with a different partner.

interesting stuff!! i think the most shocking stat for me is that the average length of an affair is two whole years. i mean, that's a damn long time! also interesting is that it seems as tho the main reason people don't cheat is they they're afraid of getting caught. i wonder what exactly they're afraid of? i believe that a lot of people who cheat still honestly love their spouse. so are they afraid that if they're caught cheating then the relationship will be over? because that seems like a pretty likely. or are they afraid of hurting the person? (i hope this is the one!)

btw, i think the % of kids resulting from infidelity is so low because these adults are lying to themselves (or are being lied to). but, of course, cheating can be defined in many ways and it doesn't always have to involve sex.

another interesting article about how cheating may be genetic. 

truth in acting

at small group we've been talking about charismatic churches*. rock harbor, the church our life group is associated with, is trying hard to be a middle of the road church, not too charismatic or the other way round.

our leaders asked us what we thought of very demonstrative people. most of them seem to be in agreement that they view more dramatic reactions are show, and are not genuine. more than one person said they were suspicious that these people were doing it for the attention.

as an atheist who doesn't remember ever feeling the stirring of god, any higher power, or anything supernatural, i'm fairly neutral towards the subject. everyone's different: some people never cry, not even at a death, others start bawling and ripping out their hair over split milk. so one person not being physically moved by god makes just as much sense as a person "over-reacting" for god.

personally, i'm less comfortable with charismatic churches. tho i say this having never been to one. but i'm a fairly reserved person anyway, so the fainting or faith healings is a bit too much for me.

*from what i understand, charismatic churches are the churches where the people are more demonstrative when they feel god. this could be anything from raising your hands in the air, to shouting "hallelujah", to speaking in tongues, to rolling on the ground. non-charismatic churches tend to stay away from that. i think they're more structured in general. so less going with what you feel than going to what's on the schedule.

social surrogacy

"Should a woman be allowed to hire a surrogate because she fears pregnancy will hurt her career? Or "ruin" her body? What if she's just afraid of giving birth?" An article from ELLE May 2014 about  social surrogacy

our society place value in motherhood and pregnancy, but we don't really. we may coddle pregnant women, but we also have like the shortest maternity leave of any 1st world nation. we expect women to immediately return to pre-baby bodies, we freak out at women breast feeding in public, and find fault in stretch makes.

i'm a fairly practical person. so it doesn't make much difference to me why you want to hire a surrogate rather than having one yourself. honestly, i feel like purposely setting out to create a kid, even one you diy, is a little bit a selfish thing anyway, so adding vanity to the mix is no big deal. so yeah, i think social surrogacy is fine. i mean, it's not the best thing ever, but since you can't deny surrogacy based on motive alone... i do think the best alternative to not carrying your own child is to adopt. but that's a whole other thing.

what we all want

What Guys Really Want In A Partner Is Super Depressing

numbers aside, what it comes down to is this. men want wives to be nothing like daughters. which is, in case you didn't get it, an impossibility. in general, men prefer daughters to be smarter, stronger, and more independent than their own wives. good thing for wives tho, we're supposed to be pretty in a way our daughters are not encouraged to be. lol.

the article does a weird guy bashing thing where it tells men to "get over it." that's rude. i imagine women feel much the same way about their husbands and sons. no one wants the short end of the stick. and most of us would prefer a spouse to be successful enough to make enough money so that we can loaf around at home all day. but you wouldn't want your son (or daughter) to marry a lazy gold digger. even tho you'd like to dig right alongside of them!

fyi, the article this article talks about is also worth a read: an insight into the 21st century man

sex for prudes

from the atlantic's The Sexually Conservative Millennial

"[Public Religion Research Institute] surveyed 2300 Americans between the ages of 18 and 35, and found that 37% think "sex between two adults who have no intention of establishing a relationship" is morally wrong." assuming this is consensual sex, WHAT?! hahaha, i can hardly believe it! i mean, i totally can, but nearly 40% seems damn high!

of my close friends, very few of us have sex as described in the situation above. i have no idea how most of my peers are sexing. but media would lead me to believe that much more than 60% of us would have thought non-committal sex was totally cool. though, of course, your thoughts on something don't always reflect in your actions.

and for the record, i'm part of the 63%. consensual sex between adults is a nearly always a good thing. do it however you want.

(can i just say, i had to rewrite these last lines a couple times. kept wanting to... generalize it. was going to say that "sex is a good thing. do it however you want." but no, it's not always a good thing. rape, for instance. so i added "consensual." but there's also statutory rape, or consensual sex between kids, so i had to add the "between adults" thing. i made one more addition and decided to stop clarifying it. blarg.)

fights

reepal believes that fights are from someone making a mistake. i believe that fights can stem from many many many more reasons, including a difference in opinion. sure, a difference of opinion should lead to discussion (as reepal said), but i think that depending on the context that difference will very frequently lead to a fight.