2+ is perfect

The Surprising Conclusion From the Biggest Polyamory Survey Ever

was talking about polyamory the other week with j. he doesn't think he could do it because of, well, jealousy. i think i might be able to. not that i would be the polyamorous one, but i think i might be okay sharing a partner. i generally don't feel like i'm ever enough for a person. in thinking about my past... well, not relationships but er... romantic dawdling, i've said before that I usually ended it because i lost interest. but, in really thinking about it, it was usually because he wanted more than i was willing to give. I knew i wouldn't want to give more, even down the line, so i did the kind thing and ended things. better to slightly hurt someone now, than to have them invest and hurt them a lot later, right? ...honestly, i probably just gave up. rip said once that i have difficulty taking things to completion. i'm pretty sure he was right. it's the whole commitment thing rearing its ugly head again.

anyway, i also talked about this years ago with another friend. he was frustrated because his sexual needs (among a few other needs) weren't being fulfilled by his wife. i forget how it was brought up, but we talked about sexual surrogacy. which he was accepting of, but knew his wife would not be into. it's funny because i think that's usually the case. you're unfulfilled, so you're okay with alternatives. the person who is "lacking" isn't okay with you getting your needs met by someone else, but at the same time isn't willing (or is unable) to satisfy you.

i don't know. this is all theoretical (or is it hypothetical?). ultimately i would hope i could "rise to the occasion" and meet my partner more than halfway so that we're both happy with each other, and each other only.

polygamy

i recently finished jon krakauer's under the banner of heaven and it was really interesting! i hadn't known much about mormonism except for the "magic underwear," no caffeine, and what i gleaned from the book of mormon, lol. so, basically, nothing. a couple months ago i did finally visit the very beautiful mormon temple in san diego where outside two mornon girls with a binder showed us pictures of the inside of the temple (non-mormons are not allowed into their special rooms [altho for the record, i would love to get in, the inside of the temple is even more beautiful than the outside!]).

anyway, back to some of the most interesting things i learned from the book. apparently mormons are latter day saints. this whole time i thought they were different sects! ting even dated an lds for a couple weeks last year, haha. the other super interesting thing i learned is that the big difference between regular mormons and fundamentalist mormons is that fundamentalist mormons believe in polygamy. and that's about it. seriously. that's why they split. couldn't agree on the number of wives.

but the reason this post is titled "polygamy" is because that after reading the book, i'm now pro-polygamy. i didn't have strong feelings about it one way or another before, but now i'm definitely pro. i feel like krakauer was pretty unbiased in his book, and i certainly don't feel like he was trying to sway readers towards polygamy, but here i am. but of course i only approve of it between consenting adults. adults!! (apparently a number of mormon marriages are assigned marriages between a much older man and a girl child. disgusting, illegal, and wrong!)

one more thing i randomly thought was interesting. apparently divorce is not uncommon in mormon marriages. wives seem to leave their husbands with some regularity. part of it, i guess, is that many of these couples don't choose each other, but are assigned to marry. oh! one question i have tho. if this society only does polygamy and not polyandry, like... where are all these women coming from? do they not run out? or are there a lot of single, unmarried men since all the women are taken? (i should probably remind you about elizabeth smart who was kidnapped by a mormon fundamentalist family and subsequently made to wed the kidnapper. however, cases like hers are very rare!)