2+ is perfect

The Surprising Conclusion From the Biggest Polyamory Survey Ever

was talking about polyamory the other week with j. he doesn't think he could do it because of, well, jealousy. i think i might be able to. not that i would be the polyamorous one, but i think i might be okay sharing a partner. i generally don't feel like i'm ever enough for a person. in thinking about my past... well, not relationships but er... romantic dawdling, i've said before that I usually ended it because i lost interest. but, in really thinking about it, it was usually because he wanted more than i was willing to give. I knew i wouldn't want to give more, even down the line, so i did the kind thing and ended things. better to slightly hurt someone now, than to have them invest and hurt them a lot later, right? ...honestly, i probably just gave up. rip said once that i have difficulty taking things to completion. i'm pretty sure he was right. it's the whole commitment thing rearing its ugly head again.

anyway, i also talked about this years ago with another friend. he was frustrated because his sexual needs (among a few other needs) weren't being fulfilled by his wife. i forget how it was brought up, but we talked about sexual surrogacy. which he was accepting of, but knew his wife would not be into. it's funny because i think that's usually the case. you're unfulfilled, so you're okay with alternatives. the person who is "lacking" isn't okay with you getting your needs met by someone else, but at the same time isn't willing (or is unable) to satisfy you.

i don't know. this is all theoretical (or is it hypothetical?). ultimately i would hope i could "rise to the occasion" and meet my partner more than halfway so that we're both happy with each other, and each other only.