intended harm

taken from theskimm Oct 13th

What's hitting the 'deny' button….

SCOTUS. Yesterday, the Supreme Court denied an appeal from gun-maker Remington to block a lawsuit filed by families of the 2012 Sandy Hook victims. The families claim the company is liable for the shooting over its promotion of the rifle used in the massacre. But the company says a law protects it from lawsuits over crimes committed with its guns. Yesterday, SCOTUS said it won't hear the appeal, so the lawsuit now goes back to a lower court in Connecticut.

I wonder if this is a good idea. I get that guns are essentially MADE to injure/kill something/someone so it's not like a BMW could be liable in the same way if someone killed someone else using a car because cars are made to transport you from point a to point b. that you misused it and killed someone doesn't really have to do with the car itself.

but couldn't you kind of argue that alcohol is made to make you feel different which leads to decreased reaction speeds, impaired decision making etc. so if someone killed someone else while drunk, could the victim's family sue Johnny Walker?

or a better example might be smoking since abusing alcohol is the problem, but having a glass with dinner likely won't hinder you enough to accidentally kill someone in an alcoholic fit. but if I died from lung cancer caused by second hand smoke, could my family sue Phillip Morris? when used correctly, smokers do cause harm to others. 

4x

taken from theskimm on Oct 8th:

A new report shows that LGBTQ+ diversity on TV is at an all-time high. Last year, the advocacy group GLAAD called on the TV industry to do better when incorporating LGBTQ+ diversity. And called for 10% representation on screen by 2020. Yesterday, it released a report saying the industry delivered with 10.2%.
The study also shows that LGBTQ+ women characters outnumbered LGBTQ+ men on broadcast TV for the first time ever... There was also an increase in the number of transgender characters. But GLAAD doesn't want to stop there.
It's challenging the TV world to get to 20% by 2025. And that within the next two years, all platforms should make sure at least half of the LGBTQ+ characters in shows are people of color.

I'm definitely not against representation, but how much representation is "fair"? a gallup poll in 2017 "concluded that 4.5% of adult Americans identified as LGBT." so at 20%, GLAAD wants a major over representation of a minority group, which seems kind of uncool.

of course, 20% is still very small compared to 80%, but with any over representation you're in a sense discrimination against the other. I don't care if there are fewer straight characters on tv, but what if we were to request the same representation of other minorities?

asians make up about 6% of the general population of america; should we ask for 1 in 4 of characters in media to be asian? that may not be a problem, but hispanics make up 16.7%, so 4 times that would be nearly 67%. we're out of percentages if we add all up all the non-whites in america and multiplied that by four, so there would be negative caucasians on tv.

harm vs harm

I've been thinking a lot about harm lately, and unintended consequences. you cannot live life without causing harm. and it's not even as easy as trying to live causing the least amount of harm possible because sometimes it's impossible to weigh.

at our office, sometimes even deciding where to eat brings up a lot of questions. do we get slightly better tasting burritos at whole foods which is owned by amazon which annually produces nearly as much carbon as swizerland or denmark? not to mention all their terrible workers' rights issues, and lack of paying taxes. or do we get not as tasty burritos at chronic taco which probably also does a lot of terrible things that we just don't know about because they're not as closely scrutinized as amazon?

and that's just lunch! where do you stand on bioplastics or the conventional kind?

a lot of people would say, bioplastics, of course, because it doesn't come from petroleum, and it has a smaller carbon footprint because most oil doesn't come from america anyway. but that's just the oil aspect. most bioplastic in the states is made from corn since we have govt subsidies for that. but it's those same subsidies which ultimately led to high fructose corn syrup in everything because we have too much corn and the govt asked scientists to come up with ways to use it up. and, while both oil and corn require water, corn requires more land and possibly causes more water pollutants because of fertilizers and pesticides. oil has led to war, which farming hasn't as much, but our modern conventional farming has led to hella cancers and also involves migrant workers / illegal immigration issues which oil likely has too much definitely on a smaller scale.

end of life is murky too. bioplastics are rarely recycled or composted. in fact, they actually contaminate regular plastic recycling and most waste haulers don't even want it. almost all bioplastics end up in landfill where they don't biodegrade at all, but do release methane, which regular plastic doesn't. methane, of course, contributes to increased greenhouse gases which aggravates climate change.

so, which is better? well, they both suck. just in different ways.

I tell the customers to decide what matters most to them (for me, i sacrifice taste and eat at chronic because i don't like to support amazon), and not worry too much about the rest. i also suggest they do research so they can make informed decisions, but as demonstrated above, sometimes it's the knowing too much that makes it impossible to make decisions!

articles about bioplastic here and here
fact sheet about bioplastic

i also want to emphasize that a lot of the bioplastic on the market isn't even 100% plant based plastic. something is considered bioplastic even if it's a blend of plant based and petroleum based plastics.

best for baby

I was at a baby shower over the weekend and boy did i feel out of place. it's been hitting me more often lately how my consumerist ways and therefore whole mindset has changed, and in the last year especially.

it's not just that I had to take out my reusable spork (to avoid plastic cutlery), use my water bottle (solo cups), not eat candy (plastic wrapping), or take a party favor (the absolute cutest fox cookies, but, alas, in a plastic bag with a metallic plastic twisty tie). one of the games (guessing prices of baby things) was especially hard. not just because i've never really looked at baby stuff before, but because I have, but the stuff I look at is all nearly plastic free and therefore at a different price point. also, these less waste people I now spend the majority of my time with make due with what they have using handmade all purpose salves instead of special nipple cream, wooden clothes pins you also use for chip bags and laundry instead of special plastic clips for binkies.

my major social circle is my work people. therefore, we're all pretty like minded. the people at the party are on a completely separate path. parents and soon-to-be-parents at the party were talking about a $1300 sound activated vibrating crib that is only good for about 6 months since your baby gets too heavy for it. they were talking about breast pumps where you pump into single use plastic bags and about subscribing to meal kits because you're so so so tired the first few months.

besides the financial impediments, i would likely never even consider these things because of the environmental effect. single use plastic bags for breast milk?! meal kits that use a ridiculous amount of packaging!! but everyone kept saying "you don't understand how tired you'll be..." but, I dunno man. i'm not saying it's ever easy, but maybe these people are tired because they think they HAVE to do this and that. so many women around the world give birth and go back to pretty much their regular lives the next day. so many kids live perfectly happy childhoods without millions of toys and clothes and binkies and absolutely adorable but pretty much unnecessary stuff.

when my boss gave birth she said something about how women innately know what's good and bad for babies. we've been having them for thousands of years, after all. and you know what? i pretty much agree. of course times are different now and there is different "bad" stuff that we just don't know about yet. but basically, I think a lot of knowledge is innate.

someone said how we're of the first generations where we have access to so much more info that what just our small community knows. we've got experts and their books and studies, mommy blogs, parenting chat rooms, the internet at large... there's no shortage of people telling you the what's best for baby.

the whole thing just makes me tired. it's like society is constantly telling you that you're just not good enough, that you can't do it right, and that, therefore, you will raise unhealthy, stupid, and unhappy children. ...unless you buy that $1300 vibrating crib thing.

do i sound gay?

i recently watched the documentary "Do I Sound Gay?"

i won't get too much into the premise other than that a guy, who is gay, worries that he sounds too gay. he does a bunch of interviews and visits two speech coaches.

apparently gay "sounds" like either, but apparently it's speaking with a lisp, increased nasality, enunciation, a wider pitch range, breathy voice, certain lengthened vowel sounds, and adding like an "s" sound to some non-s sounds. gay speech is also stereotyped as resembling women's speech, maybe because young gay boys hang out more with women (because straight guys make fun of them, beat them up, etc.)

so i'm curious. what about gay guys who grew up around men only? or straight guys who grew up surrounded only by women (one guy in the documentary did, and he has a very high pitched voice. i don't think his speech had the other stereotyped traits, but from pitch alone, he certainly sounded female)? and do gay russian or chinese or bolivian guys also "sound gay" the same way americans do? can people identify sexual orientation people speaking foreign languages? probably not, because we're not particularly good at correctly identifying sexual orientation from speech alone, even when it's all in english.

but i'm also curious about lesbians and everyone on the spectrum. do lesbians speak differently as well? and if there really is a "gay" characteristic of speech, how to bisexuals or asexuals, etc sound?

interesting blog post that addresses some of my questions. https://joeclark.org/soundinggay.html

more towels!

new count!
26 bed sheets, 7 pillow cases, 10 pillows, 11 blankets
15 small towels, 24 medium towels, 35 big towels
a dog toy, and a big bed, bath rug
3 cans cat food, hair brush, half bottle stain and odor remover 

this is all from tiffany's family!!! spring cleaning is no joke!

big thanks to ting who asked coworkers, and to tiffany who's family is doing some major spring cleaning. the two of them have collected the majority of the donations. :)

scars

i thought i had gotten out of my previous relationship almost completely unscathed. honestly, i still pretty much think it. but it's hard to end a 16 year relationship without holding onto some baggage. tho i only recently realized how bad it is.

i don't like to talk about feelings, particularly what's bothering me. i think i've always been that way. asian repression, maybe. but during the course of my last relationship, that habit got a lot worse. (no need to talk about why.) but now, when something bothers me, it still takes me weeks to bring it up. but the worst part is that i have to do it in the dark, and with my eyes closed, preferably laying down. it takes several minutes to come out, and i cry, and i shake, and it's weird how difficult it is.

i think i'm getting better tho. j is incredibly patient with me and gives me positive reinforcement after, which i need. i hope i continue to grow in this aspect. i hate that my presentation sometimes makes the issue much larger than it is.

scared

Guys ask why women are so pissed off. Even guys with wives and daughters. Jackson Katz, a prominent social researcher, illustrates why. He's done it with hundreds of audiences:

"I draw a line down the middle of a chalkboard, sketching a male symbol on one side and a female symbol on the other.
Then I ask just the men: What steps do you guys take, on a daily basis, to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted? At first there is a kind of awkward silence as the men try to figure out if they've been asked a trick question. The silence gives way to a smattering of nervous laughter. Occasionally, a young a guy will raise his hand and say, 'I stay out of prison.' This is typically followed by another moment of laughter, before someone finally raises his hand and soberly states, 'Nothing. I don't think about it.'
Then I ask the women the same question. What steps do you take on a daily basis to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted? Women throughout the audience immediately start raising their hands. As the men sit in stunned silence, the women recount safety precautions they take as part of their daily routine. Hold my keys as a potential weapon. Look in the back seat of the car before getting in. Carry a cell phone. Don't go jogging at night. Lock all the windows when I sleep, even on hot summer nights. Be careful not to drink too much. Don't put my drink down and come back to it; make sure I see it being poured. Own a big dog. Carry Mace or pepper spray. Have an unlisted phone number. Have a man's voice on my answering machine. Park in well-lit areas. Don't use parking garages. Don't get on elevators with only one man, or with a group of men. Vary my route home from work. Watch what I wear. Don't use highway rest areas. Use a home alarm system. Don't wear headphones when jogging. Avoid forests or wooded areas, even in the daytime. Don't take a first-floor apartment. Go out in groups. Own a firearm. Meet men on first dates in public places. Make sure to have a car or cab fare. Don't make eye contact with men on the street. Make assertive eye contact with men on the street.”

 ― Jackson Katz, The Macho Paradox: Why Some Men Hurt Women and How All Men Can Help (The first man to minor in women's studies at the University of Massachusetts-Amherst, holds a master's degree from the Harvard Graduate School of Education, and a Ph.D. in cultural studies and education from UCLA.)

i read this and related to the women, but, strangely, also very much to the men. honestly, i don't normally think about my physical safety, even when i travel alone.

from the above list, i only do two. 1. hold my keys in between my fingers to use as a weapon and 2. meet men on first dates in public places. the 1st i haven't done in years. I honestly don't remember the last time I did it. as for the 2. well, i don't date anymore. but when i used to i would put dating profile time, "real" name, phone number, and meeting place into my gcal so if i went missing, my friends could look up who i last went on a date with.

these lists make me wonder if 1. there's something wrong with me or 2. people (in this case, specifically women) aren't too scared. i too have been sexually assaulted. i suppose that it wasn't a violent thing by a stranger means i don't have an increased fear of random men. but i don't seem to have much of a fear of them at all?

i remember once saying to r that i don't know the last time i was scared of a person. i'm scared of all kinds of stuff, bugs especially. i also startle easily, and am not particularly brave, yet, most people seem harmless to me. i wonder why that is, and if i'll end up regretting not having that fear.

lorena

we watched the lorena bobbitt documentary on prime and it was... thought provoking. i'm not going to go too much into it because i don't have super strong opinions about it but:

- you come away from the documentary thinking that john is a real dumbass and most likely a real piece of shit person too. there are multiple allegations of abuse from several different women, a couple of which are really horrific. he completely denies everything and implies that the newer women are accusing him because he has a bad rep already. his testimony changes between trials, he's tried to capitalize off his mutilation (selling punny merch, porn, penis enlargement surgery, working at the bunny ranch...), and he writes these long creepy letters / fb messages / texts to lorena still. like, what the fuck. he's not a sympathetic character.

- you feel the opposite about lorena. her soft spoken-ness makes you want to believe her. and up thru today, she still works with domestic abuse groups. it's not like she's a perfect person without missteps, but you are made to feel that she's a good person. ...of course, the documentary is titled Lorena so it would likely either it would idolize or villainize her.

- women and men really did respond to the incident differently. men seemed to focus on the act of mutilation, while women were more interested in motive of it.

- i liked that they focused on domestic abuse. this trial is just ONE story from comes from millions of untold stories. that being said, i do wish they had kept it more gender neutral. PLENTY of women abuse their partners; not just men hurting women.

blackface

from my skimm this morning:

Gov. Ralph Northam…Last week, a photo in his 1984 med school yearbook surfaced where one person was in blackface and the other was in a Ku Klux Klan outfit. First, he apologized for it. Then, he backtracked, saying 'it wasn't me.' And said, 'well, I did dress up as Michael Jackson once.' He's refusing to resign even though people in his party are telling him to.

Lt. Gov. Justin Fairfax…Next in line to become governor. He came under fire after a woman accused him of forcing her to perform oral sex on him in 2004. Fairfax denies the allegations and says it was consensual.

Attorney General Mark Herring…If both Northam and Fairfax resign, he'd be next in line to become governor. Yesterday, he admitted to wearing blackface and a wig to dress up as rapper Kurtis Blow when he was in college in 1980. His admission came after rumors circulated that there was a blackface photo of him floating around.

i have a lot of questions about this. (i'm focusing on the blackface stuff, not the fairfax sexual assault):
1. is there / should there be a statute of limitations?
2. does age matter? someone wearing blackface as a child is different than as a college student or a fully formed adult.
3. is there an alternative to forcing someone out of office? can we make this a "teachable moment" rather than a public flogging? I mean, we can do the shaming thing too, but can we add another "moral of the story" rather than simply "don't ever do anything racist."
4. (and here i'm going to get a lot more controversial) is there ever acceptable blackface?

I see a difference between wearing blackface as a random black man standing next to a KKK member, and doing it as a Michael Jackson impersonator. in the latter, you're dressing up because you like Michael Jackson. you respect him as an artist. you're not necessarily playing up any racial stereotypes, you just want to look more like Michael. in the former, you are just plain being offensive.

I get that invoking historical racial stereotypes is bad. but let's say I wanted to dress up as actress lucy liu. her eyes are just a little bit smaller than mine. let's imagine that I taped mine back a bit to look more like her. is that racist? do I get a pass because i'm Chinese and she's Chinese too? on the other hand, if I taped my eyes back to look more Renee Zellweger, I imagine people would be less upset. she is white after all.

but, like, is it just POC who can get away with being racist? people do say that. but is it actually true? or, when coming from a POC, is it somehow not racist anymore? can I make fun of Chinese people only or all Asians? maybe only east Asians?

towels round up

big thank you to everyone who donated towels and more to keep our canine friends warm this winter!

together we collected: 7 bed sheets, 4 pillow cases, 4 pillows, 10 blankets, 10 small towels, 10 medium towels, 21 big towels, a toy, and a big bed!

since my coworker volunteers for the kennel club this collection drive will be ongoing, so if you ever have any items like these, please let me know :)