scars

i thought i had gotten out of my previous relationship almost completely unscathed. honestly, i still pretty much think it. but it's hard to end a 16 year relationship without holding onto some baggage. tho i only recently realized how bad it is.

i don't like to talk about feelings, particularly what's bothering me. i think i've always been that way. asian repression, maybe. but during the course of my last relationship, that habit got a lot worse. (no need to talk about why.) but now, when something bothers me, it still takes me weeks to bring it up. but the worst part is that i have to do it in the dark, and with my eyes closed, preferably laying down. it takes several minutes to come out, and i cry, and i shake, and it's weird how difficult it is.

i think i'm getting better tho. j is incredibly patient with me and gives me positive reinforcement after, which i need. i hope i continue to grow in this aspect. i hate that my presentation sometimes makes the issue much larger than it is.