learn something

from friends i learned that there's also word of day toilet paper (tho i can't actually find it online). and there's  whatyoucando365 which has daily short videos encouraging you to do simple things to make the world a better place. and tho i just discovered it, there's also a learn something trivial daily site too: learnsomethingeveryday. in and of itself, that might not be worth mentioning, except that the delivery of said facts is too cute!

james frey

i recently reread james frey's "a million little pieces" and i can't help but wonder why everyone was so mad that some parts were exaggerated. well, okay, i don't know how much of it isn't true, but i remember reading that most of it was and that just a few things were not (he shortened the time line, the length of time he spent in jail, how lilly killed herself...). if that's really the case then who really cares?! it was marketed as a memoir, not an autobiography (which, while not too different, is totally different). and even in many autobiographies certain names or details are altered in order to protect privacy. importantly, the main story of frey's book, the addiction and the recovery, are true. also most of the incidents are fully true (as corroborated by others). and most of the narrative are actually his own thoughts, and who's to say that he wasn't thinking those things?

yes, he might not have been as heroic or even as derelict as he said he was but the point remains: he got over his addictions without the help of a 12-step program. 

a friend of mine went to alcohol counseling after receiving a dui. and she said that they also pushed aa and it's 12 steps. as with frey, she also said that the 12-step program felt like replacing one addiction with another. and i've heard it from others too, they've been told that without the 12-steps they are bound to relapse. 

should i then, an athiest, be especially worried if i were to become an addict? apparently i will NEVER become sober! it's simply not possible! it's not just one or two of the twelve, but seven (seven!!) of the twelve steps mention something to do with a spiritual being outside myself. 

even the first time i read frey's book i really liked and identified with his philosophy of taking full responsibility for one's own decisions, actions, and addictions. maybe some people need a holy power to help them get over their addictions, but surely not everyone does. 

frey's story is a parable. just because it's not 100% accurate doesn't make it any less profound. even most christians don't believe that jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, but they don't then discard the entire bible. 

of course, i'm not saying that frey didn't do wrong when he lied in his memoir. certain changes to specifics (names, locations, dates) are allowed, and it's to be expected that some events will be downplayed or exaggerated but apparently he majorly altered the truth in certain parts of his book, which is a big no no in a work of what's supposed to be non-fiction. but he didn't deserve the massive public condemnation or oprah publically humiliating him on national tv.

felt & feathers

off all the world's talent, i think it's fair to say that etsy.com has more than it's fair share of talent. (awkward sentence, oh well). laura of larisa71, for instance, creates the most beautiful bib necklaces and brooches suing mostly felt and feathers. and for incredibly cheap too!

etsy store: larisa71
prices $10 - $20

animal testing

last month i read jeffrey moussaieff masson and susan mccarthy book "when elephants weep: the emotional lives of animals." and i got to thinking... certainly lots of animal activists are vegetarians, and many of them also don't use animal by-products like leather or elephant ivory. many of them also boycott products made by companies who do animal testing. but are there people who refuse medical treatment because of animal testing? i mean, obviously some people would refuse a porcine heart valve transplant since a pig very clearly had to die for you to get your heart valve. but what about testing for diseases and stuff?

i assume that in order to find out whether or not radiation was effective for treating cancer, scientists probably first gave animals cancer, then tested to see if radiation worked, and then tested more animals to see how much radiation was too much. i'm sure tons of animals died for this. so do some cancer patients today refuse radiation treatment?


although i have practically no medical knowledge whatsoever, i feel like probably many, if not most, medical treatments at sometime or another involved animal testing. so to be on the safe side, do some people forgo all modern medical treatment?

unfit for vampires

rip tweeted today "Just donated blood. First time in about 12 yrs. Been wanting to for awhile glad I got to. Nervous when the needle went in. All good now tho." yay!!! i'm so proud of him!

i too have always wanted to donate, but the red cross has certain restrictions. i don't fit the weight one. but since rip donated today i thought to look up the requirements to see if they had changed. and they have! but they don't apply to me...

apptly if you're under 19 there are new weight rules. "It used to be you just had to be more than 110 pounds to give.  But now, that's only true for girls who are 5’6” or taller. If you're 5'3'' you have to weigh 124 pounds, if you're 5’, 138 pounds. Bottom line: The smaller you are, the more you have to weigh. " [source]

so according to the chart, at (nearly) 5'4" i'm supposed to weigh 114lbs. a 4'10" girl needs to weigh at least 146lbs but anyone over 5'6" needs to only be 110lbs. ...does this make as little sense to you as it does to me?

there is an explanation though: "these new requirements take into consideration their actual blood volume, not just whether they're in good health and above 110 pounds."

well i'm glad the red cross considers a 5'10" girl who weighs only 110lbs healthy enough to give blood even though i, as an adult who is 5'4" and 105lbs, am unfit to donate!

compliments

rip does not like to receive "you look good" compliments, therefore he does not like to give them. this seems a bit unfair to me (after all, a compliment is about the receiver, not the giver), but still, it's not a big deal. except that now he basically said that from now on he will no longer be giving them at all.

i do not fish for compliments. i will, however, blatantly ask for them, lol. but seriously, if your boyfriend only ever seems to compliment you when he's getting lucky (or only gives "sexy" compliments), you probably would be bothered too. this compliments issue has come up a few times before. "once every couple years" rip says, i agree. i can't remember the decisions made before, but clearly, the issue isn't quite resolved yet.

i think when your significant other asks you to modify your behavior for them you should ask yourself (assuming that the request isn't crazy):
1. is this a big deal to me?
2. is this a big deal to them?
3. is this an easy fix?

in our case, we have the perfect mix of yeses and noes (no, yes, yes) for the story to end happily. however, this is rip we're talking about...

a few highlights from our conversation this time: "it's not like you're going to break up with me over this." um... no it wouldn't be for this alone anyway. "i did notice your earrings but i didn't like them." and then a short while later "i don't like your jacket or your shoes." ...wow. talk about going in another direction!

he did "give in" and say that he would start complimenting me. but, honestly, i don't want to force compliments out of him. i don't need him to lie. i neither have that low self-esteem, nor am i that high maintenance. it would just be nice to hear more than once every blue moon that he thinks i look pretty. and yet, he makes it seem like such a chore.

the thing is too, and i said this to him, that i want him to want to wash the dishes. (this is a line from "the breakup" and i quote it ALL THE TIME) he says that he usually doesn't want to wash the dishes. but he does want to sometimes, so he does, on the weekends. now if this were actually dishes we were talking about, then sure, wash them when you do, i'll do it otherwise. i actually like washing dishes. but this isn't about the dishes. i tell him that if he doesn't want to normally, then don't (not don't at all, just don't when you don't want to). i want you to want to, and if you don't want to, then forget it. and he says that from now on, he probably won't be doing the dishes much on the weekends anymore either because he feels weird about it.

i can't understand why he just doesn't want me to feel beautiful.

there have been SO many times in this relationship where i think "i'm really on my own." there are so many things i just can't depend on him for. and while he has really grown up in the last couple years (and i'm so proud of him for doing so), it's stuff like this that shows me that a part of him will always be entirely selfish.