compliments

rip does not like to receive "you look good" compliments, therefore he does not like to give them. this seems a bit unfair to me (after all, a compliment is about the receiver, not the giver), but still, it's not a big deal. except that now he basically said that from now on he will no longer be giving them at all.

i do not fish for compliments. i will, however, blatantly ask for them, lol. but seriously, if your boyfriend only ever seems to compliment you when he's getting lucky (or only gives "sexy" compliments), you probably would be bothered too. this compliments issue has come up a few times before. "once every couple years" rip says, i agree. i can't remember the decisions made before, but clearly, the issue isn't quite resolved yet.

i think when your significant other asks you to modify your behavior for them you should ask yourself (assuming that the request isn't crazy):
1. is this a big deal to me?
2. is this a big deal to them?
3. is this an easy fix?

in our case, we have the perfect mix of yeses and noes (no, yes, yes) for the story to end happily. however, this is rip we're talking about...

a few highlights from our conversation this time: "it's not like you're going to break up with me over this." um... no it wouldn't be for this alone anyway. "i did notice your earrings but i didn't like them." and then a short while later "i don't like your jacket or your shoes." ...wow. talk about going in another direction!

he did "give in" and say that he would start complimenting me. but, honestly, i don't want to force compliments out of him. i don't need him to lie. i neither have that low self-esteem, nor am i that high maintenance. it would just be nice to hear more than once every blue moon that he thinks i look pretty. and yet, he makes it seem like such a chore.

the thing is too, and i said this to him, that i want him to want to wash the dishes. (this is a line from "the breakup" and i quote it ALL THE TIME) he says that he usually doesn't want to wash the dishes. but he does want to sometimes, so he does, on the weekends. now if this were actually dishes we were talking about, then sure, wash them when you do, i'll do it otherwise. i actually like washing dishes. but this isn't about the dishes. i tell him that if he doesn't want to normally, then don't (not don't at all, just don't when you don't want to). i want you to want to, and if you don't want to, then forget it. and he says that from now on, he probably won't be doing the dishes much on the weekends anymore either because he feels weird about it.

i can't understand why he just doesn't want me to feel beautiful.

there have been SO many times in this relationship where i think "i'm really on my own." there are so many things i just can't depend on him for. and while he has really grown up in the last couple years (and i'm so proud of him for doing so), it's stuff like this that shows me that a part of him will always be entirely selfish.