i haven't put too much thought into my list but here are a couple things (besides the usual suspects:
- go to spain to eat tapas and see gaudi
- get a pixi cut or shave head entirely
- go skydiving, cliff diving, scuba diving, or snorkeling
- learn how to knit / crochet, use a potter's wheel, solder correctly, or weld
- make my own jam
- learn archery, rock climbing, knife-throwing, or how to throw a javelin
- at least once, watch all the current best picture nominations for an oscar
- more spelunking! ...well, more walking through caves anyway
- on a windmill tour (like this one)
Monday, December 27, 2010
Saturday, December 25, 2010
beardie
i never fail to be anything less than waaaaay impressed when i visit etsy.com. so rather than simply moon about it to myself and favorite things, i'm going to start putting them up on my site.
a few months ago i was a bit obsessed with breads. yarn beards. soooo cute!
a few months ago i was a bit obsessed with breads. yarn beards. soooo cute!
 |
| etsy store: i made you a beard felt beards ~$18 yarn beards $40 |
 |
| etsy store: delicious beards child beards $15 adult beards $25-30 |
Friday, December 24, 2010
fix the clones
51% americans think it's more likely scientists will clone dinosaurs in their lifetime than congress will fix social security - newsweek
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
save the rain!
a few months ago there was an article in the la times about resources conservation that mentioned rainwater harvesting (i know it's big in some australian communities, but know nothing about it stateside). i did some quick research and here's a short summary: for homes in the burbs, there are two main kinds of simple rainwater collecting: one that stems from your rain gutters, and the other really low tech way of regular plastic barrels with large openings on top. seeing as how it does rain much is so cal, the rain gutter way is the more practical and efficient way. for more info about the gutter way, including a pictorial how-to go here.
i seem to remember hearing that even during the rainy season, california is always suffering a drought. but with all the rain lately (it's rained like a week straight! and it isn't really intermittent either; it's all day long), i wonder if we (the govt, that is) are doing anything to try to hold onto the rain water.
i couldn't find any answers for that, but i did find out from the california energy commission website that "Energy represents the largest controllable cost of providing water or wastewater services to the public. California water and wastewater agencies spend more than $500 million each year on energy costs. [their italics and bold]" i also read on the national resources defense council website that "The California State Water Project is the largest single user of energy in California. In the process of delivering water from the San Francisco Bay-Delta to Southern California, the project uses 2 to 3 percent of all electricity consumed in the state."
i get that $500million a year isn't that much when compared to the rest of california's yearly budget. i also get that 2-3% is hardly anything at all. but we could be spending this money and energy on other things, no? and seeing as how southern california's rainy season is especially short you'd think we'd be trying to retain as much water as we could when we actually got it for free!
i seem to remember hearing that even during the rainy season, california is always suffering a drought. but with all the rain lately (it's rained like a week straight! and it isn't really intermittent either; it's all day long), i wonder if we (the govt, that is) are doing anything to try to hold onto the rain water.
i couldn't find any answers for that, but i did find out from the california energy commission website that "Energy represents the largest controllable cost of providing water or wastewater services to the public. California water and wastewater agencies spend more than $500 million each year on energy costs. [their italics and bold]" i also read on the national resources defense council website that "The California State Water Project is the largest single user of energy in California. In the process of delivering water from the San Francisco Bay-Delta to Southern California, the project uses 2 to 3 percent of all electricity consumed in the state."
i get that $500million a year isn't that much when compared to the rest of california's yearly budget. i also get that 2-3% is hardly anything at all. but we could be spending this money and energy on other things, no? and seeing as how southern california's rainy season is especially short you'd think we'd be trying to retain as much water as we could when we actually got it for free!
Sunday, December 19, 2010
drive tips
a friend of mind is organizing a food drive and asked me to help. and while looking up donation drop-off locations, i came across this tip sheet on how to effectively organize a successful food drive. this is the third drive i've helped organize so i've edited / added a few things so if you do a small drive of any kind (food, shoes, clothes...), hopefully this list will help. (i haven't done any large community drives so this tip sheet is missing a lot of info for that. but these basics should still hold.)
"Market" through your work, church, sports team... – This way you already have a good pool of people and you can have get in on the weekly announcements or emails already being sent out.
But if you go through your work, church, sports team... make sure you ask the higher ups for permission first! – It's unlikely your boss will say no to a food drive, but it's possible your company is already working on one. Even if there are no conflicts of interest, it's good to get your superiors involved. Besides, they can network to other departments as well.
During the drive
Have informative promotional materials – Make it clear which charity you'll be contributing to, include a list of most wanted items, provide a website or flier so people can learn more about the issue. Also encourage financial contributions for those who don't have material goods to donate.
Place your donation boxes and
After the drive
Before the drive
Do research – not every food bank (or whatever) is the same, i.e. they don’t all need the same stuff.
Do research – not every food bank (or whatever) is the same, i.e. they don’t all need the same stuff.
Contact the organization for tips and other information – your contact person may give you different information than what’s on their website. For instance, when I emailed soles4souls, my contact said that shoes in any condition were okay, but their website specified “gently used shoes.”
Determine the start date and duration of your drive – a shorter length is generally better, otherwise people will keep holding off on donations.
Set a goal – this will help you decide how much to publicize and how long to run it.
Get containers – a lot of organizations will provide them for you.
Consider a theme – example: Valentine's day - Give from the Heart
"Market" through your work, church, sports team... – This way you already have a good pool of people and you can have get in on the weekly announcements or emails already being sent out.
But if you go through your work, church, sports team... make sure you ask the higher ups for permission first! – It's unlikely your boss will say no to a food drive, but it's possible your company is already working on one. Even if there are no conflicts of interest, it's good to get your superiors involved. Besides, they can network to other departments as well.
During the drive
Have informative promotional materials – Make it clear which charity you'll be contributing to, include a list of most wanted items, provide a website or flier so people can learn more about the issue. Also encourage financial contributions for those who don't have material goods to donate.
Place your donation boxes and
After the drive
Remember to send out a thank you (email, poster, flier), which should include final results and how to help in the future.
Encourage other to help package everything up - A lot of people would like to see your project through, so let them.
Let your charity know how much you collected and when you are dropping it off or shipping it in so that they will be expecting you.
Encourage other to help package everything up - A lot of people would like to see your project through, so let them.
Let your charity know how much you collected and when you are dropping it off or shipping it in so that they will be expecting you.
Monday, December 13, 2010
efficiency (other stuff)
other simple ways make your "footprint" smaller:
- don't use disposible razors & use re-chargeable batteries
these are too obvious to explain!
- don't use plastic tampons
why plastic is even an option! cardboard biodegrades much faster and while it may be less "smooth" but unless you're doing it wrong, even with cardboard you'll never get a papercut. an even better option than tampons / pads is a mooncup; buy it only once and you can use it for the rest of aunt flo's life!
- use smarter toilet paper smarter
two smarters but at least four ways to save! unless you had an accident, you won't need a fistful of tp, so use as little as you need. you go several times a day, so that one or two extra squares really adds up. be sure to buy tp containing as much post-consumer product as possible; it's the 21st century, so green doesn't have to mean scratchy. and even awesomer, scott now offers a tube-free roll which doesn't have the cardboard tube in the middle. another option is to buy bleach-free tp. our tp is normally whitened using chlorine in not the most environmentally friendly processes. so be sure to get (starting with most environmentally friendly): unbleached, processed chlorine free (pcf) or totally chorline free (tcf). tp that is elemental chlorine free (ecf) or stuff using chlorine gas is no good! (source)
- get the largest size you can
if you're going to finish it anyway, why get little bottles? getting shampoo (toothpaste, cereal, detergent...) in the larger size means you'll cut down on packaging. but also you'll save $ since it's generally cheaper to get the large size , and even if not, you save on not having to drive back to the store so frequently.
and while the tsa only permits 3fl oz or less per item for your carry-on, that doesn't mean you can only buy that size. get it once and re-fill it with your regular product later. this is esp important because even when the bottles are recyclable, the sorting machines normally miss them cause they're too small. in other words, recyclable or not, most little containers end up in landfills!
- always decline extra packaging
if you're picking up only a couple things, why get a bag? or if you've already got one bag, why get another? this also means you can avoid other shoppers' dirty looks when you blunder into them with all your stuff. also, a lots places wrap your purchase in tissue paper. but unless this is a gift, you don't need that extra paper. and some places will wrap your glassware in tissue paper. but if you also bought a shirt, have them wrap your stuff in that instaed.
- give eco-packaged gifts, not cards
if you're giving a present, why not just include a name tag instead of a card? added bonus, you won't have to think up something witty or cute to write. also, while you can re-use old wrapping paper (which is, admittedly, a hassle), you can gift-wrap in other smarter ways by using unexpected materials: tissue paper (which is a lot easier to re-use), in-side-out paper shopping bags which you can customize with your own illustrative artwork, colorful plastic shopping bags, magazine papers, old fliers / posters, floral arrangement tissue cloths, old clothing cut up, the list goes on!
or if you're tired of your current wrapping paper, instead of buying a new roll, trade with a friend. that way you'll both have "new" wrapping paper!
- return used giftcards
most chain stores have their giftcard display right at the cash register anyway. so if you've finished yours, return it there.
- return dry cleaning "swag"
do you really need those filmy plastic protectors or cheapo wire hangers anyway? if you don't have time to return them on the spot, return the next time you dry clean something.
my list is pretty specific so obviously there's a ton of stuff i'm missing but i'm sure you get the point. our daily lives have so much unnecessary stuff that in nearly every aspect of our lives could we do doing something to better ourselves and the environment.
- don't use disposible razors & use re-chargeable batteries
these are too obvious to explain!
- don't use plastic tampons
why plastic is even an option! cardboard biodegrades much faster and while it may be less "smooth" but unless you're doing it wrong, even with cardboard you'll never get a papercut. an even better option than tampons / pads is a mooncup; buy it only once and you can use it for the rest of aunt flo's life!
- use smarter toilet paper smarter
two smarters but at least four ways to save! unless you had an accident, you won't need a fistful of tp, so use as little as you need. you go several times a day, so that one or two extra squares really adds up. be sure to buy tp containing as much post-consumer product as possible; it's the 21st century, so green doesn't have to mean scratchy. and even awesomer, scott now offers a tube-free roll which doesn't have the cardboard tube in the middle. another option is to buy bleach-free tp. our tp is normally whitened using chlorine in not the most environmentally friendly processes. so be sure to get (starting with most environmentally friendly): unbleached, processed chlorine free (pcf) or totally chorline free (tcf). tp that is elemental chlorine free (ecf) or stuff using chlorine gas is no good! (source)
- get the largest size you can
if you're going to finish it anyway, why get little bottles? getting shampoo (toothpaste, cereal, detergent...) in the larger size means you'll cut down on packaging. but also you'll save $ since it's generally cheaper to get the large size , and even if not, you save on not having to drive back to the store so frequently.
and while the tsa only permits 3fl oz or less per item for your carry-on, that doesn't mean you can only buy that size. get it once and re-fill it with your regular product later. this is esp important because even when the bottles are recyclable, the sorting machines normally miss them cause they're too small. in other words, recyclable or not, most little containers end up in landfills!
- always decline extra packaging
if you're picking up only a couple things, why get a bag? or if you've already got one bag, why get another? this also means you can avoid other shoppers' dirty looks when you blunder into them with all your stuff. also, a lots places wrap your purchase in tissue paper. but unless this is a gift, you don't need that extra paper. and some places will wrap your glassware in tissue paper. but if you also bought a shirt, have them wrap your stuff in that instaed.
- give eco-packaged gifts, not cards
if you're giving a present, why not just include a name tag instead of a card? added bonus, you won't have to think up something witty or cute to write. also, while you can re-use old wrapping paper (which is, admittedly, a hassle), you can gift-wrap in other smarter ways by using unexpected materials: tissue paper (which is a lot easier to re-use), in-side-out paper shopping bags which you can customize with your own illustrative artwork, colorful plastic shopping bags, magazine papers, old fliers / posters, floral arrangement tissue cloths, old clothing cut up, the list goes on!
or if you're tired of your current wrapping paper, instead of buying a new roll, trade with a friend. that way you'll both have "new" wrapping paper!
- return used giftcards
most chain stores have their giftcard display right at the cash register anyway. so if you've finished yours, return it there.
- return dry cleaning "swag"
do you really need those filmy plastic protectors or cheapo wire hangers anyway? if you don't have time to return them on the spot, return the next time you dry clean something.
my list is pretty specific so obviously there's a ton of stuff i'm missing but i'm sure you get the point. our daily lives have so much unnecessary stuff that in nearly every aspect of our lives could we do doing something to better ourselves and the environment.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
gifting
it's december, which means it's time to run around town buying gifts for people. i'm lucky in that 1. i don't have many people to shop for 2. some the people i do need to shop for have gift lists and 3. i only have one or two white elephant / secret santa things i do.
and maybe it's because i don't have many people to shop for that i try to get the best gift i can. i put a lot of thought into it and i price shop so i can get you as many things as possible! (i used to be very bad at gifting btw, it's only the last 10 something years that i've gotten better at it)
however very few people seem to care as much as i do. even when it comes to my best friends (and we do a secret santa thing so you only need to shop for one person. furthermore, we have online wish lists) i feel like i've gotten the short end of the stick a few times. and these are my best friends we're talking about! (and yes, mr snarkypants, they consider me to be one of their best friends too ::sticks out tongue::)
as for white elephant gifts. i don't cheat. i don't buy a bunch of random crap and throw it together. i also don't gift according to msrp. if i paid only $5 for something that normally retails for $20, i go buy another $15 worth of stuff to make up the difference (if the white elephant price is supposed to be ~$20, that is). i also take my time with these gifts and really try to think about what would be best suited for that group of people. if it's mixed gendered i'm not going to get something that's marketed to women only. and i also don't much like gag gifts, because i probably wouldn't want to get that myself.
example: i was considering getting exercise stuff this year (because a lot of the people at that party are members of sport teams). i went to marshalls (cause for $20 you can get a ton of stuff there) and looked at the exercise equipment. for $20 i could get three things, but i want to give a "complete" (or at least varied) workout. so i'm not going to give a kettle bell and a weighted medicine ball. i'm also not going to get you an exercise band with handles and another without. because, really, what's the point? also, i would like to get you items from the same brand, because that just looks nice (and with their selection, that would have been totally possible). however, the person i was shopping with was getting frustrated with my, er, choosiness. but i'm just giving what i would like to receive! and no, i don't necessarily know these people but still, i feel like you should always do your best at whatever your doing. or, haha, it's kind of karma too. if you can't be bothered to pick out a thoughtful gift, don't be pissed when you get something crappy.
anyway, i just wish that people would put more thought into things.
oh and btw, every year i've done this particular white elephant party, my gift has been stolen. usually to the max number of times allowed. which is a pretty damn good feeling. so if for nothing else, be thoughtful so you aren't embarrassed when some immature asshole makes a face in front of the whole group and says "...what is this? this present sucks."
and maybe it's because i don't have many people to shop for that i try to get the best gift i can. i put a lot of thought into it and i price shop so i can get you as many things as possible! (i used to be very bad at gifting btw, it's only the last 10 something years that i've gotten better at it)
however very few people seem to care as much as i do. even when it comes to my best friends (and we do a secret santa thing so you only need to shop for one person. furthermore, we have online wish lists) i feel like i've gotten the short end of the stick a few times. and these are my best friends we're talking about! (and yes, mr snarkypants, they consider me to be one of their best friends too ::sticks out tongue::)
as for white elephant gifts. i don't cheat. i don't buy a bunch of random crap and throw it together. i also don't gift according to msrp. if i paid only $5 for something that normally retails for $20, i go buy another $15 worth of stuff to make up the difference (if the white elephant price is supposed to be ~$20, that is). i also take my time with these gifts and really try to think about what would be best suited for that group of people. if it's mixed gendered i'm not going to get something that's marketed to women only. and i also don't much like gag gifts, because i probably wouldn't want to get that myself.
example: i was considering getting exercise stuff this year (because a lot of the people at that party are members of sport teams). i went to marshalls (cause for $20 you can get a ton of stuff there) and looked at the exercise equipment. for $20 i could get three things, but i want to give a "complete" (or at least varied) workout. so i'm not going to give a kettle bell and a weighted medicine ball. i'm also not going to get you an exercise band with handles and another without. because, really, what's the point? also, i would like to get you items from the same brand, because that just looks nice (and with their selection, that would have been totally possible). however, the person i was shopping with was getting frustrated with my, er, choosiness. but i'm just giving what i would like to receive! and no, i don't necessarily know these people but still, i feel like you should always do your best at whatever your doing. or, haha, it's kind of karma too. if you can't be bothered to pick out a thoughtful gift, don't be pissed when you get something crappy.
anyway, i just wish that people would put more thought into things.
oh and btw, every year i've done this particular white elephant party, my gift has been stolen. usually to the max number of times allowed. which is a pretty damn good feeling. so if for nothing else, be thoughtful so you aren't embarrassed when some immature asshole makes a face in front of the whole group and says "...what is this? this present sucks."
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
saturday night!
in lucky magazine: "buy clothes to wear on a tuesday afternoon, not a saturday night--few people lead saturday night lives"
Friday, December 3, 2010
movies
i love watching movies, tho i normally don't get to watch nearly as many as i'd like. the last few weeks, however i've watched tons!
500 days of summer - very cute! i liked it
harry potter and the half blood prince - (again) not bad
harry potter and the deathly hollows - okay, prob not great that i walked away most excited about the wedding dress being an alexander mcqueen tho. for someone who's never read the books, there were too many questions i was left with (to be answered in the next movie apptly [my friend who did read the series said so])
a single man - very beautiful, tho a bit slow. and quite heavy handed i thought. good tho.
an education - interesting movie. cute, but in a good way.
splice - very very weird. creepily sexual. lol, i knew it wasn't really going to be a "thoughtful" or "philosophical" movie, but, lol...
brothers - good. worth watching. it doesn't cover any new territory from other war movies, but it was well acted. best of the bunch.
super size me - funny. educational, but really, you just learn details. we already knew all this didn't we? ...tho of course i am watching this movie many years afer it's release (lol, there's one scene showing gas prices: $1.67) "every time i drive past a fast food place i'm going to punch my kid in the face"
500 days of summer - very cute! i liked it
harry potter and the half blood prince - (again) not bad
harry potter and the deathly hollows - okay, prob not great that i walked away most excited about the wedding dress being an alexander mcqueen tho. for someone who's never read the books, there were too many questions i was left with (to be answered in the next movie apptly [my friend who did read the series said so])
a single man - very beautiful, tho a bit slow. and quite heavy handed i thought. good tho.
an education - interesting movie. cute, but in a good way.
splice - very very weird. creepily sexual. lol, i knew it wasn't really going to be a "thoughtful" or "philosophical" movie, but, lol...
brothers - good. worth watching. it doesn't cover any new territory from other war movies, but it was well acted. best of the bunch.
super size me - funny. educational, but really, you just learn details. we already knew all this didn't we? ...tho of course i am watching this movie many years afer it's release (lol, there's one scene showing gas prices: $1.67) "every time i drive past a fast food place i'm going to punch my kid in the face"
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
personality
Bill Bryson in A Short History of Nearly Everything - "Protons give an atom its identity, electrons its personality."
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
delete?
i'm wondering what to do with some of my older blogs. i think i want to delete them, seeing as how i don't have an interest in updating anymore. but at the same time i feel like, well, it's not like it's doing anything that they're online. another thing is that i think (a)musing(s) was my 2nd oldest blog. my oldest one is no longer up because aol got rid of the blog features. anyway, i'll probably go thru them and save a few of my favorite posts, maybe transfer them to this blog. and delete it in a few weeks.
http://neurpssnapshots.blogspot.com/
http://neurpsamusings.blogspot.com/
btw, the reason i had so many blogs is because of my thing with organization and keeping things separate. this blog was about my personal life stuff, (a)musing(s) was funny / interesting random things found online, and snapshots was pretty / interesting things also randomly found online.
...i know, it's weird. but it's also one of the reasons i have so many email accounts now (like 7?) that i don't fwd into one email box. i do actually have to sign in and out of most of them. i feel like i can focus more on "work" if all the emails i'm looking at are from "work." and yes, i know you can fwd them all to one account, and the sort them visually so all you're looking at is one account, but i dunno... i prefer it separate.
edit: i imported all the musing's posts to this blog. i feel like there's less pressure to update if there's only one or two instead of three. i'll probably import all the snapshots later.
http://neurpssnapshots.blogspot.com/
http://neurpsamusings.blogspot.com/
btw, the reason i had so many blogs is because of my thing with organization and keeping things separate. this blog was about my personal life stuff, (a)musing(s) was funny / interesting random things found online, and snapshots was pretty / interesting things also randomly found online.
...i know, it's weird. but it's also one of the reasons i have so many email accounts now (like 7?) that i don't fwd into one email box. i do actually have to sign in and out of most of them. i feel like i can focus more on "work" if all the emails i'm looking at are from "work." and yes, i know you can fwd them all to one account, and the sort them visually so all you're looking at is one account, but i dunno... i prefer it separate.
edit: i imported all the musing's posts to this blog. i feel like there's less pressure to update if there's only one or two instead of three. i'll probably import all the snapshots later.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
get some
"girls talk shit because they think they know me. truth is, if i had a dick, they'd be the first to blow me."
closing the door
"weird" thing happened this morning... reep is leaving town again, this time to europe (paris then london then san fransisco)! so i drove him to his friend's place who is taking them to the airport (he's going to paris with a group of tekken guys [one of the reasons i'm not going. it's for a tourney so it's kind of a "business trip"]). anyway! so rip has this weird / bad habit of, when exiting the car to get his luggage from the trunk, leaving the passenger door open even though he's not going to get back into the car. normally it doesn't bother me, but this morning it was just after 7am so it was really cold!
so i called back at him "why didn't you close the door?!" and leaned over to close it myself. but he came back to close it. unfortunately the closing door hit my hand at a bad angle so my wrist was hurt. i wasn't hurt badly but it did hurt really bad, if you know what i mean.
since he was at the trunk (i have a hatchback) i told him what happened and he quickly apologized, took out his luggage, and left to put it in his friend's car. then he joked around or whatever with his friend for the next couple minutes while i stayed in the car massaging my wrist.
at this point i realized that "hey, he doesn't really care if i'm hurt, or even that he was the one who did it." nice, huh? for a boyfriend of 10 years...
the other night i re-watched "walk the line" (the movie with about johnny cash starring joaquin phoenix and reese witherspoon). in the proposal scene he says:
i hate hearing stuff like "i want to take care of you" and the whole "i'll never hurt you" thing just isn't possible, so i don't like to hear that either. but you know what? i'm really starting to appreciate the sentiment.
i know. i'm crazy. when people say impossible or untrue things for the sake of sentimentality i don't like it. and when people say it to me i call them out on it. (rip no longer says completely untrue things like "i've always liked you" or even "i'll love you forever")
at the same time, i know that he doesn't not care. and i also know that he likely doesn't ever want to hurt me. and still, his rather casual reaction to my injury this morning was not comforting.
i write this mostly because this comes at a weird time. we've been really great the last while. kind of a long time, really (besides that big fight we had in september). and i had recently started to really feel good about us. i was really going to miss him. i have been missing him. he's been traveling a lot lately and i'm still unemployed so... anyway. this came at a bad time. he's leaving for 2.5 weeks (much longer than usual). and seeing him joke around with his friend after knowing that he had just hurt my wrist (i mean, i sitting right there in the car, crying a little)... he came back and apologized again. and later when i called him at the airport, he was kind enough to remember to ask about it. and honestly, i wasn't hurt badly, not my wrist anyway...
so i called back at him "why didn't you close the door?!" and leaned over to close it myself. but he came back to close it. unfortunately the closing door hit my hand at a bad angle so my wrist was hurt. i wasn't hurt badly but it did hurt really bad, if you know what i mean.
since he was at the trunk (i have a hatchback) i told him what happened and he quickly apologized, took out his luggage, and left to put it in his friend's car. then he joked around or whatever with his friend for the next couple minutes while i stayed in the car massaging my wrist.
at this point i realized that "hey, he doesn't really care if i'm hurt, or even that he was the one who did it." nice, huh? for a boyfriend of 10 years...
the other night i re-watched "walk the line" (the movie with about johnny cash starring joaquin phoenix and reese witherspoon). in the proposal scene he says:
"Now I know I said and done a lot of things... that I hurt you, but I promise I'll never do that again. I only want to take care of you. I will not leave you like that Dutch boy with your finger in the dam."
i hate hearing stuff like "i want to take care of you" and the whole "i'll never hurt you" thing just isn't possible, so i don't like to hear that either. but you know what? i'm really starting to appreciate the sentiment.
i know. i'm crazy. when people say impossible or untrue things for the sake of sentimentality i don't like it. and when people say it to me i call them out on it. (rip no longer says completely untrue things like "i've always liked you" or even "i'll love you forever")
at the same time, i know that he doesn't not care. and i also know that he likely doesn't ever want to hurt me. and still, his rather casual reaction to my injury this morning was not comforting.
i write this mostly because this comes at a weird time. we've been really great the last while. kind of a long time, really (besides that big fight we had in september). and i had recently started to really feel good about us. i was really going to miss him. i have been missing him. he's been traveling a lot lately and i'm still unemployed so... anyway. this came at a bad time. he's leaving for 2.5 weeks (much longer than usual). and seeing him joke around with his friend after knowing that he had just hurt my wrist (i mean, i sitting right there in the car, crying a little)... he came back and apologized again. and later when i called him at the airport, he was kind enough to remember to ask about it. and honestly, i wasn't hurt badly, not my wrist anyway...
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
legalize it?
a friend of mine recently tweeted that "I have been arguing the legalization of drugs my whole life. Using pretty much every argument contained in this article: 'study: alcohol is the "most harmful drug," followed by crack and heroin'"
i replied back saying that using the same article he can also see why all drugs, including alcohol, should actually be banned. he responded with something about how women's logic should be banned.
misogynist snark aside, i think he does see my point. and i think most people can too.
in a related issue, i voted no on prop 19 (california's prop to legalize "various marijuana-related activities, allow local governments to regulate these activities, permit local governments to impose and collect marijuana-related fees and taxes, and authorize various criminal and civil penalties" [wikipedia]). ). i don't have anything against marijuana (besides that it smells like skunk). i think it's less dangerous than tobacco cigarettes. and i say this not because it's "natural" or whatever that argument is, but that marijuana isn't highly addictive. in fact, most users don't become addicted at all, even with long-term use. but i think that if the government is going to say that certain drugs are illegal (cocaine, meth) then everything in the same category should be illegal too.
so what about over-the-counter drugs (cough syrup, tylenol)? but i'm defining "bad drugs (and therefore should be illegal drugs)" as those which for most people the most common and obvious effect is a distortion of the actual reality, and it is exactly for these reasons that many people are motivated to take them. (i understand that tobacco {whether cigarettes or smokeless} is kind of an exception to this definition but in some way tobacco is worse. it doesn't provide a super obvious distortion of reality, and yet you become addicted anyway. and, of course, lots of people take tobacco to relax, so i am including it.) so yeah, that benadryl might make you sleepy, but 1. that doesn't happen for the huge majority of people and 2. nearly everyone taking benadryl just wants to get rid of their allergies. most everyone taking ecstasy isn't looking to get rid of depression (though taking e will make you happy).
another thing. the "people are going to do it anyway so let's just make it legal" argument is complete bullshit. if that way of thinking is correct, why don't we get rid of laws prohibiting murder, rape, torture, theft... i think you get my point.
one other bullshit argument people were using in favor of legalizing marijuana was something about taking money away from drug cartels. ...then shouldn't we also legalize opium and all other drugs (hella drug cartels there), murder (damn those assassins and hit men!), child prostitution (so their greedy adult pimps don't get money; the kids should pocket all the money they earn)...
i think the only good argument for legalizing marijuana is that it does seem to be less dangerous than other "drugs" which are currently legal: tobacco and alcohol. but honestly, isn't it better to ban all "bad drugs" rather than having these hazy debates about what evils aren't quite evil enough?
btw, a little about me. i'm a guilty drinker. for many years my boyfriend and i were teetotalers (he had his reasons and i went along wit it). but later i did start to drink everyone once in a while. a great while. in the 9 years we weren't drinking, i drank less than 10 times, probably less than 5 times even. but every time i did drink i felt really guilty about it. and even tho now we both drink (tho infrequently) i still feel bad about it. and it gets "worse." my dad drinks everyday, not to the point of getting drunk, i don't know if he's even tipsy, but it is everyday. i've seen him drunk only a couple times in my life, and i hated it. i know that i hold him to a higher standard (he is my dad afterall) but i cannot stand people who get puking drunk. and along with all this, i have semi-control issues anyway so seeing people losing control is especially disgusting to me. so even when i do drink now, i don't like getting tipsy. so, lol, maybe you can see why i can be so conservative as to consider banning all drugs, including alcohol.
i replied back saying that using the same article he can also see why all drugs, including alcohol, should actually be banned. he responded with something about how women's logic should be banned.
misogynist snark aside, i think he does see my point. and i think most people can too.
in a related issue, i voted no on prop 19 (california's prop to legalize "various marijuana-related activities, allow local governments to regulate these activities, permit local governments to impose and collect marijuana-related fees and taxes, and authorize various criminal and civil penalties" [wikipedia]). ). i don't have anything against marijuana (besides that it smells like skunk). i think it's less dangerous than tobacco cigarettes. and i say this not because it's "natural" or whatever that argument is, but that marijuana isn't highly addictive. in fact, most users don't become addicted at all, even with long-term use. but i think that if the government is going to say that certain drugs are illegal (cocaine, meth) then everything in the same category should be illegal too.
so what about over-the-counter drugs (cough syrup, tylenol)? but i'm defining "bad drugs (and therefore should be illegal drugs)" as those which for most people the most common and obvious effect is a distortion of the actual reality, and it is exactly for these reasons that many people are motivated to take them. (i understand that tobacco {whether cigarettes or smokeless} is kind of an exception to this definition but in some way tobacco is worse. it doesn't provide a super obvious distortion of reality, and yet you become addicted anyway. and, of course, lots of people take tobacco to relax, so i am including it.) so yeah, that benadryl might make you sleepy, but 1. that doesn't happen for the huge majority of people and 2. nearly everyone taking benadryl just wants to get rid of their allergies. most everyone taking ecstasy isn't looking to get rid of depression (though taking e will make you happy).
another thing. the "people are going to do it anyway so let's just make it legal" argument is complete bullshit. if that way of thinking is correct, why don't we get rid of laws prohibiting murder, rape, torture, theft... i think you get my point.
one other bullshit argument people were using in favor of legalizing marijuana was something about taking money away from drug cartels. ...then shouldn't we also legalize opium and all other drugs (hella drug cartels there), murder (damn those assassins and hit men!), child prostitution (so their greedy adult pimps don't get money; the kids should pocket all the money they earn)...
i think the only good argument for legalizing marijuana is that it does seem to be less dangerous than other "drugs" which are currently legal: tobacco and alcohol. but honestly, isn't it better to ban all "bad drugs" rather than having these hazy debates about what evils aren't quite evil enough?
btw, a little about me. i'm a guilty drinker. for many years my boyfriend and i were teetotalers (he had his reasons and i went along wit it). but later i did start to drink everyone once in a while. a great while. in the 9 years we weren't drinking, i drank less than 10 times, probably less than 5 times even. but every time i did drink i felt really guilty about it. and even tho now we both drink (tho infrequently) i still feel bad about it. and it gets "worse." my dad drinks everyday, not to the point of getting drunk, i don't know if he's even tipsy, but it is everyday. i've seen him drunk only a couple times in my life, and i hated it. i know that i hold him to a higher standard (he is my dad afterall) but i cannot stand people who get puking drunk. and along with all this, i have semi-control issues anyway so seeing people losing control is especially disgusting to me. so even when i do drink now, i don't like getting tipsy. so, lol, maybe you can see why i can be so conservative as to consider banning all drugs, including alcohol.
Monday, November 1, 2010
efficiency (energy)
simple ways to conserve energy (besides the usual or turning off lights when exiting the room):
i have this weird little rule where i let myself only have three things on at a time. so if i already have two lights and the radio on, i can't turn on anything else (the whole computer unit counts as one thing). or if i'm charging my phone, i only get the tv and vcr, no light! this actually helps me remain focused on my work too. how many of us are guilty of having watching the tv while doing something on the computer? you can only look at one thing at a time anyway, so why do you have multiple things on?
don't forget to unplug your non-daily use electronics / appliances. even if you're not using them, weirdly enough they still use energy. so unplug your chargers, radios, blenders, hair dryers, etc.
use power strips, and turn them off too! all my computer stuff is plugged into my power strip. and when i turn off the computer for the night, i turn off the strip as well.
use natural light! why turn on an electric light if you can just open your window blinds or drapes? i think a lot of people are so used to turning lights on that they dont' realize how bright it is already during the day. and i don't know about you, but i prefer the natural light over that yellow tinge or electric hum of light bulbs anyway. and this leads to the next one...
pee wit the light off, and in other similar situations... if you're a girl, you sit down, so all you really need is to see the toilet seat and toilet paper, do you really need the light on for that? and similarly, if you're opening the fridge to grab a snack, why do you need the kitchen light? the fridge already has one. i think you get the point. there's very little that you really need to see clearly and in full, bright light. so if you don't need it, don't bother.
also remember to only use hot water when necessary. not only will you save water, but it takes energy to heat up that water.
i have this weird little rule where i let myself only have three things on at a time. so if i already have two lights and the radio on, i can't turn on anything else (the whole computer unit counts as one thing). or if i'm charging my phone, i only get the tv and vcr, no light! this actually helps me remain focused on my work too. how many of us are guilty of having watching the tv while doing something on the computer? you can only look at one thing at a time anyway, so why do you have multiple things on?
don't forget to unplug your non-daily use electronics / appliances. even if you're not using them, weirdly enough they still use energy. so unplug your chargers, radios, blenders, hair dryers, etc.
use power strips, and turn them off too! all my computer stuff is plugged into my power strip. and when i turn off the computer for the night, i turn off the strip as well.
use natural light! why turn on an electric light if you can just open your window blinds or drapes? i think a lot of people are so used to turning lights on that they dont' realize how bright it is already during the day. and i don't know about you, but i prefer the natural light over that yellow tinge or electric hum of light bulbs anyway. and this leads to the next one...
pee wit the light off, and in other similar situations... if you're a girl, you sit down, so all you really need is to see the toilet seat and toilet paper, do you really need the light on for that? and similarly, if you're opening the fridge to grab a snack, why do you need the kitchen light? the fridge already has one. i think you get the point. there's very little that you really need to see clearly and in full, bright light. so if you don't need it, don't bother.
also remember to only use hot water when necessary. not only will you save water, but it takes energy to heat up that water.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
efficiency (h20)
rereading my last post made me want to also talk about other stuff you can do to help out the environment. cause maybe recycling isn't your thing. it can be pretty annoying having to drive all around town to drop off stuff at the proper place, and if you city already makes you sort your recyclables from your garbage, maybe what you're doing is good enough.
besides all the usual things people do (turn off the tap when brushing your teeth, only run the dish washer / laundry with full loads) i also do these simple things:
water:
i take pretty fast showers. i usually undress (as i wait for the water to warm up), shower, shampoo, shave, dress in less than 15 minutes. and luckily, our shower head has this cool button thing so you can "pause" the water (so i can shampoo / condition without immediately washing away my product). btw, i usually shampoo and condition first, so as i wait for my conditioner to soak in, i soap up the rest of my body, also with the water off. even if you don't have the pause button, just switching up your routine can help you be more efficient with water.
i don't recommend this for everyone, but i do it anyway because i do my sport on saturdays and sundays but i don't do my laundry saturday night. i wash my clothes in the shower. you're not supposed to use warm water when washing dry-fit stuff anyway, so i'll toss my clothes into the shower, get in, turn the water on, and and as i wait for the water to heat up, i hand wash my laundry. it's not super clean, but i'm going to wear it again the next day (after which i machine wash) so as long as it's clean enough...
i used to do this and will probably start again. keep an empty bucket in the shower. but make sure it only catches the clean water, which you can use to water plants with when you're done.
don't just rinse your produce, wash it in a little bucket thing so you can collect the water, which you can use to water your plants with. it'll also catch the dirt, bugs and small plant break-offs which i'm sure is good for your garden anyway. besides, if you wash your produce in a bucket you'll know when it's actually clean. you can rise your veggies for 5 minutes but how will you know when the water is running clear?
a few other super simple things: water your lawn at night. if you water during the day a lot of the water will evaporate before it gets to soak into the soil anyway. but if you do it at night the water will have a chance to actually reach the roots.
lather up your soap before you turn on the tap. you're supposed to wash your hands for however long it takes the sing the birthday song and you can't do it correctly if all the soap is being rinsed away from your hands anyway.
only use hot water when necessary. not only will you save the energy it takes to heat up the water, but you end up wasting a lot of cold water as well. if you need to use hot water, put a bucket under the tap to catch the cold water and use that to water plants / mop your floors...
besides all the usual things people do (turn off the tap when brushing your teeth, only run the dish washer / laundry with full loads) i also do these simple things:
water:
i take pretty fast showers. i usually undress (as i wait for the water to warm up), shower, shampoo, shave, dress in less than 15 minutes. and luckily, our shower head has this cool button thing so you can "pause" the water (so i can shampoo / condition without immediately washing away my product). btw, i usually shampoo and condition first, so as i wait for my conditioner to soak in, i soap up the rest of my body, also with the water off. even if you don't have the pause button, just switching up your routine can help you be more efficient with water.
i don't recommend this for everyone, but i do it anyway because i do my sport on saturdays and sundays but i don't do my laundry saturday night. i wash my clothes in the shower. you're not supposed to use warm water when washing dry-fit stuff anyway, so i'll toss my clothes into the shower, get in, turn the water on, and and as i wait for the water to heat up, i hand wash my laundry. it's not super clean, but i'm going to wear it again the next day (after which i machine wash) so as long as it's clean enough...
i used to do this and will probably start again. keep an empty bucket in the shower. but make sure it only catches the clean water, which you can use to water plants with when you're done.
don't just rinse your produce, wash it in a little bucket thing so you can collect the water, which you can use to water your plants with. it'll also catch the dirt, bugs and small plant break-offs which i'm sure is good for your garden anyway. besides, if you wash your produce in a bucket you'll know when it's actually clean. you can rise your veggies for 5 minutes but how will you know when the water is running clear?
a few other super simple things: water your lawn at night. if you water during the day a lot of the water will evaporate before it gets to soak into the soil anyway. but if you do it at night the water will have a chance to actually reach the roots.
lather up your soap before you turn on the tap. you're supposed to wash your hands for however long it takes the sing the birthday song and you can't do it correctly if all the soap is being rinsed away from your hands anyway.
only use hot water when necessary. not only will you save the energy it takes to heat up the water, but you end up wasting a lot of cold water as well. if you need to use hot water, put a bucket under the tap to catch the cold water and use that to water plants / mop your floors...
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
unrequited
claire messud - the emperor's children
"...she fails to take into account the emotions of the person whom she loves. She is, therefore, a poor lover, and your sympathy should be limited. ... It's narcissism, to love a wall and resent it for not loving you back. It's perversity. Love is mutual, it flourishes in reciprocity. You can't have real love without a return of affection--otherwise, it's just obsession, and projection. It's childish." [306-307]
while i can understand the sentiment, i wonder if it's actually true? it seems a bit harsh, doesn't it?
"...she fails to take into account the emotions of the person whom she loves. She is, therefore, a poor lover, and your sympathy should be limited. ... It's narcissism, to love a wall and resent it for not loving you back. It's perversity. Love is mutual, it flourishes in reciprocity. You can't have real love without a return of affection--otherwise, it's just obsession, and projection. It's childish." [306-307]
while i can understand the sentiment, i wonder if it's actually true? it seems a bit harsh, doesn't it?
Monday, October 18, 2010
drop in the bucket
i was thinking of how much i drive around town dropping off recycling, and it's kind of a lot! here is the list of things i collect for donations or recycling:
- plastic bags - grocery store, target
- aluminum cans, plastic / glass drink bottles - recycling center at supermarket (i get $ for this one tho)
- paper (including newspapers and all other kinds) - guy who picks it up once a week
- plastic or glass food containers - buddhist org in norwalk
- random plastic (generally from packaging) - godmother's house (their city has separate trash bins for plastic and other recyclables)
- batteries - la palma city hall
- e-waste - local e-waste recycling site
- packing material (peanuts, air packets) - old work (which does a lot of shipping)
- large cardboard - old work (people drive by and pick up cardboard)
- clothes hangers / large sponges - dragon boat equipment shed
- film canisters - costco
- cosmetics containers - origins counters / store
- toys - chinese school (they give out prizes to kids)
- shoes - souls4soles collection box at vans store
- glasses - lions club (current drive)
- hotel toiletries / other random travel sized toiletries - homeless shelter
- random non-perishable foods, plastic utensils - homeless shelter
- books / magazines / cds - la palma library
- clothes - my best friends and i are around the same size in clothing so we do swaps nearly every time we meet up
- random clothes and things - local drive-by pick-ups
- random beanies and gloves that i pick up on sale - random homeless people
- blankets - neighbor will be starting a drive soon
- prescription bottles - have started collecting, can't find who to donate to...
- my hair! - have donated to locks of love three times. :)
it's pretty crazy all the things you can recycle. but it's pretty damn annoying that not one place takes everything. like the recycling centers don't take paper, newspapers, milk jugs or like... glass soy sauce bottles, so i have to take them to the buddhist collection center (tho thank god i found them!). and i've started collecting my parents' empty prescription bottles but no one will take them! i'm actually pretty upset that kaiser permanente doesn't do anything about this... how many bottles do they fill a day? and how can they not have some sort of recycling / reusing program? a little more about this... so i went online to see where what i could do with the bottles and someone suggested calling local free clinics or veterinarian hospitals. i did that, and nope, none of the ones within a 15 mile radius of my house takes these things. gah!
- plastic bags - grocery store, target
- aluminum cans, plastic / glass drink bottles - recycling center at supermarket (i get $ for this one tho)
- paper (including newspapers and all other kinds) - guy who picks it up once a week
- plastic or glass food containers - buddhist org in norwalk
- random plastic (generally from packaging) - godmother's house (their city has separate trash bins for plastic and other recyclables)
- batteries - la palma city hall
- e-waste - local e-waste recycling site
- packing material (peanuts, air packets) - old work (which does a lot of shipping)
- large cardboard - old work (people drive by and pick up cardboard)
- clothes hangers / large sponges - dragon boat equipment shed
- film canisters - costco
- cosmetics containers - origins counters / store
- toys - chinese school (they give out prizes to kids)
- shoes - souls4soles collection box at vans store
- glasses - lions club (current drive)
- hotel toiletries / other random travel sized toiletries - homeless shelter
- random non-perishable foods, plastic utensils - homeless shelter
- books / magazines / cds - la palma library
- clothes - my best friends and i are around the same size in clothing so we do swaps nearly every time we meet up
- random clothes and things - local drive-by pick-ups
- random beanies and gloves that i pick up on sale - random homeless people
- blankets - neighbor will be starting a drive soon
- prescription bottles - have started collecting, can't find who to donate to...
- my hair! - have donated to locks of love three times. :)
it's pretty crazy all the things you can recycle. but it's pretty damn annoying that not one place takes everything. like the recycling centers don't take paper, newspapers, milk jugs or like... glass soy sauce bottles, so i have to take them to the buddhist collection center (tho thank god i found them!). and i've started collecting my parents' empty prescription bottles but no one will take them! i'm actually pretty upset that kaiser permanente doesn't do anything about this... how many bottles do they fill a day? and how can they not have some sort of recycling / reusing program? a little more about this... so i went online to see where what i could do with the bottles and someone suggested calling local free clinics or veterinarian hospitals. i did that, and nope, none of the ones within a 15 mile radius of my house takes these things. gah!
Saturday, October 16, 2010
locks of love
i started growing my hair out sometime last year because i wanted it long for g's wedding and i finally got it cut off today. yay! i donated about 12 inches of hair to locks of love. this is actually the 4th time i had a dramatic cut, but only the 3rd time i've donated, which is a shame. :( anyway, no before or after pictures (we forgot to get one of the before so there's no point in posting an after). but here's one of my hair:
btw, while locks of love requires a minimum of 10 inches. but pantene's beautiful lengths only require 8 inches, so don't despair if you're a little short.
btw, while locks of love requires a minimum of 10 inches. but pantene's beautiful lengths only require 8 inches, so don't despair if you're a little short.
Monday, October 4, 2010
level with me
it's been nearly a week now and we still haven't really talked. i was upset for two days, then on saturday i was feeling kind of down cause i had an interesting day but i couldn't share it with him. yesterday and today i'm... i dunno. my friends ask if i'm okay, and i am. i think that i could really go either way on this stay together or break up issue. that sounds weird maybe, cause we've been together for 10 years (we just passed out 10 year mark a couple weeks ago) but while functional, we're clearly not a great fit. i dunno. i definitely want to resolve this but...
saturday night, i think, was the turning point. i was feeling kind of down so i went out to a special place that he and i share. and when i was there, the absolute most amazing thing happened. i mean, yes, it's natural and nothing at all magical or whatever but it was so freaking awesome. i dunno. it put me in a really happy mood and i haven't been sad since. the world is full of good stuff. and nature fucking rocks. :)
saturday night, i think, was the turning point. i was feeling kind of down so i went out to a special place that he and i share. and when i was there, the absolute most amazing thing happened. i mean, yes, it's natural and nothing at all magical or whatever but it was so freaking awesome. i dunno. it put me in a really happy mood and i haven't been sad since. the world is full of good stuff. and nature fucking rocks. :)
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
hollow man
i don't remember much from "the wizard of oz" but i think l. frank baum chose correctly when he made the heartless one a tin man. not in that it's a man (christ, i'm not that sexist), but how he's made of tin. it's weird how when you're very deeply hurt you can actually feel your heart. it's a physical thing. your chest feels hollow. and... everything is more flat. the moment of the initial blow, you feel / hear / think nothing else but of how differently your heart feels now. and worse yet, your heart aches for the rest of the "mourning" period (heart ache, there's another one that was hit on the head).
maybe i'm weird, but normally after something bad happens to me i just feel sad (this is specifically about relationships). i don't feel angry. just sad. and hollow. and different. afterward i kind of wait to see how i'm going to feel next. i think that after your first reaction, most of everything else is voluntary. you can choose to become angry, or sad, or forgiving.
a few nights ago something happened. that initial moment was a killer. it was... infinite sorrow. and after... i was hollow. normally after this sort of thing i like to get away and process. unfortunately i couldn't get away in that situation. and the next day, i still felt hollow, but i was totally functioning, you know? then something else semi-related happened and i just... and i didn't really react to it. i was still just sort of waiting.
today i was asked to talk about it. and i didn't want to. i felt like i hadn't yet put enough distance between me and the event. i hadn't talked to a friend about it yet. i hadn't worked through how i was feeling. or even how i wanted to feel. how i was going to choose to act about it. of course, i didn't get to not talk about it. and i fucking erupted. i was really really goddamn angry.
i'm not actually angry tho. i think. i'm not sure. he didn't say this, but i think he thinks that once i make my mind up about something, i stick to it and it doesn't matter what he says he was doing / saying / meant. and so he wants to explain things away, right away. and maybe i do make up my mind unfairly and without his input. but i try to take a lot of time to think about / wait for how i really feel about the situation. i run it thru in my mind. why it happened. why he did it. what it really means to him, to me, for us. i like to take my time. and when i'm denied that time to process i don't have anything else but sheer primal feelings.
and honestly. i sometimes feel like it doesn't matter why. you did it, that's all. or you lied, and that's it. it's not why you lied, or why you felt like you should, or what truth your lie was covering up. all i heard was your lie, and so that's all that matters. ...this of course doesn't work in most situations. people are too complicated, you know? i think rarely is something done out of only one motive. but sometimes you're just so damn tired of figuring things out that you decide to stay with the initial moment. that moment when you know you saw something true.
maybe i'm weird, but normally after something bad happens to me i just feel sad (this is specifically about relationships). i don't feel angry. just sad. and hollow. and different. afterward i kind of wait to see how i'm going to feel next. i think that after your first reaction, most of everything else is voluntary. you can choose to become angry, or sad, or forgiving.
a few nights ago something happened. that initial moment was a killer. it was... infinite sorrow. and after... i was hollow. normally after this sort of thing i like to get away and process. unfortunately i couldn't get away in that situation. and the next day, i still felt hollow, but i was totally functioning, you know? then something else semi-related happened and i just... and i didn't really react to it. i was still just sort of waiting.
today i was asked to talk about it. and i didn't want to. i felt like i hadn't yet put enough distance between me and the event. i hadn't talked to a friend about it yet. i hadn't worked through how i was feeling. or even how i wanted to feel. how i was going to choose to act about it. of course, i didn't get to not talk about it. and i fucking erupted. i was really really goddamn angry.
i'm not actually angry tho. i think. i'm not sure. he didn't say this, but i think he thinks that once i make my mind up about something, i stick to it and it doesn't matter what he says he was doing / saying / meant. and so he wants to explain things away, right away. and maybe i do make up my mind unfairly and without his input. but i try to take a lot of time to think about / wait for how i really feel about the situation. i run it thru in my mind. why it happened. why he did it. what it really means to him, to me, for us. i like to take my time. and when i'm denied that time to process i don't have anything else but sheer primal feelings.
and honestly. i sometimes feel like it doesn't matter why. you did it, that's all. or you lied, and that's it. it's not why you lied, or why you felt like you should, or what truth your lie was covering up. all i heard was your lie, and so that's all that matters. ...this of course doesn't work in most situations. people are too complicated, you know? i think rarely is something done out of only one motive. but sometimes you're just so damn tired of figuring things out that you decide to stay with the initial moment. that moment when you know you saw something true.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
simone de beauvoir - a very easy death
"I do not blame my father. It is tolerably well known that in men habit kills desire. Maman had lost her first freshness and he his ardour." [36]
"'If you had not lost your faith death would not terrify you so,' wrote the devout, with rancorous commiseration... And inwardly I told them all that they were wrong... Whether you think of it as heavenly or as earthly, if you love life immortality is no consolation for death." [92]
"'A corpse no longer means anything.'" [97]
"We were taking part in a dress rehearsal for our own burial. The misfortune is that although everyone must come to this, each experiences the adventure in solitude. We never left Maman during those last days which she confused with convalescence and yet we were profoundly separated from her." [99-100]
"I do not blame my father. It is tolerably well known that in men habit kills desire. Maman had lost her first freshness and he his ardour." [36]
"'If you had not lost your faith death would not terrify you so,' wrote the devout, with rancorous commiseration... And inwardly I told them all that they were wrong... Whether you think of it as heavenly or as earthly, if you love life immortality is no consolation for death." [92]
"'A corpse no longer means anything.'" [97]
"We were taking part in a dress rehearsal for our own burial. The misfortune is that although everyone must come to this, each experiences the adventure in solitude. We never left Maman during those last days which she confused with convalescence and yet we were profoundly separated from her." [99-100]
Sunday, September 12, 2010
two in one!
obviously, this is a photo of albert einstein. but get about 10 feet back of your computer screen and who do you see now?!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
it only takes a second
Men take a fraction of a second to decide if they are attracted to a woman or not – but they should not be called shallow because they are genetically programmed to do so, scientists say.
Men weigh up potential partners almost instantaneously based on their appearance because their “ancient” genetic preference for attractive mates leads them to, experts claim.
According to research, a woman with an attractive face is taken by men to be fertile and able to continue the family line, appealing to the man’s survival instinct.
In contrast women take longer to decide their feelings for a man because they need to weigh up whether he will be a committed partner who will provide for them well – part of their survival programming.
Professor Mark van Vugt and Dr Johanna van Hooff, from the University of Amsterdam, and postgraduate student Helen Crawford, from the University of Kent, were behind the study which is to be published by the Oxford Journal Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience.
They tested men and women’s bias towards looks by conducting a series of tests on 20 women and 20 men, making them perform tasks while recording their brain activity.
While the subjects were doing the task they were shown a series of photographs of faces of the opposite sex, ranging from attractive to ugly.
Men were easily distracted when they saw a pretty face but women stuck to the task.
Prof van Vugt said: “Men definitely have the most wandering eye but it is because they have evolved to pay attention to cues of fertility and one of those cues is facial beauty – it’s not that men are shallow.
“But we found they do make snap judgments about women, much earlier than was previously thought. They make that decision on whether a woman would be a good mating partner in milliseconds.
“This is something very ancient and a way of helping men find the best mate to produce children.
“Women were not distracted by attractive male faces because women need more proof of whether a man is a good mate.
“Women make that decision on behavior, whether a man is trustworthy and committed. They make their decision much later than men.”
source
Men weigh up potential partners almost instantaneously based on their appearance because their “ancient” genetic preference for attractive mates leads them to, experts claim.
According to research, a woman with an attractive face is taken by men to be fertile and able to continue the family line, appealing to the man’s survival instinct.
In contrast women take longer to decide their feelings for a man because they need to weigh up whether he will be a committed partner who will provide for them well – part of their survival programming.
Professor Mark van Vugt and Dr Johanna van Hooff, from the University of Amsterdam, and postgraduate student Helen Crawford, from the University of Kent, were behind the study which is to be published by the Oxford Journal Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience.
They tested men and women’s bias towards looks by conducting a series of tests on 20 women and 20 men, making them perform tasks while recording their brain activity.
While the subjects were doing the task they were shown a series of photographs of faces of the opposite sex, ranging from attractive to ugly.
Men were easily distracted when they saw a pretty face but women stuck to the task.
Prof van Vugt said: “Men definitely have the most wandering eye but it is because they have evolved to pay attention to cues of fertility and one of those cues is facial beauty – it’s not that men are shallow.
“But we found they do make snap judgments about women, much earlier than was previously thought. They make that decision on whether a woman would be a good mating partner in milliseconds.
“This is something very ancient and a way of helping men find the best mate to produce children.
“Women were not distracted by attractive male faces because women need more proof of whether a man is a good mate.
“Women make that decision on behavior, whether a man is trustworthy and committed. They make their decision much later than men.”
source
Friday, September 3, 2010
sharing is caring
from tracy kidder's mountains beyond mountains: the quest of dr paul farmer, a man who would cure the world":
How could a just God permit great misery? The Haitians peasants answered with a proverb: "Bondye konn bay, men li pa konn separe, "in literal translation, "God gives but doesn't share." This meant, as Farmer would later explain it, "God gives us humans everything we need to flourish, but he's not the one who's supposed to divvy up the loot. That charge was laid upon us."
i send that above quotation to some friends and one replied that "...it's sad, cause it seems to come down to a few things, with corruption and without democracy, people will continue to starve in other countries. even when we share and donate stuff to corrupt countries, it's not used to distribute to the people in need, but to further solidify those in power."
my reply was:
i don't know how much democracy has to do with it (but then, i know very little about poli sci). i agree that corruption (both in govts and charitable orgs, and in individuals!) taints everything!
i was talking to a friend the other day about the "billionaire's pledge":
but back to your thing about corruption, tons of the non-profits that people donate to have such a high overhead (or embezzling, whatever) that of the, say $100 that you donate, only maybe... $65 actually goes to help someone. so who would even want to donate to these orgs? problem is that you really don't know who you're "helping" anymore. so i know of lot of people use that as a excuse and not donate at all. which soooo does not help. :(
i've come to think that... i don't want to change the world. i don't want to change someone's whole life. ...well, not that i actually don't want to, but... i just want to make at least one person's single moment in life a little bit better. so when i did my shoe drive, or my current eye glasses drive, if at one person who honestly deserves it will be helped (and of course there will be! it's just the odds, you know? collect ~300 pairs of shoes, at least one person who needs it is going to get a pair!). then that's good enough for me. :)
basically, other people doing bad cannot prevent you from trying to do good.
How could a just God permit great misery? The Haitians peasants answered with a proverb: "Bondye konn bay, men li pa konn separe, "in literal translation, "God gives but doesn't share." This meant, as Farmer would later explain it, "God gives us humans everything we need to flourish, but he's not the one who's supposed to divvy up the loot. That charge was laid upon us."
i send that above quotation to some friends and one replied that "...it's sad, cause it seems to come down to a few things, with corruption and without democracy, people will continue to starve in other countries. even when we share and donate stuff to corrupt countries, it's not used to distribute to the people in need, but to further solidify those in power."
my reply was:
i don't know how much democracy has to do with it (but then, i know very little about poli sci). i agree that corruption (both in govts and charitable orgs, and in individuals!) taints everything!
i was talking to a friend the other day about the "billionaire's pledge":
"German shipping millionaire Peter Kramer feels that it would better if the billionaires kept their money and let the government collect the revenue via taxes. Kramer believes that the government would use the money more effectively by putting it to work directly in local communities. He thinks that the giving pledge is a way for the ultra rich to avoid taxes and donate to their favorite interests and hobbies. Many of the rich feel that the government and other organizations are the best vehicles for charitable endeavors."i agree with kramer (not entirely, but i totally get it). i've always thought that if i were super rich i wouldn't create my own charity thing, i'd give my money to an existing one cause it takes a lot of overhead to create a new one and what wrong with an already established fund? i know a lot of people are like "it's my money, so i want to spend it exactly the way i want to" which is true. but... in the end aren't you really just helping the same people? except now there will be fewer duplicated efforts in getting that money to those people.
but back to your thing about corruption, tons of the non-profits that people donate to have such a high overhead (or embezzling, whatever) that of the, say $100 that you donate, only maybe... $65 actually goes to help someone. so who would even want to donate to these orgs? problem is that you really don't know who you're "helping" anymore. so i know of lot of people use that as a excuse and not donate at all. which soooo does not help. :(
i've come to think that... i don't want to change the world. i don't want to change someone's whole life. ...well, not that i actually don't want to, but... i just want to make at least one person's single moment in life a little bit better. so when i did my shoe drive, or my current eye glasses drive, if at one person who honestly deserves it will be helped (and of course there will be! it's just the odds, you know? collect ~300 pairs of shoes, at least one person who needs it is going to get a pair!). then that's good enough for me. :)
basically, other people doing bad cannot prevent you from trying to do good.
Monday, August 30, 2010
support
i have a friend whose husband is pretty awesome. he supports her in everything she does, it seems like. and when she has a major complaint about something, she tells him and he immediately goes and puts effort into making her happy. she complains about being the only one really doing housework / meal stuff, and the very next night he makes dinner. that's damn cool.
i don't feel like i get nearly as much support from my sig other. i complain about something big and he argues with me. that i'm wrong and shouldn't feel that way. very occasionally he'll agree but he generally doesn't get on it and "fix" it right away.
a couple random things: 1. for my shoe drive, he didn't donate anything and i don't think he asked his friends or family either. he also didn't help with packing the shoes up (which even my boss helped with). 2. he rarely, if ever, seems to encourage me. to go back to school, do charity work, volunteer with db, go to china, continue with ta-ing... don't you want me to be a better person? i feel like i support him. i don't go to tournaments very often, but i made him a shirt, i helped him buy props for his video taping, i brainstormed ideas on what i could make for his video taping, i encouraged him to find a new place to tape (i even volunteered my boss's office tho i didn't clear that with him), i wake him up for his tourneys, if he's tired and is thinking of skipping the tourney i tell him that he should go (even if we would hang out if he ditched), i found (with some difficulty) and bought him action figure things from taiwan, i encourage him to travel for tourneys and take on new responsibilities... the list goes on.
you might be thinking "what about dragon boating? he doesn't love it, and yet he's done it nearly as long as you have. obviously that's him supporting you." but we talked about this before and he said that he doesn't do it for me, he does it because of tom. now, i haven't been able to test this, as tom has also being dbing forever, but let's just assume it still stands since he'd never said otherwise.
recently i complained about our money situation. i'm basically not working (i tutor occasionally) he's only working part-time, tho he have a number of side projects he gets paid for (either work stuff or winnings from tekken tourneys). we normally don't quite go dutch. someone will pay for the whole thing and the other will throw in cash for their share. but it seemed like for quite some time, i would pay for something and he wouldn't chip in, whereas when he paid i nearly always gave him money back for my share. and i felt like altho i had a much lower income, i was paying for quite a bit more than half of our expenses. he explained that this was because i'm too fast with my credit card (and i do tend to take out my card / money when i'm in line beforehand). and since he didn't like arguing for the check, he let me pay. ... i dunno... this seems like a reasonable explanation, yet it's pretty weak and rather uncool. anyway, he's changed his ways and he's been so generous it's made me uncomfortable. i actually talked to him again to clarify that i wasn't asking him to pay 80, 90%, just 50 or even 55% if he felt so inclined. either way, it's been pretty nice.
maybe we've turned a new leaf.
i don't feel like i get nearly as much support from my sig other. i complain about something big and he argues with me. that i'm wrong and shouldn't feel that way. very occasionally he'll agree but he generally doesn't get on it and "fix" it right away.
a couple random things: 1. for my shoe drive, he didn't donate anything and i don't think he asked his friends or family either. he also didn't help with packing the shoes up (which even my boss helped with). 2. he rarely, if ever, seems to encourage me. to go back to school, do charity work, volunteer with db, go to china, continue with ta-ing... don't you want me to be a better person? i feel like i support him. i don't go to tournaments very often, but i made him a shirt, i helped him buy props for his video taping, i brainstormed ideas on what i could make for his video taping, i encouraged him to find a new place to tape (i even volunteered my boss's office tho i didn't clear that with him), i wake him up for his tourneys, if he's tired and is thinking of skipping the tourney i tell him that he should go (even if we would hang out if he ditched), i found (with some difficulty) and bought him action figure things from taiwan, i encourage him to travel for tourneys and take on new responsibilities... the list goes on.
you might be thinking "what about dragon boating? he doesn't love it, and yet he's done it nearly as long as you have. obviously that's him supporting you." but we talked about this before and he said that he doesn't do it for me, he does it because of tom. now, i haven't been able to test this, as tom has also being dbing forever, but let's just assume it still stands since he'd never said otherwise.
recently i complained about our money situation. i'm basically not working (i tutor occasionally) he's only working part-time, tho he have a number of side projects he gets paid for (either work stuff or winnings from tekken tourneys). we normally don't quite go dutch. someone will pay for the whole thing and the other will throw in cash for their share. but it seemed like for quite some time, i would pay for something and he wouldn't chip in, whereas when he paid i nearly always gave him money back for my share. and i felt like altho i had a much lower income, i was paying for quite a bit more than half of our expenses. he explained that this was because i'm too fast with my credit card (and i do tend to take out my card / money when i'm in line beforehand). and since he didn't like arguing for the check, he let me pay. ... i dunno... this seems like a reasonable explanation, yet it's pretty weak and rather uncool. anyway, he's changed his ways and he's been so generous it's made me uncomfortable. i actually talked to him again to clarify that i wasn't asking him to pay 80, 90%, just 50 or even 55% if he felt so inclined. either way, it's been pretty nice.
maybe we've turned a new leaf.
Friday, August 27, 2010
god provides
from tracy kidder's mountains beyond mountains: the quest of dr paul farmer, a man who would cure the world":
How could a just God permit great misery? The Haitians peasants answered with a proverb: "Bondye konn bay, men li pa konn separe, "in literal translation, "God gives but doesn't share." This meant, as Farmer would later explain it, "God gives us humans everything we need to flourish, but he's not the one who's supposed to divvy up the loot. That charge was laid upon us."
How could a just God permit great misery? The Haitians peasants answered with a proverb: "Bondye konn bay, men li pa konn separe, "in literal translation, "God gives but doesn't share." This meant, as Farmer would later explain it, "God gives us humans everything we need to flourish, but he's not the one who's supposed to divvy up the loot. That charge was laid upon us."
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
giving sight
an email that i sent out to some friends regarding an eyeglasses drive i'm doing:
Some of you may know that I recently got lasik, so I've been going through my old contact "equipment" and giving away unused solution, cases, etc. Anyway, I can't exactly give away my old glasses to one of my friends, but I know that someone somewhere can use them, which got me to thinking that I should do another drive.
I've picked the Lions Club because they have a long history of fighting blindness and vision impairment. As for the drive, not only do they take regular glasses, but they also take multi-visions (bifocals and trifocals). They even take on-prescription sunglasses! You don't need to know the prescription, and your glasses can be broken or missing the lenses, it doesn't matter. They will use what they can and recycle the rest. They are in special need of children's glasses, so please dig deep in those closets and find them. They will distribute donations both locally and internationally so you know that someone somewhere will be thanking you!
To get your glasses to me, please just email me in the next week or so and I'll come by and pick them up from you. Thanks for your help!
To learn more about the Lion's Club program:
http://www.lionsclubs.org/EN/
Some of you may know that I recently got lasik, so I've been going through my old contact "equipment" and giving away unused solution, cases, etc. Anyway, I can't exactly give away my old glasses to one of my friends, but I know that someone somewhere can use them, which got me to thinking that I should do another drive.
I've picked the Lions Club because they have a long history of fighting blindness and vision impairment. As for the drive, not only do they take regular glasses, but they also take multi-visions (bifocals and trifocals). They even take on-prescription sunglasses! You don't need to know the prescription, and your glasses can be broken or missing the lenses, it doesn't matter. They will use what they can and recycle the rest. They are in special need of children's glasses, so please dig deep in those closets and find them. They will distribute donations both locally and internationally so you know that someone somewhere will be thanking you!
To get your glasses to me, please just email me in the next week or so and I'll come by and pick them up from you. Thanks for your help!
To learn more about the Lion's Club program:
http://www.lionsclubs.org/EN/
Friday, July 16, 2010
average woman
the average american woman wears a size 14. and according to the cdc, she's 5'3", 164.7 pounds, and has a 37" waist. this comes out to a bmi of 29.2.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
lyrics
civil twilight - letters from the sky
one of these days the sky's gonna break
and everything will escape, and i'll know
one of these days the mountains are gonna fall
into the sea, and they'll know
that you and i were made for this
i was made to taste your kiss
we were made to never fall away
never fall away
one of these days letters are gonna fall
from the sky telling us all to go free
but until that day i'll find a way to let everybody know
that you're coming back, you're coming back for me
'cause even though you left me here
i have nothing left to fear
these are only walls that hold me here
hold me here, hold me here
one day soon i'll hold you like the sun holds the moon
and we will hear those planes overhead
and we won't have to be scared
we won't have to be, we won't have to be scared
you're coming back for me
you're coming back for me
you're coming back to me
and everything will escape, and i'll know
one of these days the mountains are gonna fall
into the sea, and they'll know
that you and i were made for this
i was made to taste your kiss
we were made to never fall away
never fall away
one of these days letters are gonna fall
from the sky telling us all to go free
but until that day i'll find a way to let everybody know
that you're coming back, you're coming back for me
'cause even though you left me here
i have nothing left to fear
these are only walls that hold me here
hold me here, hold me here
one day soon i'll hold you like the sun holds the moon
and we will hear those planes overhead
and we won't have to be scared
we won't have to be, we won't have to be scared
you're coming back for me
you're coming back for me
you're coming back to me
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
where the wild things are
i loved the book as a kid, and when i heard it was being adapted for a movie, i was scared. but when i saw the preview, i knew, just knew, that i was going to love it. spike jones, arcade fire, the images, the costumes, the font. that font! the letters with fur and feet and teeth!
and now i've tracked it down. it's done by a guy named Geoff Mcfetridge, and dammit if his other work isn't also amazing. Enjoy!
and now i've tracked it down. it's done by a guy named Geoff Mcfetridge, and dammit if his other work isn't also amazing. Enjoy!
Thursday, March 11, 2010
new years resolution
yeah, it's march already, whatever... for this year, my new years resolution will be to not buy too much of anything that i don't need, unless i really want it. lol. but seriously. having no job means that i need to be more careful with my money. so i'm going to give up shopping (makeup, clothes, books...), unless i really want it. i've never been too frivolous with my money so if i see a really deal on something i've been wanting anyway, i'm going to get it. but no more with buying extra things (books or shoes, for instance), and definitely no more stocking up (on lotion or hand sanitizer)... basically, i'm going to cut down on my consumption.
what're you doing?
what're you doing?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)