best friends

a month ago, as I was walking Roux, a man on a bike kept circling back to us and complimenting Roux. eventually he asked "isn't he the best boy?" "yeah, he's pretty good" I replied. he did not seem to like this answer. he asked "isn't he your best friend?" "no" "why not?" "cause he's a dog."

my dog isn't my best friend partly because he doesn't conversate back. I don't know what he's thinking most of the time. in fact, my relationship with Roux is pretty one-sided. I provide him everything he needs, plus extra but he doesn't doesn't give me much of anything in return. he snuggles me sometimes, but I don't generally want or need that. I haven't had anything really bad happen in the last two years so I haven't needed his comfort, even if he were to offer it. (which apparently dogs are good for)

mostly tho, he's not my best friend because I have people for that. people who care for me more than for what I give them. people who may not always be happy to see me, but then, neither does Roux seem to be.

some people say their pets are their best friends because of the unconditional love. well, I don't need that either. I have human friends and parents who provide me close to unconditional love. and should they withdraw it, I should really take a good look at myself to see what I'm doing wrong. I don't need (nor want) a constant cheerleader telling me how much they love me or how well I'm doing. I would prefer someone to keep me accountable, someone who will keep me honest and good. less than that.

I may have written about this before, but I really do wonder how ethical it is to keep pets. they're mostly for our entertainment. they're little different from the animals at the zoo except that the cages are our own homes. they are expected to be obedient to us and sleep, pee, eat, play when we want them to. zoo animals can at least pee and poop when they want. as much as some would like to think that we're on semi equal ground, because we have to take them on walks, pick up their poo, provide separate meals and medications for them, we're not equal at all. at any moment you decide not to keep your pet, yet they have no such freedom. it's a little like slavery if you think about it. and how can you be best friends with someone who is so beholden to you? 

the one

I just finished watching "The One" on Netflix. I won't spoil anything, but the premise is that you can submit your DNA to a company and they'll "match" you to your "one," assuming they're in the database too, of course. when you meet your "match" it'll be like nothing you've experienced before. like you kind of already know them from somewhere, and they'll be irresistible to you, you both to each other, even if you don't know you're matched. 

an interesting "side effect" is that they are a lot divorces after current spouses take the test anyway and get matched to people who they're not currently married to. I can totally see this happening, lol. the british govt gets really antsy about the rising divorce rate (the show is set in London), but the founder of the company says that eventually marriages will be on the rise, and there won't be divorces at all anymore since everyone will be matched. supposedly, if you're already happy with your spouse, you won't submit your DNA.

an interesting side story is that a happily married woman submits her husband's DNA. he gets matched to another lady. she looks up the woman, befriends her by going to her yoga classes, and generally acts a crazy person. it comes a head when the husband (who knows nothing of this) goes thru the wife's phone and unwittingly invites his wife's new yoga friend to a surprise birthday party he's throwing for his wife. the matches meet at the party, have a connection, but don't know exactly why. eventually the wife tells her husband who this woman is. he ends up telling his match why their connection is so strong. blah blah blah. he eventually chooses his wife and the heartbroken match plans to move far away. but before she does, she asks the wife why she didn't submit her own dna rather than her husbands? the wife says that she loves her husband and she's secure enough with that.

I think the psychology is really interesting cause the science is obviously crazy. this actually happens several times in the show, but people obviously have a choice in who they decide to be with, regardless of their connection with someone else. worth mentioning that in the show you can also, albeit very rarely, be matched to more than one person (usually your match's sibling, or someone they share a lot of DNA with. [I did immediately think of identical twins when they were introducing the science, altho did you know that even identical twins don't have identical DNA?]) 

one more interesting tidbit is that, well, being matched to someone doesn't mean you'll be happy. there's a reference to this: this one promising young woman gets matched to a druggie repeat bad criminal guy. like, that does happen. people fall in love all the time with people who are "bad" for them. but again, you always have a choice. loving someone doesn't mean you have to be with them. and this is further demonstrated in that people are getting matched to others around the world. but like, what if neither of you can (or wants to) leave where you are? 

anyway, it's a howcatchem series of only 8 episodes, kind of dumb, but I did definitely enjoy it.

lie better

in the last couple weeks I've had two people tell me blatantly incorrect things. 

1: last week I was on the phone with a time share salesman (my parents called me during their meeting and had him speak to me). my parents said two years ago they paid for product A with his company. he said they didn't. I asked if could print out a copy of the contract from two years ago so that I could review it when they got home. he said that they were not allowed a copy of their contract. ...I asked him to clarify. indeed, he said my parents were not allowed to have a copy of the contact they signed with his company. I said that made no legal sense, especially since they had a copy at home anyway. I asked if it wasn't instead that he didn't have access to it? he said no, they just couldn't have it. we would have to call a different number to get permission for them to get us a copy.

2: I was on the phone with my financial advisor whom I have never communicated with but with whom my parents have had a relationship for well over a decade. he manages two accounts under my name and has for many years. I'm finally wanting to start learning about financial markets and my investments, etc. so I emailed him last week, introduced myself, the situation, and asked 3 general questions about my accounts. he emailed back with a phone number inviting me to call him. I was annoyed cause, like, email is easier and I don't know much so this way I can go look terms and stuff up later. but fine, whatever, I'll call this time. a couple days ago my dad mentioned that he had talked to the financial advisor who said that he doesn't prefer to email with clients because his company reads all his emails. I said, that's fine. I don't want to be doing anything illegal, so I'm glad his company is reading our emails and screening for that sort of thing. 

today I get on phone with him and he says that he prefers phone calls, to which I said I prefer email because this way I can look stuff up later since I don't know anything about stocks, etc. he said that his company didn't allow for FAs to email with their clients about their accounts. ...what? he clarified that, yeah, his company doesn't allow FAs to email clients answering questions from clients about what their FA was doing with the money we pay them to manage. I asked if he could find that policy in writing and send that to me because that seemed super weird. he said that no, he wouldn't, but that I could switch FAs. I said, okay, I might, but if he could send me a copy of the policy anyway because if this is a company-wide policy I would be in the same position with the next FA anyway. I want to know what the rules are so I don't keep breaking them, you know? he said no, and that my new FA may or may not comply and send me the policy themselves.

we moved on. but later in the conversation he says that technically he shouldn't have ever signed me on because 1. he's never actually communicated directly with me, just my parents, and that 2. one of my accounts was too small for his company to handle. I put two and two together and realized THAT'S why he lied about this ridiculous "company policy" about emails. he later also mentioned later that he's old so isn't good at computers, doesn't like email, and has an assistant handle this type of thing.

WHY DO PEOPLE LIE ABOUT THE DUMBEST MOST OBVIOUS SHIT?! first, you should never assume that people are idiots and don't know basic fucking things. second, don't double down on your dumbshit lie when I ask you to clarify, when I repeat to you in an incredulous tone your own stupid words. like, backtrack man, I obviously don't believe you. you're just digging yourself into a deeper hole by cementing to me that you're a liar. 

is this what it's like now in our "post-truth" world? did donald trump and his constant and consistent denial of basic verifiable facts break people's brains leading them to think that this type of behavior is okay? well, it's fucking not, people, wth. 

april 2021 donation

this month I donated to a "friend's" medical bill gofundme. friend is in quotation marks because I've only met him a couple times when he went in to shop at BYO @ Algalita. we struck up a conversation and I started following him on Instagram. I have not done this with any other customer, so I guess that says something? 

anyway, apparently he was in some sort of accident. I dunno what because there are very few details on his instagram but that's cool. basically tho, he needs $22k to help with medical bills (much of it dental), and he's about half way there.

again, I don't really know him so I can't say much about him, but one of the reasons I found him interesting enough to follow was that a few years ago he went on a dating show thing where he met, dated, "married," someone within a few hours. it was on youtube I think. anyway, it shows how adventurous, positive, and open he is, which is super cool. he has since deleted the post on his instagram so you'll just have to believe me when I tell you that he's very charming, hahah, even tho the relationship ultimately did not work out. 

if you are a creeper, you can go thru his instagrams and get a feel for what a good, kind, gentle person he is, and hopefully you'll donate too. 

ewg

I recently had a couple friends ask me about laundry detergent. I didn't have a recommendation but I did refer them to the Environmental Working Group's laundry detergent rating page. the EWG is a great resource that I've used more and more often to see what products are actually environmentally friendly. they mostly look at how dangerous the chemicals are but also rate other things too, depending on what type of things you're looking at. they rate a lot of things, from cleaning products to cosmetics to food (I looked up sunscreen a couple months ago), and rate conventional brand names to smaller purported eco brands as well. 

apparently they have an app too, which I haven't used, since I really don't shop very much at all. but I'll definitely be consulting the EWG on future purchases, especially since greenwashing is getting crazy out of hand these days!

suicide services

if I were in charge of things, there would be a service to help you plan your suicide. you would make at least two appointments with two different therapists who wouldn't try to talk you into or out of anything, but they would listen to you explain why you felt strongly you wanted to die. if they both agree that you appear of sound mind, that this isn't a rash decision, and that this isn't because of a temporary situation that can otherwise be solved, they would individually approve of your case.

after that the service would help you plan stuff out: what to do with your stuff, who to notify, funeral arrangements, and how, when, and where you want to do it. this creates less burden on others, gives you some control over what happens, and also draws out the process a little to make sure you're serious. I would hope that beginning to almost end (from your reaching out to the service, to be given the means of suicide), would take at least three months.

after everything is planned, the service would give you the drugs or whatever it is you decided on as your method of suicide. you would have someone with you, or at least nearby, to make sure things don't go wrong. BUT they aren't to pressure you in any way. should you change your mind, great! if you don't, you'll know that your plans will be carried out after your death. 

I don't think this is morbid at all. if anything, I think it's immensely practical and respectful. I think it's rather rude of people to tell you that you don't actually want to kill yourself, things will get better! well, maybe they won't, or maybe they will but I don't want to be around for it. maybe I just want to die but am scared of screwing up. maybe I don't want to traumatize whoever finds my body.  maybe everything anything, I don't care. I respect your decision. I think as long as it doesn't hurt others, you should have a certain amount of autonomy over your own body and life. hurting others emotionally because they don't respect your decision to do with your life what you will, doesn't count. keeping yourself alive just to appease others is no way to live, I think, unless that's what you want to do. in which case, you're allowed to do that freely as well.