aziz

I went on a date with Aziz Ansari. It turned into the worst night of my life

this article brings up the questions of what is sexual assault and what is consent?

personally, i don't think this was assault: he didn't physically force her to do anything, he stopped when she "no, i really don't think i'm ready to do this." he didn't restrain her from leaving, he didn't even verbally try to convince her of much. that being said, i would've felt uncomfortable with him too. he's a lot more aggressive that i prefer, but i wouldn't have remained naked with him for hour, gone down on him twice, and stuck around for tv. obviously he should have paid better attention to her non-verbal cues, but then, staying naked and giving blowjobs are much clearer non-verbal cues.

i much more agree with this assessment of what happened: Aziz Ansari Is Guilty. Of Not Being a Mind Reader.

i don't want to diminish what Grace feels but i think she needs to take some responsibility for her actions. i don't think that only a clearly enunciated "no" means no, but what does "let's relax for a sec" even mean? to me it says, let's stop for a bit and reassess. in other words, let's maybe continue doing what we're doing.

people aren't mind readers. you can't give super mixed signals, be unclear in your verbage, then accuse someone of a crime. that's fucked up. she had a bad sexual encounter but it's as much her fault as his. he should have been more attentive; she should have been more clear. she should have said what she wanted or didn't want. instead she passively expressed her disinterest by no longer touching him or kissing him, and moving away from him on the couch. you can't give up your agency and be offended when people don't notice what you're not saying.

i understand that sometimes it can be hard to say no. that sometimes you freeze up and "let" things happen to you. but she should understand that her passivity played a role in this situation too. things likely wouldn't have escalated or have gone on that long had she just said no. for her to lay the entire blame on him seems really unfair.