half dark

yesterday was socow's first 2017 practice. j went, rip did not. j isn't going to join, he's just trying it out. rip is gonna join, just skipping our first practice. i told rip, actually, that j was going. he decided not to go. he also said i was hiding things from him. which is true. two months ago i said told him that i had met someone. it wasn't easy, but i felt like i was somehow cheating on both j and rip. and tho now i'm certainly more open with both of them, i still feel guilty about things. i don't know how much of what either wants to know so i don't say much, esp to rip. "i don't want to hurt you." "you already hurt me." :(

people keep telling me that while it's possible to be friends with your ex, you need a long period of separation in between. i guess so you can both "move on." i think that makes sense. rip and i still have our weird moments, but i think we're doing okay. esp since we didn't have that period of separation.

j said that in his past relationships they hadn't been this open about exes. i dunno. you clearly had them. why pretend they don't exist? i don't love hearing about them, but they're a part of who you are so if it makes sense to talk about them, you should. ha, i wish i were this adult about everything.