Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Sunday, April 7, 2013
diana athill
from carlene bauer's article "someone to watch over me" in march 13's elle magazine.
she quotes from diana athill's book "somewhere towards the end": "when spouses are concerned, it seems to me that kindness and consideration should be the key words, not loyalty, and sexual infidelity does not necessarily wipe them out. fidelity in the sense of keeping one's word i respect, but i think it tiresome that it is tied so tightly in people's minds to the idea of sex.... why, given our bone-deep, basic need for one another, do men and women have to put so much weight on this particular, unreliable aspect of it?"
this was in felicity too. she cheats on ben and tells her counselor that she has to tell ben. and the counselor asks why, and she says something about needing to tell the truth or whatever. and the counselor says about how sometimes it's more important to be kind. rip and i talked about this a few times. he prefers me to be truthful. i think i prefer him to be kind. lol, i don't want this to come back and bite me in the butt later when i find out that he's just another tiger woods or anything, but people do mess up. and sometimes it takes that screw up to realize just how good you had it, or whatever. and you change. you become a better boyfriend/spouse/whatever. seeing as how he's already cheated on me, i would not take him cheating on me again very well. honestly, we'd most likely break up. but... if he really changed and recommitted himself to me. ...would i really need to know why?
and here she quotes diana from a conversation the two had. "one wants to live one's own life, and you can't really be married without living somebody else's life. a lot of women don't have a life they want to live, so they're happy to meld with a man. but if you have a life you want to live of your own, you've got to find someone very like yourself.
while i think this is certainly true of many people (not just women), i don't think it's always true. i think for many people, the definition of a good marriage is where you do meld lives. and i don't think there's anything wrong with that. it's certainly not for me tho. i like having a life rather separate of rip. i think we get along better this way.
btw, i have a similar philosophy to jada pinkett smith, tho i def ask rip not to do certain things. ...well, okay, not so similar, haha. but i feel like, if he's gonna cheat, he's gonna cheat. it has nothing to do with me, how i am as a girlfriend, yaddayadda. it's on you. you make your own decisions. i just hope you don't fuck up!
she quotes from diana athill's book "somewhere towards the end": "when spouses are concerned, it seems to me that kindness and consideration should be the key words, not loyalty, and sexual infidelity does not necessarily wipe them out. fidelity in the sense of keeping one's word i respect, but i think it tiresome that it is tied so tightly in people's minds to the idea of sex.... why, given our bone-deep, basic need for one another, do men and women have to put so much weight on this particular, unreliable aspect of it?"
this was in felicity too. she cheats on ben and tells her counselor that she has to tell ben. and the counselor asks why, and she says something about needing to tell the truth or whatever. and the counselor says about how sometimes it's more important to be kind. rip and i talked about this a few times. he prefers me to be truthful. i think i prefer him to be kind. lol, i don't want this to come back and bite me in the butt later when i find out that he's just another tiger woods or anything, but people do mess up. and sometimes it takes that screw up to realize just how good you had it, or whatever. and you change. you become a better boyfriend/spouse/whatever. seeing as how he's already cheated on me, i would not take him cheating on me again very well. honestly, we'd most likely break up. but... if he really changed and recommitted himself to me. ...would i really need to know why?
and here she quotes diana from a conversation the two had. "one wants to live one's own life, and you can't really be married without living somebody else's life. a lot of women don't have a life they want to live, so they're happy to meld with a man. but if you have a life you want to live of your own, you've got to find someone very like yourself.
while i think this is certainly true of many people (not just women), i don't think it's always true. i think for many people, the definition of a good marriage is where you do meld lives. and i don't think there's anything wrong with that. it's certainly not for me tho. i like having a life rather separate of rip. i think we get along better this way.
btw, i have a similar philosophy to jada pinkett smith, tho i def ask rip not to do certain things. ...well, okay, not so similar, haha. but i feel like, if he's gonna cheat, he's gonna cheat. it has nothing to do with me, how i am as a girlfriend, yaddayadda. it's on you. you make your own decisions. i just hope you don't fuck up!
Thursday, April 4, 2013
archery
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| i look so exceptionally small in this photo! |
all in all it was pretty fun, tho i wish we had more time at it. the groupon was supposed to be for an hour, but we started late and ended early so i had just adjusted my sight when they told us it was our last turn. :( but anyway. it was a fun experience.
also, i'm kind of disappointed because it was a lot different than i thought it was going to be. i thought modern archery was like those really cool looking bows that they use in the olympics. turns out, not so much. it's a bow like the kind you probably think of. which means that i could've crossed archery off my bucket list a few years ago when i went to taiwan and did it at the formosan aboriginal culture village. it was practically the same exact thing! but oh well. archery is officially crossed of me list!
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| in taiwan, it's the same thing! |
Monday, April 1, 2013
Friday, March 29, 2013
synonyms
was talking to rip the other day about marriage and our motivations or lack thereof for it. i asked rip why he wanted to, and he said that it would provide him a sense of security. i said that i wasn't into marriage because i felt like it would make me feel like it was trapped. which, if you think about it, is really just another word for security. he's apparently a glass half full type of guy. while i am, wouldn't you know it, the opposite. =\
btw, i read this article the other day: An Anti-Marriage Feminist Gets (Happily) Married. and it totally reminded me of this too. haha.
btw, i read this article the other day: An Anti-Marriage Feminist Gets (Happily) Married. and it totally reminded me of this too. haha.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
prom project bust
over the years the girls and i have collected quite a few formal dressed that we don't really know what to do with. it's not like good will won't take a poofy bridesmaid's dress but you kind of want your special dress to be someone else's special dress too. anyway, after a few years of talking about it, g and i finally got off our asses and donated them. she found an organization in north oc affiliated with the ywca that would take them.
i thought this seems like a pretty great project so i wanted to volunteer with them too, so before dropping off our dresses i called them first. i left a detailed message and didn't hear back for a week. ... called back again and this time she picked up. talked to her for a bit about donating and volunteering. she took down my name, number, email address and said she'd pass the info along. i told her i was waiting on dresses from my friends still and would come by her office in a week or two to drop stuff off. she said great.
a week later i'd collected dresses and accessories from t and annie and took photos of our stuff. i called her back and left a message to say i'd be by in a couple days on tuesday morning at 11am (or whenever it was) to drop off my stuff and i hoped to see her then. this was mid december.
on tuesday i showed up when i said i was going to, and of course she wasn't there. didn't leave a note for me either, which i thought was pretty rude. her office people said that she sometimes didn't come in but that i could wait for her for a bit. i decided to do so since i had given her advance notice that i was coming in. hoped she was running late or whatever. waited about 15 minutes when her co-worker came by and told me that she had missed an email from her earlier saying that she would not be in. ...
after a day or two i called again and left a message saying that i'd brought the stuff by and was still waiting to hear back about volunteering. the day i went, her co-worker gave me her business card so after another couple weeks, now in january, i emailed her reminding her that i'd talked to her, dropped stuff off, and still hadn't heard back about volunteering. "At the very least I'd like to work at Boutique Day, though I would need to know the date first." a full two weeks later she writes back apologizing for the delays and says she'll submit my name the volunteering committee (tho shouldn't she have already done so?). she doesn't tell me boutique day date or give me anyone else's contact info tho that's the obvious next step. i responded to her two days later with my schedule availability and ask again for boutique day date. i don't hear back.
the email i wrote her was on jan 24 and i've been wondering about the project ever since. so on march 15th i wrote another email:
i'm just sooo disappointed because oddly enough, this isn't even the first organization i've contacted about donating prom dresses. a couple years ago i had found another organization in mid-oc that i emailed a couple times and never heard back from either. it's really strange to because i've contacted other organizations about other donation drives and volunteering and stuff and have NEVER run into any problems. gah! no moral of the story. just wanted to vent.
(no website links to help people save face or whatever, but you really want to know who not to work with, email me)
a week later i'd collected dresses and accessories from t and annie and took photos of our stuff. i called her back and left a message to say i'd be by in a couple days on tuesday morning at 11am (or whenever it was) to drop off my stuff and i hoped to see her then. this was mid december.
after a day or two i called again and left a message saying that i'd brought the stuff by and was still waiting to hear back about volunteering. the day i went, her co-worker gave me her business card so after another couple weeks, now in january, i emailed her reminding her that i'd talked to her, dropped stuff off, and still hadn't heard back about volunteering. "At the very least I'd like to work at Boutique Day, though I would need to know the date first." a full two weeks later she writes back apologizing for the delays and says she'll submit my name the volunteering committee (tho shouldn't she have already done so?). she doesn't tell me boutique day date or give me anyone else's contact info tho that's the obvious next step. i responded to her two days later with my schedule availability and ask again for boutique day date. i don't hear back.
I felt like I needed to tell you that I am very disappointed with you and your organization. I've contacted you multiple times through varied mediums about volunteering and have not heard back. Being part of a non-profit, fully volunteer-run organization myself, I'm surprised that you would not take more care in handling prospectiveand wouldn't you believe it, but two days later she actually wrote back:volunteers who have repeatedly shown an interest in your project. Although yours is still a cause I believe in, I do wish I had donated my and my friends' dresses and accessories to someone else.
The YWCA of North Orange County is a very small grassroot organization with a very small staff. I am sorry about the inconveniences of the missing replys and apologize. Please feel free to donate to other organizations such as Orangewood. They have a prom project too. The YWCA's contact for the Prom Project is C----- M----- should you want to continue your interest in volunteering for the Prom Project. We wish you the best in your future endeavors.i haven't bothered to reply because who the fuck cares anymore and she is clearly an idiot who doesn't know how to read properly, doesn't know spelling, definitions, common courtesy, how to treat volunteers, or any number of other things! and i'm still even more upset because after all this i still don't know when boutique day is, and i don't have anyone else's contact info to find out when boutique day is even if i were still interested in volunteering! goddamn i wish i'd given the dresses to someone, anyone, else!
i'm just sooo disappointed because oddly enough, this isn't even the first organization i've contacted about donating prom dresses. a couple years ago i had found another organization in mid-oc that i emailed a couple times and never heard back from either. it's really strange to because i've contacted other organizations about other donation drives and volunteering and stuff and have NEVER run into any problems. gah! no moral of the story. just wanted to vent.
(no website links to help people save face or whatever, but you really want to know who not to work with, email me)
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