I choose this

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when I am struggling in my relationship, I tell myself "I choose this" and I try to let go of what is bothering me. "I choose this" means "I am choosing to be in this relationship because I think it will make me happier than if I do not." it usually makes me realize that what I'm stressing about is small and temporary. sometimes it doesn't.

a few months ago I was going thru a hard time. I had actually thought out ways to leave. not for good, but for a while. where I would go, who I could stay with. what I would say, or if I would just leave. me being me, I thought I would pack, write a note, and leave when he wasn't home. notice that I say "I thought" not "I planned." it wasn't so bad that I had actually planned anything, but I knew that thinking about escape routes meant that things were bad.

instead, we actually talked about it. I'm sure he noticed something and brought it up, as he does. and I told him, as I'm getting better at that. I hold him about my choosing to be with him, and I could choose not to be. that I did not leave my overly-critical mother's house only to get into a relationship with an over-critical boyfriend. he understood. he knows that it's not a good trait, but it's something his mom does also, and he learned from that. I think t and I have talked about this hyper-criticalness in our mothers so often, and have just as often promised each other not to do it, that I am extra aware of it in others, and extra motivated to avoid it.

I said that "I would rather leave you, than change you." it's not that I wouldn't want him to change, but it has to come from within himself, not because I asked him to, or gave an ultimatum. I want you to change because it's an objectively good thing, not because I have quirks that I want you to work around. relationships are about compromise, but you shouldn't have to become a worse person to be with me. we should build each other up, and become better people for being together, in being together.