still me

I gotta admit, for a little bit I thought everyone had been right all along, that it really was about being with the "right" person. then I found my head again, haha.

a couple weeks ago he asked where I saw us in a year. I carefully responded with "well, you'll still be in school and I'll almost definitely still be working at algalita. ...where do you see us?" he agreed that nothing much would change but that he would like to live together, "sooner or later." I thought about it for a week and told him that while it wasn't something I didn't want, it likely wouldn't be something I would initiate. there would need to be another catalyst, like me finally getting fed up with my roommate(s), or our apartment burning down, or him finding us the perfect place. turns out, he basically already knew this so, whew! more importantly, he seems okay with it too. I'm honestly really glad that he's comfortable with pushing me. I've known for a long time I needed a partner like that, and I feel pretty lucky that not only will he push me as needed but that he already knows this is something I need.

it's probably because I'm afraid of commitment and that I have no lifetime "relationship goals" that i am super comfortable with stagnation in my relationships. j had said that he worries that I'll one day, like a decade or two later, want out. obviously, this isn't an unfounded fear. but I hate that I did that and I have the intention to never do it again. (yup, not no intention to do it again, but an active intention *not* to) I told him that I want to have some kind of plan with him. not necessarily marriage or anything so serious, but a plan of any sort. I don't care if we take the longest scenic route to get there, but I do want to head in at least the vaguest direction of where we think we might want to end up possibly someday. Barcelona, he said. I think that's a good plan as any. here's hoping that we, and Spain itself, can hold it together thru march.