half light

ignorance is bliss. curiosity killed the cat.  you hear these two all the time. but are they really true? and whether or not they are, does anyone care?

the weird thing about starting to date new people is that i had to decide what and how much i want to know. how many exes, people they've slept with, how many times they've been in love, are they still *in* love, what's their biggest self-identified weakness, when were they happiest, saddest, maddest, etc. with rip it was easy. i knew most everything about him. much of our history was the same since we had started dating so young and for so long. it felt good to be many of each other's firsts. you were secure in the knowledge that no matter if things ever became better with someone else, at the very least, you were there first. why that matters, i have no idea. but there's a lot to be said for security. and posterity, ha.

personally, with new people, i prefer not to know very much. it doesn't matter. i did ask how many, like, serious relationships. and if there was a theme to his breakups. i think that's probably a good question. i would want to know most if most of your breakups were because of cheating. especially if you've consistently been the cheater. o.0

but even new activities are a little weird. you could drive yourself crazy thinking too hard about if they've done with someone else what you guys are doing now. i've never really worried before about not measuring up to past significant others. i mean, sure, rip had alisa, but she was only one, and we moved passed that pretty quickly. anyway. new relationships, new territory. it's weird. feeling this stuff out for the first time in my life. navigating what most people had dealt with years and years ago.