what's mine?

rip recently "confessed" to me something that he's been holding in for years: something happened to a friend of his. i'm not going to reveal it here, cause, well, it aint none of our business. i don't really care that he kept quiet about it for so long.* it happened to his friend and has nothing at all to do with him, and certainly not with me. but rip feels that his friend's stories are his. things that happen to your friends happen to you. and i definitely agree with him. but not completely. marriage, unmarriage, children, unchilden, cheating, jail, funny and scary stories generally become my stories once my friend tells me about them. but a few things, you probably shouldn't share with your significant other.

occasionally a friend will tell you something deeply personal. and it's because they trust you. they're trusting you with their shame or trauma or soul, not just their story. and it doesn't become your story. and even if it did, it's certainly not your story to share. it's just something you keep in your heart to help you understand your friend, and to maybe help them later if it somehow comes up.

at some point your friends understand, tho it's unspoken, that you will tell your significant other most of the things they tell you. but... everything? i'm uncomfortable with that. i'm telling my bestie something because i've known her for years and we love each other unconditionally and as much as she may be judging me, she will always have my back. her husband? not so much. not to say that i haven't told my married girlfriends things anyway. i would just hope she doesn't tell her significant other everything. but i also trust her judgement enough to not question what she does or does not disclose to him. so long as he doesn't throw things back in my face or tell other people my secrets. ..but i'm getting off topic a bit now.

anyway. what about you? do you tell your significant other everything? why or why not?

* the only reason it does kind of bother me he didn't tell me so many years ago is his reason for not telling me. cause i totally disagree. he thought it would make me feel differently about him. which i'm nearly positive it wouldn't have.