eric liu - the accidental asian
a few years back, a chinese friend and i both went to china for the first time. (we traveled separately, but it happened to be the same year). i remember her saying something about how nice it was "being with my people." i can't remember if she also said the oft used "felt like going home." either way, i had / have no idea what she meant.
going to china was like visiting any other famous foreign country. i'd already seen some of the sights on tv, so they were visually familiar to me. but everything else was just a part of the traveling experience: the excitement, confusion, anticipation...
of course, going to china was "easier" for me than it was for the other volunteers i was with because none of them spoke chinese. while i'm far from fluent i have few problems with basic conversations. i also immediately recognized / adapted to certain cultural norms: swarming instead of waiting in line; crossing the street pretty much whenever instead of waiting for a red light; never receiving thank you, you're welcome, or bless you... but i had no feelings of belonging. which, honestly, i was kind of hoping for.
if anything, i almost felt like more of a foreigner. locals didn't recognize that i wasn't one of them. but as soon as they did, they would ask me where i was from. often times they would grill me about how much i knew about my ancestral heritage and homeland. which was very little. they would usually express appreciation that i knew at least something (the language, where my dad was born), but there was always an underlying disbelief / disapproval at how little i knew. how i could be so, well, foreign. in short, they made me feel guilty that i wasn't more chinese. (though who knows, maybe i was overly sensitive and it was a self imposed guilt-trip ...tho i know it wasn't completely me).
at one point during my trip though, i felt like i actually connected with my ancestral past. i was in the shanghai museum, admiring the beautiful old things but not understanding any of the significance. but wouldn't you know it, i was actually really interested! i felt wonder at how "my people" made this stuff. i felt proud that i was part of a civilization that could make such beautiful and advanced things. it was completely different than anything i'd ever experienced in a "western" museum, where i understood more because of my western education, but had no emotional investment other than "wow that's amazing."
2 comments:
I get the same feeling when I go to Taiwan at the National Museum. Not that I'm completely accepted and fit into the culture, but this is where I came from and the things there are from my ancestors (generally, not specifically, although maybe specifically, you never know). I haven't been to China, and I'm not sure if I will ever go, but a lot of (most?) Chinese artifacts are at the Taiwan National Museum anyway.
i do think it's strange that we should have these experiences when we don't particularly connect with / understand the chinese / taiwanese culture.
btw, when i visited the lincoln memorial in d.c. i was really moved. i remember being on the verge of tears thinking about our country (usa), lincoln, civil rights, and what could have been.
and altho i went many similar types of memorials in taiwan / china, i never "felt anything" there. and not just, didn't feel anything close to what i felt in dc, but didn't feel anything at all. (well, i did think it was kind of lame that the chiang kai shek memorial statue in taiwan looked so much like lincoln's [tho i don't know which came first or if this is a really common type of statue thing])
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