not my choice

i watched a bit of abc's "what would you do?" last night. one of the situations was about a 16 year-old girl telling her boyfriend that she's pregnant and keeping the baby. he wants her to have an abortion. i won't go into the staging on the tv show, but this does bring up the question of men's rights.

before having sex with anyone you should really discuss (along with disclosing stds) what you guys would do in case of pregnancy. would she keep it? does she believe in abortion or would she put it up for adoption? does she expect you to help out financially or otherwise? and what are your opinions on these matters? these are pretty important things to know!

here's where my, i'm sure, "controversial" opinion comes in. i think that if she had previously very clearly stated that she would not have a child, yet she decides to keep it, and if you (assuming you're male) still don't want it, you don't have to help her raise it. you probably should, especially if you were in a committed relationship, but i don't think you're morally obligated to. (btw, i'm not talking about legal obligations or financial support here, i really don't have a clear opinion about that) you guys discussed it, you both expressed your opinions, and she changed her mind. but you didn't.

if i were a teenaged boy and if my long-term girlfriend said she would keep the baby if she got pregnant, i probably wouldn't want to have sex with her! that doesn't mean i'd leave her, but i sure as hell would consider a celibate relationship. and i'm sure a lot of guys (no matter their age) feel the same way.

i feel that when you talk about pregnancy and both agree to not have the child, it's unfair to him if you change your mind after you get pregnant. you had a verbal contract, and you broke it. he didn't agree to this and you shouldn't guilt him if he decides to not play anymore after you've changed the rules.

i don't think that he should force you into anything, however. it's your body and you have the right to keep the baby if you decide to. but he also has rights, and you can't force him into anything either.

i think a lot of guys in this situation stay with her even though they honestly don't want to. these are good guys who want to do the right thing, for you and your child. but you have to do the right thing also.