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this article brings up a lot of really good points. so if you've ever had a relationship, are in one, or ever plan to have one again, read it and take notes!

something i found striking was the bit on forgiveness. 'some people forive too cheaply.' i think sometimes that's me. i don't like to punish people and so when someone says their sorry, i sort of just accept it. whether or not they've actually shown remorse. i believe that 'genuine forgiveness must be earned'. however i don't think i always make people earn back my trust. instead of focusing on them (showing me that they really are sorry, showing me that they'll never do it again) or focusing on us (making changes to assure that it won't happen again), i only work on myself. working to forgive them and not punish them. working so that things remain the same. working so that my actions are not affected by my hurt so that i don't take out my feeling on the person. but mabye i should 'take it out' on them. after all, they messed up. and they should suffer the consequences. not just me. i've been wronged, but i didn't do anything wrong. so why is it that i'm the only one suffering? if i too easily forgive them. maybe they'll get the wrong idea, and think that it wasn't such a big deal afterall, and that only makes the mistake all too likely to be made again. =\

i saw a little bit of the greg behrendt tv show the other day. the segment was on forgiveness. a guy cheated on his wife and greg decided that his punishment would be to strip down to his underwear and wear a sandwhich board saying that 'i'm sorry', 'i love my wife' and something else... 'i'm sorry i cheated' or something. anyway. the guy had to wear this and walk around on the street outside the studio. he also had to ring a bell and shout out 'i love my wife!' another girl cheated on her boyfriend, and they made her get into a big glass tank, where they poured worms and maggots on her while she shouted that she was sorry. and since her mouth was open, i think she probably even ate a few. but anyway. before they poured the bugs on her, her boyfriend steps in and asks greg 'does she have to?' greg was pretty upset. 'of course she has to!' he wanted these people to prove that they were sorry.   i don't kno if this was a good way to do it. i don't feel like bugs have anything to do wit cheating. and him walking around nearly naked like that does not make up for the fact that he cheated on his wife. but nothing does. you can't ever make it up. you can't ever fix it new. maybe not even fix it like new.

i think one of the worst things for me (back to personal stuff) was that it didn't seem like he was really sorry. i felt like i was nice enough to forgive him so easily the first time that he should've taken care to never hurt me like that again. but he did. even immediately after i didn't punish him. i still believed him when he told me he was sorry. but when i asked him to prove it to me, by not talking to her, he wouldn't. maybe this has to do wit his character, in that if he just doesn't agree, then he is unwilling to compromise. but i think it also has to do wit me forgiving him too easily in the first place. i try to be strong. i try to handle things myself. and i usually blame myself before blaming others. and i think that's wat messed me up. i took on too much of the burden of blame. i think that's wat we're thinking when we forgive too quickly. we think we're being kind. by not putting all the blame on the person. but it's not fair to yourself. people need to take responsibility for their actions. because like greg said, there is never a good reason to cheat. never. it may not have been their intentions to hurt you, but they did. and now they need to share in your pain. because otherwise they just won't understand wat you're going thru, and will forever be going thru.

and in closing: 'the instant we become an adult is the moment when the instinct to love is greater than the desire to be loved'.