Friday, October 13, 2006

name calling

so you kno my thing? when/if i get married i'm keeping my own last name. i don't see the point in changing it. mine is just fine. it has served me perfectly well for the last however many years and yes, it has a good many years still in it. if i had no middle name i would perhaps be willing to take my husbands name as that. but, wouldn't you kno, i already have one of those as well.
for the children. the first born (regardless of gender) will have my last name. all future children can have his. i cannot guarantee there will be future children, indeed, i cannot promise any children at all. but if he wants more kids, i will gladly try for a second. children after that will have to be negotiated. after all, i don't like kids, i don't see why we need more than two.
i have these conditions because i am an only child. my father was, essentially, also an only child. his father was not, but to the best of our knowledge, they have all remained in china. we have a rather uncommon last name. and damnit, i like my name.
i feel that this is fair. yes the child will be both of ours. but in the child bearing process i will be doing nearly all the work. in the child rearing process i will most likely also be doing more than half of the work. so i feel that i should get more of the say when it comes to naming our children.
for as long as i can remember. i have always felt way. i have made this clear. to my friends, family and significant others. i told reep all this before. i do not remember his agreeing or disagreeing, but in any case, i made it clear that it was unlikely i would be changing my mind. and you kno wat? i haven't.
reep and i had a serious 'talk' the other night. appt this issue is bothering him more and more. appt all along he thought i would change my mind. i don't see why he would think that, but anyway.
he wants it all. for me to change my name. and for all the children to have his name.
i am willing to compromise.
i will keep my own name. there is no good reason (besides western tradition and convenience) for me to take his. but it's the point of the children's names that i'm willing to compromise. the first born can have his name. the second mine. and all future, his. that way, if we only have one child, then it'll have his name.
reep says that if anything he'll want all the male children to have his name. i no longer see the point of that. it's not as if women can't pass on their last names (as i plan on doing). and if we do it this way then we'll be telling our kids that we devalue females, which is so not true! also if we do it either of my ways, then we'll have one child each wit our own names. if we do it his way, we might end up wit one of us having all the kids and the other wit nothing. that hardly seems fair.
furthermore. while yes, reep is the only male child in his family. his father has brothers. but i'm from two generation of only kids. also he doesn't have any real 'good' reason for wanting me or the children to take his name besides tradition. but the times, they are a'changin'.
::edit:: i have a better idea. instead of rock/paper/scissoring it, we should flip the kids for it! you win? you name! i call tails!!!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

you know this is going to come down to rock paper scissors, winner take all.

Anonymous said...

Personall, I like rip's idea, lol. jk jk

I think I offered up this solution last time (I TOTALLY remember you saying this all to me.) but why dont you pull a jolie-pitt and make it shao-....o wait, I think I remember the answer to this. What's rip's last name again? Hmm, very diverse indeed. ahahahaah. Well, if anything, its still a possible solution.