i am turning a blind eye towards it. he seems to 'get himself into these situations'. ting says that he seems to do it rather often. ::shrug:: it's easier to change yourself than it is to change others. so i look within myself to see if the problem lies there. and even if it doesn't. maybe i've contributed. and if i have, then maybe, even if i'm not able to solve the problem, i'm able to lessen it, at least a little, by 'fixing' myself.
i like to give credit where it's due. and not point fingers at others when i deserve equal blame. but this thing between us. i can't 'fix' myself anymore. ..that's misleading. i have, in part, given up on myself getting over this. and i have decided to just to not address it. i deal wit it when i need to. and ignore it otherwise. occasionally i am wracked wit an unbelievably obsessive paranoia. but i get over it. i always do. but in the day to day. i'm really good at forgetting. i do a fantastic job of putting on mental blinkers.
anyway, i think he takes me for granted. and altho i’m quite sure i do the same i doubt that i let him down as often as he does me. oh, another thing. reepal. he’s not very dependable. which actually bothers me quite a bit. i hadn’t really realized this before. or… i hadn’t ever formulated it, so it was just a feeling. but anyway. i don’t really see myself ‘taking action’ anytime soon, whatever that may be. so! for now, it’s just thoughts to ponder.
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