introspective

reepal was telling me last night that i'm so cute. i'm pretty sure he meant my mannerisms and not my appearance. but either way. cute. it's definitely not something i strive for. in fact, it isn't even something i want to be. i was asking ting about this and she agrees. in fact, were we to choose the adjectives we'd want people to use when describing us physically, ting wants 'beautiful' and 'glowing'. i want 'attractive' and maaaybe 'good looking'. but i like attractive best. because it doesn't actually say much. and yet it's actually quite specific. btw, i find beautiful too obvious. it's not like cute tho. i don't want to be cute. i don't like it when people think i'm cute. it's too trite. beautiful. well. i don't particularly want to be beautiful but i wouldn't mind if people found me to be that way. altho, really, i'm sure i'm much closer to cute than beautiful. but anyway.

 

this got me thinking about how if we were to choose five adjectives to describe ourselves they most likely wouldn't be the five we want to be. nor would it be the five we want others to think we are. but i find it most interesting that the five we want to be, aren't the five we want others to use to describe us. i haven't given this way too much thought yet (altho i am using a dictionary to make sure i get things right). but thus far, i want to be:

knowledgeable
broadminded
altruistic
gracious
perceptive

 

i want people to find me:
intelligent
easy to talk to
empathetic
amicable

interesting

 

bah. this is so hard! i mean, i’ve narrowed it down to these, but i also want to be… contemplative, creative, adaptable, spontaneous, appreciative, forgiving, etc. and i want others to find me dependable, trustworthy, funny, thoughtful, insightful, easy going… but i guess the main differences are that i want to be generous and kind, altho i don’t care if others think that i am. i also want to be polite and gracious, but it won’t bother me if no one knows. i think… in general, the things i want to be make me a bigger person. they affect a larger group of people. but i want others to think of me treating them individually.

 

but anyway, if you haven’t yet, please go help me to fill out my johari window. thanks. :)