know-ledge

so actually quite a bit has happened recently, i've just been...reluctant to post about it. i think it's all this talk about marriage and such... but i've been talking to my girlfriends and trying to figure out wat exactly it is i want from reepal and this relationship of ours. he'd been saying things like 'i want to be wit you for the rest of my life' and i'd find myself silent and unable to respond. i realized that i simply do not think in terms of 'forever' and 'the rest of my life'. i have a problem conceptualizing these measurements (or lack) of time. i can barely understand 'in the next five years'. it seems as tho so much is in the air right now. graduating college, getting a real job, actually being an adult... these are really big life moments that are lurking basically right over my horizon. reepal asked last night, rather suddenly, if i thought we would be together the rest of our lives. i told him the truth, that i didn't kno. that i could see anything at all, much less anything so specific. he asked to see if perhaps he's wasting his time on me. he wants to kno if we're approaching the same goal. and i really am not sure. i've never wanted marriage the way many people have. it's not on my list of things to do. it's more of a bonus, a gift wit purchase, something extra, something nice. but it's not something i'm reaching for. and for him, i guess, it is. it's a goal. something he wants to do, to acheive, to check off. so he wants to kno now, before he invests any more, if we're together on this. if we have the same vision. at this point i'm still too clouded to kno. but i promised that that i am trying to figure things out. and he said, basically, that that would have to be good enough. but for how long? when you don't believe in 'the one' it's hard to look at someone and say 'you. i want to be wit you. forever. and always.' but then how do you decide that you want to be wit them forever? how do you kno? .. i want to kno.

'love is only a feeling' 'drifting away' / 'when i'm in your arms i start believing '(and we've got to stop ourselves believing)' 'it's here to stay' 'but love is only a feeling' 'anyway'

 

'can't explain all the feelings that you're making me feel' 'my heart's in overdrive and you're behind the steering wheel.' / 'i believe in a thing called love' / 'there's a chance we could make it' / 'i wanna kiss you every minute, every hour, every day' / 'you got me in a spin but everything is a.ok!'