excerpt

from Things My Girlfriend and I have Argued About by Mil Millington.

 

"Hello, everybody, and welcome to the boilerplate. We know you want to get on with reading the book, so we won’t detain you here for any longer that we need to, but we do have to take a moment to point out – tiresomely obvious though it is – that this is a novel. It is a work of fiction, in which made-up characters do invented things: no actual people were harmed during the writing of this book. All characters are fictitious and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.  Any builders, academics, librarians, Germans, comic-shop assistants, house sellers, government employees, gangsters, bank workers, doctors, reporters, IT technicians or others whom the author has ever met who may think they recognize themselves are simply wrong. And, it has to be said, could also do with working on their self-image a little. Okay, thanks for your time – we know how tedious it is to have these kinds of delays when you just want to get on. You may continue with your journey now and we hope you enjoy the book; remember to take things steady at first and drink lots of water."

 

the boilerplate is that legal section in the front of the book, before the story begins (this is a work of fiction blahblahblah). ever since reading huck finn ("persons attempting to find a plot..."), i've normally make a habit of reading these. you'd be surprised actually, lots of contemp 'light' novels have funny ones.