blur

a long time ago reep said he didn't understand 'breaks'; why not just break up he wondered? and yet even tho officially we're not on a break, we are. he's not talking to me. and i'm leaving him alone (because i respect his privacy, not because i'm immature and am 'punishing' him or something silly). don't kno how long this is going to last. till or past new years even? let's hope not. (altho i think it just might) it's strange being in an argument when you don't kno why you are arguing or even wat you're fighting about (our last fight [see last post] was resolved, i think anyway). i suppose i should take consolation in that i kno who i'm fighting wit. but believe me when i say that it's no real help. not knowing wat you should be upset about makes it hard to kno wat to be happy about. and the constant confusion causes you to wonder exactly where the line is and wat you would do if it were crossed. i hate fighting online. it solicits no sympathy. and the hollow words that you type are somehow lost in the online clutter and all that remains is the cloud of anger obscuring the 'please stop, i'm begging you' when you've never begged before. wat's left is the seeming command of 'stop stop stop' when really you crying uncle.

ps. when your sig other tells you that being selfish if your hangup, not his and that you should be selfish, you wonder if this has been his policy all along...

pps. it's funny that in your pursuit of breaking boundaries you've also managed to burn so many bridges.

'a perfect moment here and gone' / 'i never meant to do wrong to you: you're my starfish'