they talk a lot more often than i kno about. which, while i'm not okay wit, i am okay with. i'm the type who is okay with not knowing things. you tell me half a secret and refuse to tell me the rest? i won't press. you tell me you're okay when you're obviously not? i can wait. even when i really want to kno. i don't have to. if it's something that bothers me i will throw myself into running away. sometimes at dragon boating i will push so hard that i black out. till all i can hear is my own ragged breathing and my heart thudding away in my head. at home i will do so many pushups my arms quake. and then i do some more. until i can no longer raise myself. i ran a few times years ago. when i was sad. i ran till i threw up. then i'd run again back home. i used to drive too. drive as fast as i dared. but i was always too scared of getting a ticket (how much would the fine be at 135mph anyway? it's the fastest i've gone for more than just a few seconds). i'm sure there is a smarter way to vent. running away doesn't solve anything. nothing at all. besides, there is no purge to that process. only binge.
'jealousy' 'i just can’t look its killing me and taking control' 'how did it end up like this' 'and my stomach is sick and it’s all in my head' 'but it’s just the price i pay' / 'open up my eager eyes' 'because i want it all' / 'now, let me go'
No comments:
Post a Comment