okay. so i kno i pretty much said that i wouldn't care anymore, and yet i do. reep came online and said that he just realized that he won't be seeing me until monday. which means for sure i'm not going. which means for sure that he's not gonna ask for the car. which, after wat happened last night, seems to only make sense. at yet here i am kind of upset. i dunno wat i was expecting. for him to pull thru? didn't i just say like three posts ago that i was no longer going to expect that of him? argh. even then... me making this resolution. how could i have thought that it was actually going to really work, me turning myself off to disapointment? it's only been a week for god's sake. i guess i just hadn't factored in such a large disapointment so soon. thought it'd be something small (over sleeping or osmething) then i'd be able to build my way up to a big one. ...wat the fuck am i saying? holy shit it sounds like i'm just expecting to be let down. ...wtf is my problem? 1) i should have more faith in him and 2) why am i in a relationship where i expect for my boif to let me down and where i feel the need to built up myself so that i cannot be disapointed by the inevitable letdown? good god... this is wat happens when you step back and examine your life. you realize all the stupid contradictions that take away all the worth. jesus suffering fuck...
'help me to realize my dream is dying' / 'help me to wait on you, hesitate it too, cause i'm alone' / 'feel so jaded, contemplative, waiting for you' / 'can you wait for me a little longer?' / 'time will tell if all turns out ok'
No comments:
Post a Comment