Tuesday, August 28, 2007

(in)direct requests

i kno, i kno, i never post anymore. but little do you kno that i've actually blogged a lot! well, in my head anyway. you wouldn't believe how many times i've rewritten my 'vanity' post. jebus...
tonight, however, i would like to talk about unspoken persuasion. say your significant other (or whoever, parents do this too) wants to do something, or wants you to do something. but they don't want to ask you to do it, or for the 'permission' to do it. ...this is getting complicated. see, the reason i've not posted much lately is cause i have so much damn noise in my head that i find it hard to write wat i really want to say. okay. starting over...
say your significant other wants to do something. and you don't want them to. but you don't want to ask them not to because then it would be like you're controlling them and that's not something you want. and besides, you do want them to do watever they want to do (...sorta...) and it's not like they need your 'permission' to do anything anyway. so wat to do?
sometimes you're lucky and your sig other knows wat you want even witout you having to say it. but of course, they still wanna do it. if they wanna do it badly enough they're pretend they don't kno that you don't want them to do it and do it anyway (outcome 1; no good: you're unhappy and since you kno they knew, you make them unhappy [thought you could get away wit it, did you?]).
if they're nicer, they will acknowledge your unspoken feelings but will make you ask them aloud cause they kno that you really don't want to so now they're gonna punish you too. this can end in one of two ways. outcome 2: you ask and they go anyway (super no good cause the person you're wit is an obvious asshole and they're only gonna end up breaking your heart. again...). outcome 3: you ask and they don't go. (better, but not great; you feel bad for asking, they feel bad for not doing wat they wanted and they might resent your for 'making' them not do it. [they might even later try to guilt trip you into 'letting' them do something you don't approve of. which would be bad. cause they're actually the asshole from outcome 2. just more passive aggressive. which is actually worse cause, let's face it, it's just a slower death for you]).
and finally, outcome 4. they're a really nice person. ie, they don't make you ask and they don't go. this is actually the only reasonably good outcome. but you gotta remember that you're dating a nice person so you better freakin 'reward' them somehow.
(and yes, rip, this is somewat directed at you and this weekend. [i'm so sly! {lol}])

bizarre con-artists

+------------------ Bizarre Con-Artists ------------------+  

In 1872, veteran prospectors Philip Arnold and John Slack bought $35,000 worth of diamonds in Europe and scattered them on land in Wyoming. They managed to convince the Bank of San Francisco they had discovered a diamond field and made $700,000.  

Starting in 1921, Oscar Merril Hartzell began a scam selling fake shares in the estate of Sir Francis Drake. He contacted as many families as he could find with the surname Drake and was eventually accused of defrauding 270,000 people. The hoax netted him over $2,000,000.  

When J. Bam Morrison arrived at Wetumka, Oklahoma in 1950, he claimed to be the advance publicity man for Bohn's United Circus, which, he maintained, was due to hit town in three weeks. He allegedly sold advertising space to local traders... for a circus that didn't exist.  

By forging signatures, James Addison Reavis was able to claim he was the legal owner of 17,000 square miles of Arizona. The enterprise raked in $300,000 a year until he was arrested in 1895 and he was sentenced to six years in prison.  

Joseph Weill, who inspired the movie "The Sting," rented abandoned banks and convinced businessmen that he had set up a genuine bank. He waited for them to deposit large sums of money before shutting down and moving on to the next town. This, plus some of his other scams, earned him over $6,000,000.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

monkey trials

if we evolved from monkeys and along the way lost a lot of body hair, and since we're also smarter than monkeys, does that mean that the hairier you are, the stupider you are? and since human males tend to have more body hair than human females, doesn't that mean that men are generally stupider than women?

doughnuts

+---------------- Bizarre Doughnut Facts ------------------+  

Doughnuts originated in 16th-century Holland. They were cooked in oil, and were so greasy that the Dutch called them olykoeks, or "oily cakes."  
The French have a doughnut they call pet de nonne, or "Nun's Fart." According to legend, a nun living in the abbey of Marmoutier was preparing food when she farted, and the other nuns laughed at her. She was so embarrassed that she dropped the spoonful of dough she was holding into a pot of boiling water - accidentally making a doughnut.  

The Pilgrims, who'd lived in Holland, bought the cakes with them when they came to America. Their version: a round doughy ball about the size of a nut - a doughnut.  

The origin of the hole in the doughnut: Captain Hanson Gregory, a 19th-century Maine sea captain, was eating a doughnut while sailing through a storm. Suddenly the ship rocked violently and threw him against the ship's wheel - impaling his cake on one of its spokes. Seeing how well the spoke held his cake, Gregory began ordering all of his cakes with holes in them.  

Doughnuts were popularized in the U.S. after the Salvation Army fed doughnuts - cooked in garbage pails and served on bayonets - to troops during World War I. Soldiers got so hooked on them that they were called "doughboys."  

Doughnut-dunking was first popularized at the Roseland Ballroom in the '20s, when actress Mae Murray slipped and accidentally thrust a doughnut into a cup of coffee.
 
The glazed doughnut is almost three times as popular as any other type of doughnut.  

[Courtesy of Uncle John's 4-Ply Bathroom Reader]

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

headlines

+-------------- Bizarre Newspaper Headlines ---------------+  

Cause of AIDS Found - Scientists  

Doctor Testifies in Horse Suit  

City May Impose Mandatory Time for Prostitution  

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Axe  

Grandmother of Eight Makes Hole in One  

Kicking Baby Considered to Be Healthy  

Why You Want Sex Changes With Age  

Boys Cause As Many Pregnancies As Girls  

Cemetery Allows People to be Buried by Their Pets  

Man Held Over Giant L.A. Brush Fire  

Antique Stripper to Demonstrate Wares at Store  

Sudden Rush to Help People Out of Work  

Deadline Passes for Striking Police